Hey all. I've got no reason to believe anyone still checks here, but I thought I'd explain why nothing ever gets written here any more. There are two main reasons, of roughly equal importance ( Read more... )

Brian: (Looks at Petri dish.) Holy Shit.

Mold: (Is a fungus. Cannot talk ( Read more... )

Just a quick break to point out that Will (a grad student at Chicago, and former member of the now defunct Bunch of Jackasses) had a letter to the editor on Iraq accepted by the New York Times.

In other Will-related news, his fantasy baseball team is getting its ass kicked this year.

That is all.

Brian (recording): You have reached Brian's cell phone. I can't take your call right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Bob: Hi Brian, This is Bob Schmitzee. You may remember we met on that, ah, notorious evening last week at Democratic headquarters. Just a reminder, indeed, that group will be ( Read more... )

Krystal: Hello.
Brian: Hey.
Krystal: Hey.
Brian: So I was just walking to my car and I see the end of the block taped off, like with police tape. We had a really strong storm for about 15 minutes in the middle of the afternoon and I figured out as I was walking that a tree had probably been blown over. I couldn't see the tree, but I knew I ( Read more... )

Bob: You here for the meeting?

Brian: Yep.

Bob: Bob and Hazel Schmitzee. (Shakes Brian's hand.) Don't worry; I've got a key. (Consults wallet for combination; unlocks door.) Have you been to a meeting before?

Brian: No, I'm relatively new here. I moved here about nine months ago. I just finished grad school at the University of Chicago.

( Read more... )

I've gotten some moderate pestering to update my blog in the last week or so, at which point I realized that it had been a month since I'd written anything. Damn, girlfriend ( Read more... )

Adam M.: It's so much easier to get parked

Brian: yep
Brian: this isn't encouraging me to ride my bike

Adam M.: You could, like, schedule bike rides for exercise and stuff. Y'know, like proper exercise. Evenings and weekends. I've seen the low-carb beer commercials. I know what goes on.

Brian: do i have to drink the low-carb beers now, too?

( Read more... )

Brian: hey. was it always this hot in the office last summer?

Adam M.: It was usually 2-300degrees in the office through August. Although, Shmooey was burning stuff 'cos the microwave was out. Maybe it was that.
Adam M.: He has to cook his Manwiches somehow.

Brian: i assume those are his 30 2-liter bottles of diet coke on the shelves of his ( Read more... )

Britt: WOW WEIRD
Britt: you won't believe this

Brian: what?

Britt: some girls just came over and introduced themselves to Billy Shmooey
Britt: one of them is Susan Schmooey
Britt: his sister-in-law
Britt: who he's apparently never met
Britt: oh my god

Brian: what?!!!

Britt: no, this is actually happening

Brian: what a freak

Britt: "there's ( Read more... )