I am contemplative today as I enjoy a quiet day at home alone...something that happens so rarely and something I cherish. People worry about me being lonely, but I am not the least bit lonely...in fact a day at home listening to music, reading, thinking, planning, dreaming, praying, hoping and refocusing myself is a joy words cannot describe. It ( Read more... )

I really feel like hiding lately... I WANT recovery and have really been working towards it on a moment by moment basis each day...and the majority of the time, minus some hard days here and there, I do REALLY well. I'm moving forward but I DON'T want to share the journey anymore. I don't WANT to have to tell her everything. My T tells me the only ( Read more... )

This may be triggering so just to be safe...
I'm struggling to keep in a 'binge'... Admittedly, it's not a binge per se...more like a mini binge... I am still below the minimum number of kcal someone needs to eat to survive in a day...and yet I am stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey... It's been about a while and I am trying to resist the puking even ( Read more... )

...seems to be the question I am faced with at every twist and turn of the day. I want to binge...but I shouldn't... I don't want to eat...but I should... I don't have any desire to binge and I try to eat but it freaks me out and I want to puke...but I shouldn't... ARGH! When I'm honest, ED certainly didn't get me anything...lying, cavaties, ( Read more... )

This is not going to be my most uplifting journal entry...but I am not feeling particularly uplifting, insightful, positive or brilliant at the moment... I am in fact DOWN and OUT... The feelings of discontentment may in fact be heightened to to the fact that I have PMS but...the fact is...THIS IS WHERE I AM TODAY. I'm flat. I'm hopeless. I'm sad. ( Read more... )

Seems it's always a battle to eat...or not eat...or puke...or not puke. Today I am home doing laundry and working on my school work I had almost no sleep last night so I'm exhausted and I feel like I'm moving slow motion but I've still been productive. I dropped clothes off at goodwill, sorted all my laundery , started it, showered, went and got ( Read more... )

I'm feeling more hopeful than I was yesterday. :) I decided to take the school position and I will find a part time job that fits. In the interim, I can continue working in the OCD (office of coal development) until december if need be. And, she's willing to work around the schedule I will have. I'm feeling a bit aggrevated right now though. I may ( Read more... )

Well, I got the job as a parent educator. The only sad part is there were 3 positions; one part time, one 3/4 time and one full time... I need the full time and got offered the part time position and have accepted...now I have to scramble to get another part time job. ARGH! I am so tired of it being so hard ALL the time...so tired of working only ( Read more... )

Ugh...I called to make sure that the school district got the corrected resume...I do not think the woman was very impressed, I think she was irritated that I called to bother her. She was annoyed I called--I sent the corrected cover letter/resume to her last night and LVM...then wanted to call today to check... SIGH. She got it and attached it to ( Read more... )

I am on day 2 without puking...which is good...considering usually when I fall of the wagon I struggle immensely to get back on...so a b/p on Tuesday which lasted all of 90 minutes after 11 & 3/4's days is AMAZING... I AM happy about that. :)

At the same time I am overwhelmed...I MAY have a job offer at a crisis mental health facility. It would be ( Read more... )