Full Circle Moment (3/3)
Full Circle Moment
Author: alienanalysis
Title: Full Circle Moment (3/3)
Pairing: Kradam
Rating: NC-17 overall
Summary: Kris and Adam both deny their feelings and try to move on after the tour ends, but fate has a funny way of telling Kris that they belong together...
Length: 7,800
Disclaimer: Thisisaworkoffictionidontowneitheroftheguysmaycontainstronglanguageandcontentofasexualnatureblahblahblah.
Notes: The third and final part is up! Sorry about the delay, hope you all like the ending. Thanks for all the awesome comments on the last two parts, much appreciated :) Not sure when I’ll have time to write my next story as I have my two years in-the-making epic 180,000 word novel to edit over the coming weeks (which by some weird co-incidence is also about the winner and runner-up of an Idol-style show), but if inspiration hits me, I’m sure I’ll dabble in some more Kradam action soon ;)
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( Part 3)
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Congratulations on the album!
Kris’s smile was bittersweet as he read the message on his phone. As happy as he was about his album’s first week sales, it just wasn’t the same without being able to share the experience with Adam.
They’d shared everything together so far. Hollywood week, the live shows, the finale, the summer tour... but now Kris was experiencing life as Kris Allen, solo star. No more Idol. No more Kradam.
‘Who was that from, sweetie?’
Kris quickly put his phone down and looked back at his wife. ‘Oh, just Adam congratulating me on the album.’
‘That’s awesome,’ Katy smiled, passing him a cup of coffee. ‘The media may be trying to stir up a sales war between you guys, but it’s cool that you and Adam don’t let it come between you!’
‘Yeah,’ Kris replied, knowing what was really coming between him and Adam.
He sat sipping at his coffee, half-listening as Katy told him about some houses she’d arranged viewings for the following week. Kris had been so busy finishing the album and doing all the promo that they hadn’t had a chance buy a house yet and were only renting, but Katy had her heart set on a place in Beverly Hills.
‘It’s beautiful,’ she gushed, passing Kris a photo of the property. ‘It’s in our budget. And you’ll be happy to learn it’s only a couple of blocks away from Adam’s new house.’
Kris stared blankly back at his grinning wife. ‘Only two blocks..?’ Knowing Adam was so near would only make things worse than they were.
Saying goodbye to Adam at the airport after the tour had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Giving Adam that goodbye hug and promising to ‘stay in touch’ had been so hard for them both, made even harder now that they were both living in the same city, with their partners, always seeing one another on the promo circuit... yet not being able to be together.
Being neighbors would only make it ten times harder.
‘This must be your first afternoon off in at least two weeks,’ Katy said, interrupting Kris’s daydream. ‘Let’s make the most of it and go shopping. I mean, come on, we’re in LA!’
Kris agreed and they headed off to The Grove. Sitting around at home doing nothing was only making his mind work overtime thinking about Adam, so a shopping trip would be a welcome distraction.
As they waited for the elevator in the parking lot, Kris looked down at the ground several storeys below and spotted the CBS Studios next door where Idol had been filmed, all the memories from six months earlier flooding back. Was that really six months ago..? So much had happened in that time. Life had changed. Kris had changed.
Kris had thought shopping would take his mind off Adam, but obviously not.
‘We should go and buy your album,’ Katy laughed as they walked through the busy mall. ‘Every record sale counts!’
Kris laughed and followed her into Barnes & Noble. ‘I hope no photographers catch us. That would look so lame.’
Katy picked up a CD and walked towards the counter. ‘Look, they’re advertising Adam’s album already.’
Kris turned around to be confronted with a huge poster of Adam’s face. ‘Uh, yeah...’ he trailed off, gazing into Adam’s eyes and realising just how much he missed him...
Quickly turning away, he looked at Katy instead, wishing he could gaze into her eyes instead and feel his heart do back-flips they way that it did when he looked at Adam.
The two women in front of them in the line, totally oblivious to Kris’s presence, had also noticed the Adam poster. ‘Wow, that Adam Lambert is so hot!’ one gushed to the other. ‘Did you see him on TV last week in those super tight pants?’
‘Oh gosh, yes!’ the friend exclaimed. ‘I’ve heard he’s at least 8 and a half inches. I’m so envious of his boyfriend getting that every night!’
