The other day I dreamt that my mom left my dad for some big black old guy named Oliver. I was furious at her for this, because my dad was heartbroken, and I especially hated Oliver. However, then I became a serial killer, and since Oliver had serial killing experience, he helped me hide the bodies in hopes I'd like him better. We bonded over our ( Read more... )

Let's see, this break so far ( Read more... )

Hi everyone! Merry Thanksgiving ( Read more... )

1. My sister
2. Zombies
3. Hookups with Lady Gaga (?!)

Click to view

This song will never, ever, get out of your head. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you.

Despite this term doing its best to imitate the disaster that was last winter term, I'm pretty okay right now. I'm handling things well, working (very) hard and enjoying myself. Could this be the "growing up" thing I've heard so much about? Nah, growing up involves grocery shopping, I'm pretty sure ( Read more... )

I DON'T UNDERSTAND VEGANS. Also, I have no idea what I want to do after I graduate, and it is about time for me to have that figured out.
Sincerely,
Emily

I promised Ellen I'd try to write more here, because for those of you whose only contact with me is through this thing, we left off several months ago when I was miserable. It is several months later, I am no longer miserable, and I live in Chicago, which is probably the reason. (How can anyone ever be happy in Minnesota? Worst state in the country ( Read more... )

Some people say that God's biggest mistake was the platypus; others say it was [insert name of rival high school here]. Really, though, God's biggest mistake was the manatee. Any animal that has to breathe air but can't stick anything more than its nose out of the water because it is SO FAT that if it got out of the water its body weight would ( Read more... )

If anyone can tell me the origin of the name Zimbob Schwartze, I will give you fifteen points or a cookie. She was a competitor on the original American Gladiators, and she promised if she made it to the quarterfinals she'd tell where her name came from, but she broke her foot running the eliminator and we never found out ( Read more... )