Still have not yet collected all the shoes. Am however confident that Porthos loves me and only me now.

Still not captain though.

There is an evil me, and itdoes have a beard.

Still. Not. Captain.

I still do not have cake.

Still not captain.

Entire ship appears to be mating. Am concerned about this. Also we are picking up strays from the future, and time travel is impossible. Is all far too silly.

Want cake.

Are there any heterosexuals on this ship?

This ship is full of whores. Little wonder nothing of any consequence is being achieved. I would not be surprised if people in the future forget about our journeys.

I am amusing myself by increasing the salt content of the captains food. He has a weak and bloody heart.

It is hard being superior to everyone around you. Daily I must deal with a captain whose nearest living relatives pick fleas from their fur and eat them. His dog is, I suspect, a higher lifeform.

However, duty demands that I attempt to overlook all his failings. It is difficult, but no beyond my capabilities.

Still. Not. Captain.

This is so annoying. Why won't he die?

I am very content and calm.

Am hiding in a cupboard to see if people care enough to notice I am gone.

Still not captain.