Kris felt himself getting flustered as he eavesdropped their conversation, suddenly missing Adam’s 8 and a half inches very much. He’d never forget that night in Arkansas when they’d first had sex. Adam had been so gentle and careful with Kris. He’d turned Kris on in ways he never thought possible.
‘Ew, that scrawny guy he’s dating?’ the women responded. ‘Adam needs someone hotter than that. Hey, how about Kris Allen, they’d make a super-hot couple!’
Katy overheard and started to giggle, poking Kris in the ribs.
Kris shook his head and let out an exhausted sigh. The posters, the fans trying to hook them up, there just wasn’t any escape from Adam.
They continued on shopping, Katy dropping hints of what she might want for Christmas. ‘Nice,’ he responded, trying to sound enthusiastic as Katy gushed over some lingerie in Victoria’s Secret. ‘You know, this shopping is kinda tiring...’
‘It is, let’s go and grab a coffee.’
As they approached Starbucks, Kris sighed, remembering the fact that he’d first met Adam in a Starbucks, only a few miles away from this one. Just the smell of the coffee made him think of Adam.
Everything did.
He clutched Katy’s hand as they stood in line, trying to be grateful for what he had. A successful album, a solo tour in the pipeline, a loving family, a gorgeous wife.
But as they left the coffee shop, he was confronted with what he didn’t have, yet wanted more than anything.
Adam. Yet again larger than life, twelve feet high and plastered over a billboard.
He shook his head and let out an exhausted laugh. There really was no escape. Adam was everywhere. As hard as he’d tried to forget about him, it seemed like it was going to be impossible.
‘I’m still kinda tired, can we head home soon?’ Kris begged as Katy dragged him in a jewellery store. Not only had his promo schedule tired him out, but there was only so much Adam-ness Kris could take in one afternoon.
Katy looked up from the necklace she was eying up and sighed. ‘OK then,’ she replied reluctantly.
Seeing her disappointed expression, Kris felt another wave of guilt; a feeling he’d become very familiar with over the last few months.
‘You like that, huh?’ he questioned, pointing at the diamond necklace behind the cabinet.
‘It’s beautiful,’ Katy sighed.
Kris motioned for a member of staff to come over and unlock the cabinet. ‘Call it an early Christmas gift,’ he smiled sheepishly, hoping the large dent it would make in his wallet would help ease that guilt constantly eating away inside.
As Katy squealed away at her new present, Kris felt his phone buzzing in his pocket.
Free tonight for dinner?
Kris stared at Adam’s message, then glanced back at Katy. He’d met up with Adam a few times since moving to LA and they’d managed to act normal and pretend nothing had ever happened, but it was still painful for them both. Things just weren’t the same. They never would be.
No, he just couldn’t see Adam.
He needed to get Adam out of his system and move on. Concentrate on his marriage, his career, buying a house, touring. Not stir up old feelings again.
He deleted the message without replying and leant over to give Katy a hug. ‘You like it?’
‘Oh, yes!’ she grinned, already wearing the necklace. ‘Thank you, Kris. Thank you so much. I love you.’
Grabbing her hand, they started walking back towards the car. ‘I love you too,’ he replied, trying to convince himself that he did.
***
Kris may have been able to get out of dinner with Adam, but he following week he found himself attending Adam’s album launch party.
He’d had no choice. 19E and Katy had forced him.
‘This is so Adam,’ Katy laughed as they stood by the bar looking around the room at the semi-naked butlers serving cocktails, belly-dancers with fire-lit head-dresses and lavish spread of sushi and caviar.
‘It is,’ Kris laughed back, thinking how tame his own album launch had been in comparison.
He looked around and noticed several familiar faces. Executives from 19E. Magazine reporters. Adam’s many celebrity friends. Some of their fellow Idols.
But no Adam. Apparently, he’d been in the VIP room schmoozing with guests all evening. Kris hadn’t even had a chance to say hello yet.
Not that Kris minded. Avoiding Adam was far easier than the pain of having to see him. Since deleting Adam’s invite to dinner the previous week, he’d received several more messages and voicemails from Adam.
But not replied to a single one.
Kris felt like a jerk for ignoring Adam. But with his marriage - and sanity - at stake, he felt it was the only thing he could do, to help him move on.
‘Don’t you want to go and find him and say hi?’
