Catheters double as juice boxes for Alzheimer's patients.

( My conversation with Linksys: A Division Of Cisco Systems, Inc. 'Live Assistence' )

If you ever go back in time only to have people criticize you for your great invention of 'fire', you probably haven't gone back far enough.

http://www.petitiononline.com/bgsgjjag/petition.html

I wonder how much it costs to pay the boatman on the river Styx after a couple thousand years of inflation.

A good gift for a blind person would be a blender, because they don't rely upon sign language.

If priests were to ever start imprinting the stations of the cross on people's foreheads during Ash Wednesday rather than just thumbing out the traditional ashen lines, they would probably use stencils.

Barbers probably tape trimmed hair to their face after closing and act like they have funny mustaches. There are most likely impersonations and accents involved, as well.

If you vote for me in the upcoming 2008 election I will work hard to make words like 'stab' and 'crunch' onomatopoeias.

One way to keep a youthful animal/child from chewing on shoes or ruining furniture while you sleep is to feed it an end dental floss for dinner and hang it from a doorknob after its first bowel movement.