So I'm going to Chipotle, of course, and on my way I have to drop off my mom at Kohl's so she can make a return. So I drop off the parental unit, then merry on over to the Big C for an even bigger B. I get my B to go, then merry back on over to Kohl's to pick up the mom. She hasn't come out yet, so I figure I'll just lodge myself in the parking ( Read more... )

We are now going to have four Starbucks in a one mile radius of each other. FOUR. Capitalism scares me ( Read more... )

Welcome to today's edition of, "When Things Go Terribly Wrong".

Your alarm clock rings with a deafening roar. It's far too early to be awake, but you have obligations this morning. In a tired stupor you cancel the buzzing and clumsily get out of bed. The second you're on your feet you are overcome with a saturating need to urinate. Still dazed, ( Read more... )

I think I would be a lot cooler if I had a pet ferret. Then I could mate with it and we'd have little baby Kerrets, pronounced like "carrots". But I suppose if we mated it wouldn't really be my pet so much as a taboo lover. Which would make us rebellious. We would have to move to Canada where the law permits us to marry. I'm not very big on ( Read more... )

Notes:

• I just got done reading Slaughterhouse 5. It was pretty good. I like the Tralfamadorians, they've got things figured out.
• I must be getting really old, because I find myself intensely liking Billy Joel music. That and I've lost control of my sphincter.
• I've somehow fastened an A in my partial differential equations class, despite ( Read more... )

I don't see why people tan themselves so much, specifically popular high school girls. Do they go to the tanning salon and say "Find out what's going to kill me, and then take it down a notch. I want to look like leather." Awesome. If I got turned on by leather then having a wallet in my pocket would pose a lot of problems ( Read more... )

There are many things to take seriously. Life is not one of them.

Alarm clocks suck. Wouldn't you much rather wake up to one of ( these )

These spam emails are getting a lot smarter on me. I'm talking in just the past couple of months here. At first all I got was a bunch of nonsense, like "Subject: JKD:fjdkafd, From: heislfj jornda". Yeah, let me open that right up. Oh what happened!? Deleted? Oops ( Read more... )

One crazy night a while back I had a fabulous dream where I was lathered up in canola oil, doing a crossword puzzle in the kitchen. Just then, I saw the silhouette of a nude body walking slowly down the stairs. Inexplicably excited, I held my breath as this phantom beauty tiptoed closer towards the light. Whoever it was, they approached slowly ( Read more... )