Life is changing. I'm trying so desperately hard to hold on to what has been, while looking to reach out and take hold of what is ahead of me, and pull them together into a giant mess of what makes me incredibly happy.

But of course, one of the most important lessons, the one lesson that 12 , 16, 20 years of school won't teach you?

How to let go.

( Read more... )

I'm so incredibly fucking disappointed. I've written in these entries numerous times how singularly important, so massively pivotal, how infinitely valuable my sports are to me. The hard work, the team work, the body, the mind, the soul, the friends, the victory, the failure, the smiles, the injuries, the blood, sweat, tears, anger, frustration, ( Read more... )

I feel like kicking the walls because I'm so incredibly frustrated and mad and overwhelmed right now.

Please oh please oh pleaseeeeee let me wake up to something different.

Or else I'm going to scream. Assuming I can breathe.

Dear Janice ( Read more... )

And so I've managed to corral my wandering mind into a space small enough to keep my thoughts moderately coherent to my sedated mind- this makes me far less hesitant to allow my determination and ideology to become my word on these silent yet significant surrenders. That's what I've come to look at this as; not my confessional, my surrender. My ( Read more... )

Considering the amount of stress I am under, and the amount of stress I've been able to set aside for another day, and the amount of pressure I've felt on all sides to get all my shit together and turn my days around ( Read more... )

"Closing time,
Where every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

I haven't heard that song since I was much younger than I am now. But I was just thinking of what to say to appropriately describe how I feel. But it seems like every time I try to explain the plethora of feelings on a smorgesboard of different subjects and recent events ( Read more... )

I get the feeling that no one understands me. And not just because one or two people said so in the same few days; but because everyone seems to analyze me and say "I know why your sad; it's because of this."

And you're so completely wrong.

I don't need you. I don't need your help, I don't need your pity, I don't need your advice. I could have used ( Read more... )

"You're an idiot."

Why do you feel the need?

It made me so happy to talk to you.
Now I'm right back where I started in the first place.

WHATS THE POINT.

I thought you'd be a shoe in

I'd rather not talk to you at all.

What did I expect?
Fuck you.

You asshole.

We're done.

I hate you.

This is goodbye.

Have a nice life.

Why do you fight my battles when you know you' ( Read more... )

This time, I feel like there's just nothing left for me to say.