i was looking forward to this so much and now it just... sucks. oh well. thats how it is. i probably shouldn't put hope into events... it will just rain. im being pesemistic. i know. but, seriously, fuck this. i want to go home so i can take care of my stupid responsibilities i don't care about and do work that doesn't matter. fuck everything.

i don't even notice what im doing in my life anymore. i am at school... doing things... what am i doing there? im doing it well. i go to work. i talk to my boss. i close the shop.. i hand people yogurt. what am i doing? none of this feels real at all. i am sick of being so tired that life doesn't feel like life. nothing is real to me. i am stuck in ( Read more... )

it is funny watching movies after going to art school. now i see movies as a creation of something that wasn't there already... an art piece. i can't tell if that ruins things or makes it better. i want to be done with school. i want to be done with work. THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY. nothing i do is ever good enough for them. do they not notice al of the ( Read more... )

ahhhh what a wierd freaking time in my life. good. but i know im gonna be telling stories later. oh, back when i was in art school... blah blah blah. such a wierd place. I LOVE IT. and... i am really glad i didn't force myself to go to drawing today. it wasn't going to happen. and it's ok. i needed this morning. sometimes it is the best choice. and ( Read more... )

i want you boy soooo bad. fuckkkk

ahhh.... i am realizing things that are hard to gulp down. and i don't know where to go from here. i repeat myself, over and over and over. but i don't know what else to do. making new friends is hilarious.

"her voice is like a paino made out of frozen windex"

there's just not that much more to say. my life consists of 2 kinds of days. completely falling apart or holding it together. sometimes both. either way thats not very good odds. i need something im not getting. i don't know what.

ahhhhhhh..... life keeps going but mine isn't moving forward in a progressive way. i go to school and i have a job. i just. dont feel like im moving forward.  i want to be happy again. so bad. im trying really hard but i just can't get there. i hope soon.

ahhh... being back at school again means it is extra extra hard not to run into someone i know. or should talk to. i want to hide at school all teh time. why? who knows. maybe i just don't feel as confident right now. maybe i just wanna make art and i don't want to have to compare it to everyone else just for a little bit. but im going to art ( Read more... )