It's best to act nonchalant when you are unexpectedly conferenced into a telephone call with someone who you are legally not supposed to talk to. It's best to act noncommittal when you don't want to argue with a Staples employee.

There's no dirty snow banks in Miami Beach. I saw a skinny fish darting towards me, but I didn't panic.

We had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner full of not so subtle sexual innuendo. I will spend a week in Miami Beach exploring cable television and Cuban coffee and rollerblading.

People who slam the door or roll their eyes or sigh disgustedly or try to impress upon me how inconvenienced they are aren't impressing me because they're out visiting art galleries on a weekday afternoon and usually holding purses filled with diamonds or saffron or myrrh. I called the president of Staples and then I flipped out and decided I ( Read more... )

The new little printer prints a picture of a zebra every time I press the wrong button. I was thinking about a herd of small zebra babies and how I would take care of them and never forget to feed them or comb their fur.

We bought a turkey and it's fat. We found out that yams are really called man yams and that I should be in charge of them.

My favorite person from New Zealand is visiting and I'm working up the courage to tell him I'd like a job in New Zealand because someday I'd like to have a sheep farm there. There are less spiders in New Zealand than you would imagine and the snakes are big, but generally very nonchalant.

I have proof that Puffy killed Biggie. I read about Led Zeppelin and the Andy Warhol Foundation in the park while they blew the leaves around with machines.

I know so much about PAR 38 halogen bulbs. I know that I'm sad because I couldn't go surfing this morning, but I did dream about the matrix and what I would do in it.

Sometimes the ritual of benign tasks leaves me itching and longing. Other times my luck is of the worst dirt in the mouth variety and not the serendipitous kind I'm used to.