Last night was hell and so was the night before. I got so worked up over everything I have to do and I couldn't calm down. I was feeling so overwhelmed by school and getting ready for India. I was also feeling completely alone again. My two best friends, Jake and Talia, who I usually hang out with have been doing everything together, just the two ( Read more... )

Guess what...? Someone told me I looked pretty today....and I believed them!! This never ever happens!! I was already feeling pretty before she told me. I even took pictures of myself when I was getting ready this morning. My hair just fell right and I liked my outfit (except for the tennis shoes). It made me feel really good that she said I looked ( Read more... )

 Yesterday ended up going just fine. I actually had a lot of fun. I love the girls that I worked with. One of them is Chelsey, the girl I've been talking to a lot about my ED and she's been helping me. We talked about family and being rednecks and stuff like that...while we cut a TON of raw beef. I'm so glad she was helping me because it usually ( Read more... )

 Why am I so nice?? It's so frustrating!!!! Ok, story: I have a lab that's a cooking class and I have it twice a week and we cook lunch and sell it to people. It's fun, but sometimes stressful. Well, it takes up the hours 9-2 every Tuesday and Thursday. There is a Monday and Wednesday section too. I don't have any other classes Monday and Wednesday ( Read more... )

 I CAN'T STOP EATING!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I fucking hate life. I want to die. I want to quit school. I want to run away. I want to give up ( Read more... )

 Tonight I went to a dinner party. I got invited by a group of girls in my class. I was really nervous to go. I always get really nervous when I have to dress up for girls. I try hard to impress them. Much harder than when I dress up for boys. I think it's because sometimes I feel attracted to girls. And I'm worried they'll judge me. I don't think ( Read more... )

Today went well:

Breakfast:
banana
yogurt
1 slice of toast
Lunch
vegetable chili
chocolate chip cookie                                          Snack:
                                           orange
Dinner:
banana
rice 
fried egg
small salad
                                                                          Snack:
                                         ( Read more... )

 I think I may give recovery another go. A real try. Not a half-assed one like before. I think I'll just take it one day at a time. And eat healthy because I can't eat crap and still stick to recovery. I need to eat healthy, balanced, real food. And I'm thinking about going to see an eating disorder specialist. I'm just so ashamed. I don't want ( Read more... )

 Today was the Super Bowl and Tal, Jake, Staci, Ashley and her friends and I had a party. We made some food and watched the commercials. We weren't interested in the game. We did end up watching a lot of it though. I didn't eat all day beforehand, mainly because it's Fast Sunday (every first Sunday of the month, we all fast for two meals). Once we ( Read more... )