It is more then a little surreal to be back in the bay area with no return ticket in my back pocket for Georgia or any where else for that matter. Life here is not slow so I have only had moments to reflect on this but they seem to hit me most in saying good byes. I have seen a few people since I have been home and when saying good bye at the end ( Read more... )

I sat in the crowded theatre for Stranger then Fiction, listening to the general babble of to many humans in too small a space. As is my habit I focused in on snippits of random conversations to get a gauge on the over all mood of the rom. I was trying to fight the realization that alot of the people seated aorund me were prepared for a Will ( Read more... )

Since I have only had my license for a short time, the experience of driving in the rain while crying was entirely new to me. I pulled away from Brady street, one of my dearest friends in the world watching in the predawn grey and though I smiled, the minute my car pulled onto Bull street it stabbed me in the heart, a sob escaped me that has been ( Read more... )

I found a grove at ork today even more then last week that not only allowed me to speak to people with less fear but to speak with compassionate athority. I am able to listen, I finaly feel myself able to get into the place so many theatre teachers and directors have strived to achieve with me. I noticed it most in my final conciousness about how ( Read more... )

So as I was going about my day today I was walking along side this guy who was on his cell phone, talking all high buisness and as I was walking in tempo next to him I got the image of my self ten years from now, walking along and talking on my cell phone to a costume designer. This lead to a fantasy of an office covered in set designs, costumes ( Read more... )

I think the main reason we crawl when we are baby's, is not because we can't walk but so we recognize and learn to feel, on a physical level the time before walking and running. the pulling of our body's wait. The frustration at not being able to get to where we want to go and how large and insurmountable tables, chairs and people look. But it is ( Read more... )

I have been fighting this feeling of hopeless failure grabing onto strings to keep myself afloat. Right now I want someone to want me and I don't mean "love" me I have tons of people who ove me and I am endlessly grateful for that, but what I need is someone to visiraly WANT me, sexualy, physically, spiritualy, mentally, to the point where they ( Read more... )

So, today was a rough day. I am working at the Alliance Theatre selling subscriptions aka; telamarketing, and it is puting me to the test. I can't seem to convince myself or anyone on the phone that what I'm telling them is the right thing to do. But here is the catch, I want people to come to theatre, I want them to some more then once a year. but ( Read more... )

I should not whine and moan about the stresses of being an adult, it feels to absurde. I want to turn a hundred places to blame but I know it will do no good. I need a job and I need to find a way to do the thing I love. I have been out of theatre for months and it is not good. The longer I wait to explore my chosen craft the more doubts pile up I ( Read more... )

So I now have four days left before I have to leave. This last week is flying by, th esmall panick attaks have started mainly haveing to do with the idea of haveing to pack and up root again. I have grown comfortabe here, too comfortable- complacent - a scary word for an artist and I am ready to leav the drama and the pain behind. I know that ( Read more... )