I have feet that can dance, I have a voice that can sing, I have a body that thrives on movement, I have a heart that has known incredible depth, I have a eyes that see beauty everyday, I have the love of so many good people. I have this aching that says I should do more, that I am not worthy of the abundance in my life. When left unattended it ( Read more... )

I jumped on here to write a post about battling daemons only to see that the last post I wrote over four months ago was on the same theme. It is safe to say they're has been plenty of non-daemony time in between but apparently this is cyclical. Not a huge surprise really though this last bout was obscure. It wasn't surface mind crazy it was deeper ( Read more... )

It is a constant surprise to me how easily I can be thrown off my tracks. How sneaking suspicions of a lack of self worth and lack of focus or value can so easily disassemble me. I have many mantras that should keep me out of these dark spirals "be of service" "Live in the light" "we are all human" and some such but sometimes it isn't enough. ( Read more... )

So I have decided that resolutions are not necessarily ideal format for committing to things for me so I will say instead that the time off afforded me during the Holidays allow me space to gain perspective. I realizing in rereading many of my previous entries here and in my private journal that I frequently ask open ended artfully crafted ( Read more... )

I don't know exactly what to wright about or how to put into words and that is the essence of the problem. The feeling has come and gone for a long time of not knowing what in the hell I am doing. I probe everyone I know in one way or another, directly and indirectly for a statement on what it is I meant to be doing. The funny thing about this ( Read more... )

A friend and I were discussing how we have gotten out of the habit of writing for so long and it is true. It would be easy to assume that I haven't written here for so long because I prefer to write by hand but that is not the case, I haven't written in my private journal in that long either. I have loaded this page and begun to write a few time ( Read more... )

SO now that I am living part time with a friend who is here for the summer in th city I realize just how xenophobic I have become. I love the Valencia area but the noise and press of people has become unfamiliar since my time hiding in the woods. It is refreshing and I remember how much I love being in a city however I also find that I am flinchy ( Read more... )

There has been a confused mass cloud in my head for a while. I keep numbing myself to it because I was afraid of what it would mean if I let it drop. I have been on the verge of tears for days and I couldn't say why, I was having minor panic attacks while driving from a feeling of being trapped and not knowing how I got here or where to go next. So ( Read more... )

I am trying to figure out if I am on a path I want to be on. It is a scary thing to even question. What does it mean if I am? I can't help but wonder if I would be happier if I had continued on my strict path through theater. Which I guess begs the question am I unhappy? the answer to which is not currently but I am not to deep in the various ( Read more... )

A friend and I were discussing the kind of lovers we are and came up with the term spackle love. which basicly boils down to the idea that we look for whatever the other person is missing or wanting and fill it in. In that light it sounds very innocent and like a good time but I think for me it gets a little darker. I recognize peoples weakness and ( Read more... )