(no subject)
Title: Heartache Every Moment
Chapter Title: Requited
Author: slasher48 /
bad_bad_books
Rating: PG-13 for some light..sexual things..barely at all sadly
Pairing: FINALLY Max/Tom :D
Disclaimer: N-o-t r-e-a-l...u-n-f-o-r-t-u-n-a-t-e-l-y.
I'm thinking either this is the end...or if I get some more inspiration, I'll end it in another chapter..with some making love type sex.
Hmm
OMG
No Way
End
Run
Restless
Talk
Tom's POV
I'm sitting in my hotel room, alone. Alone...I fucking hate that word. I hate the thought of it, even. I'm alone..and now I always will be. No matter where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with, I'll always be alone...or feel it anyway. As long as he and I aren't friends, alone will be the emotion invading my senses for the rest of my life.
I can't sleep, can't think, can't even speak to Jason to try to lie to him and say I'm alright, that I've forgotten and moved on. It's been six hours since I said I didn't wanna see Max anymore, and all I can think of is how much I want to apologize, take him in my arms and tell him everything, his reaction be damned. It's like someone has pasted a picture of him on the inside of my head; no matter if my eyes are open or closed, all I can see is him.
My arms are wrapped around a pillow and my eyes are fixed on the boring beige wall across from me. I'm biting my lip and tightening my body to keep myself from getting up off my bed and going to him. It's better this way, I keep telling myself but my heart is stubborn and naive. It swears he feels the same and that he would never forsake me even if he doesn't.
I miss him so badly it feels hollow even to my own ears to say it anymore, so many times have I thought the words. Jase, Danny, and Ryan have heard it so many times their ears must still be ringing with the statement.
I'm thinking of going to drown myself in the tub when I hear a small, tentative knock on the door. My eyes don't move from their spot on the wall as I say, "It's open."
I don't budge as footsteps come closer to me, hoping that whoever it is will simply realize I don't want to talk and go away, leave me to my misery. A soft, shy, almost fearful, "Tommy?", however, awakens me from my trance. I know his voice...a million people would be screaming and I'd still know that heavily accented, husky tone from the rest. I can't look up...to see his face would shatter me, so I focus on his voice, closing my eyes to enjoy it as he repeats my name again.
When I feel the bed dip as he sits, I keep them closed, even when he says my name more urgently. "Tom." But, when I feel the air shift as he reaches to touch me, I have to open my eyes. I feel an immediate shaft of pain cut through me when I meet his eyes. They're wide with anxiety and dark with emotion..always expressive, his eyes, no matter how much he tries to shield them. I can see his lip quiver as he asks again, "Tom?" and I want to die knowing he's scared to talk to me.
I swallow, feeling as though my voice hasn't been used in years. "Yeah?"
He looks away and I immediately feel the loss of his eyes, biting his lip in a way I know he always does when he's nervous. "Why? Why would you want to do something like that? Why would you send me..send me away?"
My eyes go wide. Why did he have to ask me that? WHY? How can I keep holding my secret from him when he's looking at me like he's going to burst into tears at any moment, an equal mixture of fear and hope in his pretty brown eyes? "I...I can't tell you, Max."
I can sense the impending explosion as he sucks in a breath; Max only gets angry when the sadness is too much to bear, yelling instead of crying. He stands, trying to force distance between us, and glares at me. "You can't TELL me? You want to just end it like that and walk away without even TELLING me what I've done wrong?" His anger seems to be too much for his body to handle combined with being so distraught, and he falls backwards toward the wall, leaning against it for support. "Just tell me what I did, Tommy. What did I do to make you so mad you wouldn't ever want to see me again?", he whispers, sounding so fragile that my heart breaks all over again. He's looking down at the floor and I hear the splash of tears hitting the carpet.
I can't say the words that will let him continue to think that way. I can't speak them, knowing they'll break his heart. It's just not in me to hurt him that way again. So, I close my eyes and take a deep breath and say, "Nothing...you did nothing. I just can't tell you why we can't be friends anymore. You'll hate me for it."
I almost smile at his immediate denial that such a thing could be possible. "You haven't heard what I'm going to say yet," I reply, giving him a look that tells him to shut up and listen.
Not that he listens, of course...he never does. He steps away from the wall and toward me, taking his seat on the bed again. His eyes search mine as he reaches out a hand to caress my cheek, holding my nervous gaze. "I think I know what you're going to say," he says, surprising me. I can feel my jaw drop and my eyes get wide.
"You do?"
He nods. "Yes, and I just thought you should know before you continue that I feel the same." His eyes smile at me and I'm hard pressed to stop the grin on my face as I stare back warily.
"You...you do?", I stammer, wondering if miracles such as this can really happen. Could he really love me back?
He holds my face tenderly in his hands and smiles. "Yes. I love you, Thomas."
I'm crying now, fat, wet tears of joy sliding down my cheeks. "I..I love you too, Maxim." I lean forward and gently press my lips to his, dropping the pillow to wrap my arms around him and pull him closer.
I pull away for a second to whisper, "I'm sorry for what I said, Max. I..I didn't mean it, y'know..I just.."
He silences my explanation with another kiss, replying, "You were already forgiven, Tommy...the second you said you loved me."