Kris hesitated before answering. He did desperately want to see Adam, having missed him like crazy since the tour and desperate for even just one hug.
But what good would that do, but just mess with his head even more..?
‘No, he’s busy,’ Kris dismissed. ‘I can see him any time. Let him enjoy his party.’
As Katy spotted someone she knew and rushed across the room, Kris stood alone by the door of the VIP section, wondering if he should go in or not.
Peaking around the corner, he finally spotted Adam, center of attention as always, sitting on a red velvet couch holding court with at least ten guests, sipping a martini while dressed in a very-Adam leather and leopard print ensemble.
Kris shrunk away from the doorway, hoping Adam hadn’t spotted him.
Too late. He watched as Adam excused himself from the couch and came striding towards the door.
‘Long time, no see,’ Adam said without a hello or a smile.
Kris gave a sheepish smile. ‘I guess we’ve both been busy...’
‘Something wrong with your phone?’ Adam remarked with a raised eyebrow. ‘Maybe you should go to the AT&T store and get it fixed. They love you there... oh, as long as they haven’t reviewed their security camera footage from July 25.’
Ouch. Kris looked down as he flushed red and mumbled an apology.
‘You know Kris,’ Adam went on, ‘I knew things wouldn’t be easy between us after what happened. But I at least thought you’d be a respectful human being and be considerate for my feelings. Blanking me is so not cool.’
Kris continued to stare at the floor, unable to open his mouth and respond.
A random camp man sauntered out of the VIP lounge and draped an arm around Adam’s shoulder. ‘Quit having your lover’s row and come back,’ he drawled drunkenly in Adam’s ear.
‘You’ve been telling the world about us?’ Kris finally spoke up.
Adam laughed and shook his head, motioning to his friend to leave them alone. ‘He’s kidding, nobody knows. Not even Drake. Not that I’m seeing him any more.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Kris replied, looking up to meet Adam’s eyes for the first time.
He soon wished he hadn’t. Those big blue eyes he loved staring back into were full of anger, pain, confusion, despair.
‘I guess we’ve drifted apart,’ Adam replied with a shrug. ‘It happens. Maybe it’s best if we don’t see one another again.’
Kris tried to string a sentence together, but his words were all jumbled and his heart was sinking fast.
He knew he wanted to move on and forget about Adam... but he had no idea it would hurt this much.
Staring back at Adam, he could tell it was just as painful for him too. He reached out to hug him like he had a million times, but Adam backed away.
‘You’re onstage in five,’ a minder shouted out, muscling in to pull Adam away.
Kris watched as Adam walked away without a backwards glance, feeling his lip quivering.
That was not how he wanted things to end.
Kris stood in a daze for a few minutes trying to comprehend what had happened, when the music faded and Adam took to the stage at the front of the club to address the crowd.
He watched from a distance as Adam laughed and bantered with the crowd as if he didn’t have a care in the world. But Kris knew otherwise. Adam had not only lost him, but as he’d just discovered, also broken up with Drake.
But Adam did a great job disguising his double heartbreak and launched into a new track from his album, giving it 110% as he always did.
Kris watched, captivated by the performance.
Eyes transfixed on stage, Kris drifted off into a dream, pretending for a moment he was in a parallel universe where it was OK for him and Adam to be together, where none of this mess had happened, where they could both be happy, and together.
Kris felt tears start stinging his eyes as he thought back at all the happy times they’d shared together over the past year. It all seemed so wasted. They were both so crazy for one another, yet now they were crazy at one another.
As Adam finished performing, Kris watched him depart the stage and start walking to the door with his minder.
‘Don’t go yet!’ Kris exclaimed, pushing his way across the room to catch up. Surely Adam wasn’t leaving already..? They just couldn’t leave things on a sour note like this.
He reached the exit and watched as Adam was escorted to his awaiting car, waving and smiling to photographers and fans, yet the usual magical glint in his eyes missing.
Kris edged his way out of the crowd toward the car, but it was too late. The minder slammed the door behind Adam and it began to drive off.
Kris stood on the sidewalk as the car drove past. He caught Adam’s eye for a brief moment and held a hand up to say goodbye.
No response. Adam stared blankly through the window as if he was looking right through Kris, like he wasn’t even there.
