i have know one i can be with. no one i can talk to when i've lost faith in the world and myself. no one who can hug me and tell me everything is ok. no one whose shoulder i can cry on when i feel like the world is closing in on me. no one who cares. I am myself. i am unloved and i am alone. i am alone in this world of nearly 3 billion people and ( Read more... )

I thought i was getting better and i didnt think i liked it. i just didnt feel like me anymore. Now i know that I havent been geting better, or rather; if i had i've regressed all of a sudden. i've started re entertaining my old ideas of how pointless life is and how my life will be unhappy and torture no matter how i look at it. i just want to die ( Read more... )

I just cant seem to stop these scenarios going through my mind. i am convinced that if i were to just loose weight all my problems would be solved. I lie away at night and dream up situations where i am beautiful and confident and people like me and love me. Of course they all involve mike... and at first i was convinced that that was just becuase ( Read more... )

"I need it. please. just front me some. I'll pay you back. I always do. COMMON". Im standing there, in the road again, alone. The sound of an engine echoing off the buildings. I take the last of it out of the pocket of my jeans, hanging limply along my thin frame; no curves left to hug. I lean against the marble wall of a highrise office building ( Read more... )

she walks into the room, telling herself over and over that she can do this. she is a good singer, people have told her so all her life. she can do this. she runs her hands through her hair and smooths her tank top over her thin frame. Lights, Camera, Action: she smiles and introduces herself. As she starts to sing, all movement from the judges ( Read more... )

I get confused with posting into all the communities now ( Read more... )

better start getting ready for therapy i guess... i decided to go to my school councellor... might be a bad idea... guess i'll find out ( Read more... )

I've been looking into therapy lately. not because i neccisarily want to get ... 'better' i dont. more than anything i wish i could just stop this binging. its not the purging i have a problem with, its the horrible urge to eat everything insight even / especially when i'm not hungry in the slightest. It scares me that this could be due to some ( Read more... )

It's funny i think. On msn, almost everytime someone asks me how i am, I say i'm fine... in between throwing up. they have no idea...

so, recently some sort of automatic gag reflex has been occuring everytime i eat; no matter how small. I know that this is bad, but my feelings of joy and relief that i no longer have to dwell on the 'what if i cant get it up' obsession is so comforting and way out weights the small part of me that is concious of the risks. The truth is, i enjoy ( Read more... )