um.. hi :) been about a month.

i can count on one hand the people who read this journal, and even that is a loose assumption on my part. *shrugs* probably why i never say much here anymore. remember when lj was the website to visit, back in high school? and i didn't even let myself join until the end of senior year. ha ( Read more... )

the holidays. hm. i think this is officially the "first holiday season of the rest of my life," what with being so detached and all. lol it's the pettiest of all things involving losing my faith - though, for the record, i hate that terminology. just like committing suicide, the connotation making it stigmatic. *shrugs* offtopic. what i mean to say ( Read more... )

hi! guess who's having a frickin amazing christmas, even though i'm not feeling the christmas spirit and, well, don't believe in christmas. lol.

my new best friend is Bert. he's a beautiful 30GB iPod filled with all of my favorite music and a bunch of videos. soon he'll be playing in my car, and you won't be allowed to touch him.

as for my real ( Read more... )

it's strange how so many things have changed for the worse lately. so many situations and people that just slipped away, right from underneath my fingers.

and yet, i feel better than ever.

which 'goodbye' song should i quote?

i will leave under the cover of summer's kiss upon the sky ( Read more... )

so, congratulations are in order. you finally did it, you pushed me away. i wonder what you're feeling right now. relief, accomplishment.. apathy. this entry is either my last-ditch effort or my nail in the coffin. i really haven't figured it out yet.

i wasn't like anyone else ( Read more... )

i'm in a strange situation where part of me wants to drop every single responsibility i have, and part of me wants to pick up 6352987 new ones. i've reached a point where i'm just so tired that i want to leave absolutely everything behind, just forget about life and rest for as long as i can. then another part of me figures, if i'm tired, shouldn't ( Read more... )

ok. it's a joke, but it isn't.

i feel a little more alone now... and i really didn't predict that.

alone on the outside is fine, even preferable. alone on the inside is torture.

people don't want to hear confusion. they want to hear certainty. concretes and absolutes ( Read more... )

i had perhaps the best dream of my life last night, and it's opened my eyes.

what was true nine months ago isn't true anymore. i need another change - i need a reverse gear.

i've had it with sidestreets. i'm finding my way back to the highway.

paul doucette plans to release his record in january and do a tour directly after.

i think matchbox twenty is dead.

i wish their solo careers would die instead.