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Should I end it there or proceed with the lovemaking? (Dumb question, I know lol) Let me know what you thought in case this was the end :)
Chapter Title: Requited
Author: slasher48 /
bad_bad_books
Rating: PG-13 for some light..sexual things..barely at all sadly
Pairing: FINALLY Max/Tom :D
Disclaimer: N-o-t r-e-a-l...u-n-f-o-r-t-u-n-a-t-e-l-y.
I'm thinking either this is the end...or if I get some more inspiration, I'll end it in another chapter..with some making love type sex.
Hmm
OMG
No Way
End
Run
Restless
Talk
Tom's POV
I'm sitting in my hotel room, alone. Alone...I fucking hate that word. I hate the thought of it, even. I'm alone..and now I always will be. No matter where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm with, I'll always be alone...or feel it anyway. As long as he and I aren't friends, alone will be the emotion invading my senses for the rest of my life.
I can't sleep, can't think, can't even speak to Jason to try to lie to him and say I'm alright, that I've forgotten and moved on. It's been six hours since I said I didn't wanna see Max anymore, and all I can think of is how much I want to apologize, take him in my arms and tell him everything, his reaction be damned. It's like someone has pasted a picture of him on the inside of my head; no matter if my eyes are open or closed, all I can see is him.
My arms are wrapped around a pillow and my eyes are fixed on the boring beige wall across from me. I'm biting my lip and tightening my body to keep myself from getting up off my bed and going to him. It's better this way, I keep telling myself but my heart is stubborn and naive. It swears he feels the same and that he would never forsake me even if he doesn't.
I miss him so badly it feels hollow even to my own ears to say it anymore, so many times have I thought the words. Jase, Danny, and Ryan have heard it so many times their ears must still be ringing with the statement.
I'm thinking of going to drown myself in the tub when I hear a small, tentative knock on the door. My eyes don't move from their spot on the wall as I say, "It's open."
I don't budge as footsteps come closer to me, hoping that whoever it is will simply realize I don't want to talk and go away, leave me to my misery. A soft, shy, almost fearful, "Tommy?", however, awakens me from my trance. I know his voice...a million people would be screaming and I'd still know that heavily accented, husky tone from the rest. I can't look up...to see his face would shatter me, so I focus on his voice, closing my eyes to enjoy it as he repeats my name again.
When I feel the bed dip as he sits, I keep them closed, even when he says my name more urgently. "Tom." But, when I feel the air shift as he reaches to touch me, I have to open my eyes. I feel an immediate shaft of pain cut through me when I meet his eyes. They're wide with anxiety and dark with emotion..always expressive, his eyes, no matter how much he tries to shield them. I can see his lip quiver as he asks again, "Tom?" and I want to die knowing he's scared to talk to me.
I swallow, feeling as though my voice hasn't been used in years. "Yeah?"
He looks away and I immediately feel the loss of his eyes, biting his lip in a way I know he always does when he's nervous. "Why? Why would you want to do something like that? Why would you send me..send me away?"
My eyes go wide. Why did he have to ask me that? WHY? How can I keep holding my secret from him when he's looking at me like he's going to burst into tears at any moment, an equal mixture of fear and hope in his pretty brown eyes? "I...I can't tell you, Max."
I can sense the impending explosion as he sucks in a breath; Max only gets angry when the sadness is too much to bear, yelling instead of crying. He stands, trying to force distance between us, and glares at me. "You can't TELL me? You want to just end it like that and walk away without even TELLING me what I've done wrong?" His anger seems to be too much for his body to handle combined with being so distraught, and he falls backwards toward the wall, leaning against it for support. "Just tell me what I did, Tommy. What did I do to make you so mad you wouldn't ever want to see me again?", he whispers, sounding so fragile that my heart breaks all over again. He's looking down at the floor and I hear the splash of tears hitting the carpet.
I can't say the words that will let him continue to think that way. I can't speak them, knowing they'll break his heart. It's just not in me to hurt him that way again. So, I close my eyes and take a deep breath and say, "Nothing...you did nothing. I just can't tell you why we can't be friends anymore. You'll hate me for it."
I almost smile at his immediate denial that such a thing could be possible. "You haven't heard what I'm going to say yet," I reply, giving him a look that tells him to shut up and listen.
Not that he listens, of course...he never does. He steps away from the wall and toward me, taking his seat on the bed again. His eyes search mine as he reaches out a hand to caress my cheek, holding my nervous gaze. "I think I know what you're going to say," he says, surprising me. I can feel my jaw drop and my eyes get wide.
"You do?"
He nods. "Yes, and I just thought you should know before you continue that I feel the same." His eyes smile at me and I'm hard pressed to stop the grin on my face as I stare back warily.
"You...you do?", I stammer, wondering if miracles such as this can really happen. Could he really love me back?
He holds my face tenderly in his hands and smiles. "Yes. I love you, Thomas."
I'm crying now, fat, wet tears of joy sliding down my cheeks. "I..I love you too, Maxim." I lean forward and gently press my lips to his, dropping the pillow to wrap my arms around him and pull him closer.
I pull away for a second to whisper, "I'm sorry for what I said, Max. I..I didn't mean it, y'know..I just.."
He silences my explanation with another kiss, replying, "You were already forgiven, Tommy...the second you said you loved me."
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Should I end it there or proceed with the lovemaking? (Dumb question, I know lol) Let me know what you thought in case this was the end :)