i think i'm going to stop posting my 'revolutionary new weight loss ideas' on lj because everytime i do i just go and ruin it RIGHT away. i was doing SO well . then i wrote that in my lj and fucked it ALL up.

So this is day three of my new mind set. Pretty much all i let myself eat are things that are under 100 cals. I started out saying i was allowed 200 cals a day but i havent even been having that, i've just been making sure that i'm under that. this morning, to prevent a binge i had literally a crumb of a muffin, a tiny spoonfull of yogurt and a ( Read more... )

stayed home from school to 'finish my physics labs' what i really did was sat around on my computer and looked at pictures of models, saving all the ones i liked to my 'model' folder to later download onto my ipod so that i can have it with me everywhere ( Read more... )

I figured out that laxatives are a MUST have for starting a fast. For the past few weeks i've been trying to start a fest without them and couldnt figure out why it wasnt working and now i know why: becuase laxatives emtpy the stomach so that the body completely skips the extremely difficult to handle 'mouth hungry' stage and goes right to the ( Read more... )

DisorderRatingParanoid Disorder:HighSchizoid Disorder:ModerateSchizotypal Disorder:LowAntisocial Disorder:HighBorderline Disorder:Very HighHistrionic Disorder:ModerateNarcissistic Disorder:ModerateAvoidant Disorder:Very HighDependent Disorder:Very HighObsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
-- Personality ( Read more... )

I went for a walk and this is what i came up with:
'who would've though that he'd grow up with everyone else and leave me behind; all the while i thought he was the one who wasnt going anywhere..."
"Trying to remember what it was like to be loved..."

i realized something today. I am just as ashamed of eating as i am of purging. actually i am WAY MORE ashamed of eating which is rediculous because eating is something that everyone does one way or another yet it is the aspect in my life that i am most ashamed of. When i'm on the computer and freinds ask waht i'm doing i would rather say ' i'm ( Read more... )

bought bullion and i love it. its like the best part of chicken noodle soup with out any of the calories! i think it will be my saving grace. this is my plan: 200 cals a day during the school week and then 500 cals a day on the weekends. think i can do it?? god i hope so. with this new discovery it will be easy! (15 cals for 2 cups of soup!! right

i just dont know what to do . i've been binging for the past week but i havent been purging. i dont know why. Every day i tell myself that i can do it. that i can stop eating and lose weight and be happy. but i cant. i just need to get past that first day. i cant live my life like this. i just cant and if i cant get control of myself no one can ( Read more... )

My grandfather died. Its so strange to think that i will never see him again. Its only after we lose something that we realize how much we have taken it for granted. The fact that i knew i could call him up whenever i wanted and see him, and all the times i didnt. Its just the fact that i'll never be able to do that again... everyone says people ( Read more... )