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brain drain
I am uncomfortable. It is mid-December and I am sweaty. My window is open but it is probably colder in my room than outside. Every year I keep hoping for a long wet winter but I get shafted. There was nothing sexual in the previous sentence so minds, outta the gutter ( Read more... ) -
mistakes
In life, there is a lot to love and a lot to be enjoyed. I find myself focusing on the problems I have and feeling a sense of hopelessness and remorse. I have felt this way for many years. I figured that with each accomplishment, I would feel even better about myself and about life. Even as I sit here with legal problems looming over my head ( Read more... ) -
29
I fucking hate getting older. I fucking hate how commercial holidays have become. I approached my birthday with the idea that I would not celebrate it. I approached Hannukah that way and I am approaching Christmas and the New Year without hope as well. I expect nothing from anyone. I didn't expect anything from my parents or grandparents. I ( Read more... ) -
standards, lies parents tell you, and the failure of society
Today is an average day. I am at home in the break between having dropped off Oma at the salon and going to pick her up. When I got home a few minutes ago, my father said something to me that struck a huge, throbbing, black and blue exposed nerve. Everyday this truth confronts me. From the way I don't make my bed anymore to the way I don't care ( Read more... ) -
impulsive behavior
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about Billye. Usually, I think of her when I see something on TV I know she likes. When I heard All I Need today (Method Man and Mary J. Blige), I really started going through the rolodex of memories from dating her. I loved her so much. So so so so so so so so so much ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
When I logged onto Facebook today, I was immediately asked if I voted today for a poll. If you step into a booth and close a curtain to do something, it should be considered private. Local politics are the most important in my opinion. People are selecting their county officials and their city officials. The Presidential Election really shouldn ( Read more... ) -
Love
I have been in the mental state of love before. As with Billye, I genuinely loved her and would have moved somewhere women can marry each other. When people ask me about being bi, I try to explain that I get to know and love the person so the looks and gender aren't a big factor. I haven't always known what Madd looks like. I think it was the ( Read more... ) -
in love.
Madd has been visiting me here in Houston for the last week and couple days. As previously mentioned, we decided to hang out after 9 years of talking. He asked me to be his girlfriend in July. He and I have had out communication issues and conflict of reasoning in the past. Somehow, we managed to continue to build a friendship. He and I have ( Read more... ) -
About Madd
I have an entry that is long overdue. I have mentioned Madd before but haven't really used tags until recently. Over the years, we have given each other comments and followed each other's lives. Sometimes we talked more than others. Occasionally, he and I are single at the same time and we get flirtatious. Madd was not exactly single when we ( Read more... ) -
'Believe me, if I started murdering people, there would be none of you left' Charles Manson
I'm sitting in front of my computer trying to calm myself. I am so angry that I am doing breathing exercises just to function. My family does not understand that I have a breaking point and one of several things happen when I am pushed to my breaking point. Usually I start crying because I can feel the angry rage raise up in my heart and mind. ( Read more... )