Not posted in a while and I realize as I am typing this...why should I even bother!? Everyone that I once knew is gone in one way or another. I don't mean anything to anyone anymore except for that one person I know that constantly makes up more lies about me on social media so she can continue to claim that she's a victim.

Don't ask me if I'm ( Read more... )

Everything has a beginning, middle and an end. I don't want to be in the middle anymore. The beginning stage, has been horrible. I am in the middle stage and now. I want to end. I am just ready to go. 

"The game of life is hard to play
 I'm gonna lose it anyway
 The losing card I'll someday lay
 So this is all I have to say"

Somewhere between all of this, we lose everything/everyone and nothing matters anymore. Zero, zilch, nada. "...life goes on, after the thrill of livin' is gone..."! 

I made it to forty-eight. FUCK YOU! 

I wish everything as I know it would end. I wish I would just end.

Nothing has any meaning for me anymore. Memories don't fade like old photographs. They stay with you. They haunt you. They remind you that you no longer mean anything to those who were once an important part of your life. I am so undone, I wish my heart would just stop beating. I am ready to go. I've been there once before, I am ready to go back. I ( Read more... )

I just don't want to go on anymore. I have too many memories that haunt me everyday. I just want go through the final exit door. I don't have anyone in my life anymore. All my memories do, is remind me of what once was, and it will never be again. I mourn the loss of those who once were and what they once meant. I am so dead inside. 

 I am somehow, still here...wandering on this existential plane. I am not who I once was. The last journal entry I made on here was back in 2009. I should have died four times since then, yet, I am still here. Continuing to endure the daily passage of what we call "life". No laughter, no happiness, no love or resolve. I don't belong here. 99% of ( Read more... )

As I sit here on this day known as Labor Day (kinda odd that we observe a day of working without working?!) it is a hot 90 something degrees outside and Hurrican Gustav is tearing it's way inland via the Gulf Coast. The nutty cats Argento and Blitzkrieg are taking one of many catnaps they'll subject themselves too and Amber is asleep in the next ( Read more... )

I have so fucking had it with people telling me what the hell I need or should be doing in my life. Okay, yeah. I was off of work for a week under doctor's orders to start getting my life back in order from all of my panic attacks. The strain of working hard and even harder because I am a professional and I bust my ass because I take pride in my ( Read more... )