10:30pm sunday november 12, 2006.

weather: rain. on and off monsoon-style winds with intense fog and limited visibility.
(kind of describes my current mental state)
((i cry, i weep, i bawl. my eyes are swollen to the point of blindness. i am miserable and violently depressed, but this is all just relative to how ive been these past few months.))

scene ( Read more... )

i should be writing my paper right now. or studying for a test. or getting ready for work. i should be doing a million different things right now, but ive just stopped. stopped caring and trying and trying to care.

i just want to be in the library right now...

i want to cry. all of the time. and i feel like such a tool expressing it like this, but i can just feel it building up and even the tiniest things that go wrong depress the hell out of me, but i cannot have the cathartic release of a cry. so im just depressed. and  then violently happy when im not alone. does that make me bipolar? or just an ( Read more... )

i give up. on making peace. within myself and others. and maybe thats weak and cowardly of me, but i am so damn tired of it. STOP BEING MEAN. for like two seconds long enough to feel something genuine. and you complain that your problems arent big and therefore you have to deal with them on your own on top of everyone elses shit. heres a little ( Read more... )

i am at the point of no return and fading fast. i dont know what is it that im running from or what i could possibly be running to, but i just know that i am not happy here and need to be somewhere else. driving home was the hardest thing to do. pulling into the driveway as the days change but the people dont, the words dont, this street never ( Read more... )

i am in the process of dying my hair black just because i need a change, and why not just dye my hair for a month? i think it sounds likea good plan. well see how it looks when i wash it out in 10 minutes.

so this is me killing time until time kills me.

why do our most poetic and profound thought occur while in the midst of taking a shit?

maybe i'll write this semester. not papers for class or dear diary thoughts, but maybe i'll write a book. nothing of consequence, but just the english language arranged in such a way that someone can maybe understand the jumble that is in my head. and maybe it ( Read more... )

when not even your best friend knows what to say to you. or when no one misses you when youre gone. or when you just cant see an up-side to this horribly bad situation you've landed yourself in. or when no one gives you a birthday present. or when the only thing you can think about while driving is how to get into an accident without hurting the ( Read more... )

i feel really sick and dont know what to do with myself. by 1pm this will all go away or get much worse. well see...

im praying even though ive never done that sort of thing...

so lets just say things havent really turned out as i expected ( Read more... )