‘I’ve done it again,’ Kris sighed to himself as he watched the car disappear into the distance. ‘I’ve hurt him. Again. No wonder he’s mad at me.’
***
Thanksgiving should have been a happy, family occasion, to catch up with loved-ones and give thanks for everything that he was grateful for in his life. And Kris had a lot to be grateful for.
But being back in Conway just brought back memories of that night.
Still, spending time with his family helped keep his mind off things. Feeling sick for having too many second helpings of pumpkin pie, Kris hugged his parents goodbye and made his way out to the car. His busy schedule only allowed for one day in Arkansas, so he and Katy were trying to cram in all their families and friends while they were there.
He got into the car and headed across town to pick her up from her family’s house ready to go back to the airport. Kris hummed along to the radio as he drove, trying to concentrate on the road but his mind wandering as it always did.
He’d tried his hardest to block Adam out of his thoughts since the album launch party. So far that day, he was doing a good job. Seeing his family, eating his mom’s home-cooked dinner and all that pumpkin pie certainly helped. But now alone and driving through the same streets he had with Adam that night, his mind kept replaying their heated exchange at the party.
Adam had never been cold with him like that before. It was so unlike him, and it scared Kris.
But Kris couldn’t blame him. He should never have ignored all Adam’s messages in the first place. They should have stuck to being friends all along, as they had agreed to the night the tour ended.
But it was too late for regrets.
As Kris drove on, he realised he was about to go past the infamous AT&T store. Damn. As if he needed yet another reminder of Adam.
‘I’ll drive straight past it,’ he told himself, putting his foot on the gas.
He had to move on once and for all. Forget all about Adam and dedicate himself to Katy. After all, he did love her. Well, maybe not love, like the way he still felt for Adam, but they had a solid relationship and were about to buy a house together.
Living in Arkansas and being an active member of the church, he had always expected to grow up, get married, earn money, buy a house and eventually start a family. That was how life was. That was what was expected of him.
Not to get a divorce then run off with a liberal-minded make-up wearing man from Hollywood. People back home would be horrified and he’d never be able to walk along the street holding hands with Adam without getting taunts and dirty looks.
It was time to go back to reality. Be Kris Allen again, devoted husband and all-round nice guy.
Just as he was approaching the store, the radio started playing the opening to a very familiar song.
‘This is our song,’ Kris sighed, slamming on the breaks and pulling up outside the store.
Kris sat in the stationary car looking out the window at the store where he’d taken Adam on their night of ‘sightseeing’. He looked at the glass window Adam had pressed him against as they’d made out. He could still remember the feel of Adam’s lips on his, the taste of his tongue, the warmth of their bodies pressed together.
Hearing Don’t Stop Believin’ playing on the radio just brought back another flood of memories from the tour, and every time they’d risen onto the stage together to belt out their lines at the end and goofed around dancing together.
Back when they could tell one another anything. Back when they would hug one another and enjoy just being together. Back when they loved each other.
‘I still love him,’ Kris admitted out loud to himself.
He’d denied it so many times in his mind, but he couldn’t deny it any more. The song coming on as he passed the store was a sign.
Adam always talked about signs, fate, destiny. Things happening for a reason. And that was what it felt like. The cheesy lyrics of the song were telling him to hold on to that feeling.
That feeling.
That feeling he’d had that warm July night when they’d stood under the stars together, in a spot where ironically hatred for Adam had helped Kris to his Idol victory, when he and Adam first revealed their feelings for one another.
That feeling of pure bliss, pure ecstasy, pure... love. Kris had never felt anything like it before. It had been the best night of his life.
That feeling he’d had when they’d kissed again a few weeks later when playing Truth or Dare, then not been able to let go of it afterwards, leading to the most amazing time of his life, being on the road together with Adam, snatching secret moments together whenever they could.
The tears began rolling as Kris sat alone in the car, realising what he’d lost. Kris wondered if this was one of those ‘moments’ Adam used to describe to him. An epiphany. One of those sudden realisations when everything becomes clear.
‘I love him,’ Kris repeated to himself, tears dripping down his cheeks. ‘This can’t go on. I can’t hurt Adam any more. I’ve hurt him too many times.’
Wiping his eyes, Kris started the ignition and headed off to pick up Katy, knowing that they both would had a tough day ahead of them and trying to think of the right words he would use to break up with her.
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