HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY FUCK ON TOAST. I got a kick in the balls from a certain rinifer telling me I haven't updated this damn thing in 62 weeks. I thought I had a good thing going; it's like the homerun record, but only no one cares about it thus making it awesome because it's not god damn baseball ( Read more... )

Cliche about length of time it's been since last updating. It's been a looooooong time(sarcasm). Cliche about how it's good to be back and it is(more sarcasm, but not quite as extreme). Cliche about how much I missed you all I did. I really, really did. I swear.I learned a few things in my short twenty years on this earth. I know; only a few? ( Read more... )

Romance Is Dead

The Given Circumstances

Characters:       Miles: twenty-year-old college student with unkempt hair and dressed in a pair of cargo pants with a long-sleeve dress shirt covered by a far from pristine sweater.  Fairly weathered pair of tennis shoes, but still completely functional.

Cynicism:  unkempt ( Read more... )

There are those out there, mainly megalomaniac right-winged Christians, under the false presumption A.I.D.S is a disease only affecting the homosexual community even though it is currently more prevelant among heterosexuals such as the epidemic levels in Africa and China with experts predicting 25 million deaths in each country by 2010, but the ( Read more... )

I've been hit on by gay guys and hardcore Christian girls, while flattering, I have to group then in the same category of not going to happen. Either way I could never stand the other guy in the relationship.

I believe the preeminence of spiraling has always been that of the downward variety ( Read more... )

Pope Benedict XVI. He chooses a name that is synonymous with traitor at least to American Catholics; they should know better as the proud patriots they are keeping those illegal aliens from crossing our border and making sure women stay in the kitchen barefoot ( Read more... )

I never quite understood why the Trojan condom company chose the name they went with. I mean were talking about a group of people, at least in popular myth, that were defeated by a big piece of wood. They open their gates naively to a peace offering in the form of a giant wooden horse and after the intense celebration they go to sleep at night ( Read more... )

Storytime ladies and gents.  I was writing another story for my creative writing class and it just wasn't coming together the way I hoped, so I went back and touched up and finished this, which is something I started a long, while back.  But now it has some character and depth to it.  Don't judge it too harshly;  I mean it is called "Misanthropy" ( Read more... )

Do you think they could send chlamydia through the mail?

Like "ding dong."

"Hmmmm, what's this?"

"CLAP, BITCH"

"Ahhhh! Now it stings when I pee!"