I woke up at ten and should have stayed awake. but I didn't when I fall back to sleep in the morning I have the most vivid and typically disturbing dreams. I'm not entirely sure what they were all about but I know one was me the day of my last classes of college. I felt my heart racing and I woke up crying, so scared. I don't know why this should ( Read more... )

My first day off in, I don't know how long. I have so many things I want to do but I have to sacrifice them for the things that must be done. But I sit here and feel the moments slip away. Aother day of my life almost done. I'm tired of compromiseing of being told that I have to. I'm tired of stairing at the same mess in the same house in the same ( Read more... )

Bitter sweet evening. I watched one of my dearest friends finaly fall in with this guy she has been craving. I took all of us pushing them to get them to get over themselves and admit it to eachother but now they are happy. and feeling selfish and unethical I now feel lonely. Listened to Tom Waits while smoking a cigerret on the way home witched ( Read more... )

So as it goes with theater The Sound of Music, the show I have been whining about, finally opened. And in classic theater fashion, regardless of the amount of crying, stressing, vomiting, and everything else, everyone was clothed and they actually look pretty good. Now I wish my director agreed. He doesn't realize that I pulled of a miracle by ( Read more... )

I am loosing my mind. I can't stop crying right now it just keeps coming up like vomit. I want vomit. I want to get everything out of me. I want to be beyond where I am now. I can't do this. I know that it is rediculouse to be having a nervous break down over a show but there are 45 people depending on me to make them look good and I don't know how ( Read more... )

I actually got so stressed out tonight that I threw up. I know that sounds drastic but I couldn't help it. I wonder sometimes how much it takes to just break someone. My boss said that I betrayed the show I was working on today. I have had no time. I haven't had a day off since christmas. Once I started sewing it was ok but I just woner how far the ( Read more... )

I started this journal on a night when I felt I wanted to be known by people who didn't know me. Now I have had to much wine and I wonder again why I care to be known. I am in one of those nights. One of those I feel dramatic and surperpholous. how much do I love that word. nights.