I'm not writing yet. I have a headache and I want to go to bed. There's tomorrow. But can I just say how great he is?  He's great. So far that hasn't stopped for a second.

I'm so happy.

I remember it in an almost historical way, the way one recalls a distant tragedy and does not remember being a part of it. And the questions remain long after the emotion has been snuffed-- what does it mean? what have I learned? was it somehow only a game to me, an ultimately meaningless  and arbitrary battle against elusiveness, just because I ( Read more... )

It's quiet. For a second I hear his voice fading in and out behind my thoughts, but then it stops. I don't hear voices, and I don't hear the tinkling of keys in my head. Everything is still--my pulse does not race at the thought of him. I just lay, my body and mind relaxed, and note that my own bed now feels unfamiliar to me ( Read more... )

I know too many people who simply aren't happy. I just can't imagine. I mean, I can--I've been there, a long time ago. But now it just seems like such a far stretch from what I'm used to.  I can't imagine how I would handle it.

I feel bad. I somehow feel responsible--or guilty, at the very least--, for the misery of the people around me. How dare I ( Read more... )

Car essentially blew up
Staying with R for the week
and then with V for vacation
so I can learn how to drive a stick.

It kind of ruins my plans for vacation, and there's that whole problem of not being able to get to school, work, doctor's, etc. But the timing isn't that bad.

And I am once again reminded of the roles people play in my life. I feel sort ( Read more... )

Sometimes after it rains, I pretend that the drops of water drizzling down my windshield are my servile prisoners, trying to get away. I wait until the more agile renegades come close to the bottom and almost to safety and then BAM!, along comes my wiper to sweep through and destroy them forever. Sometimes I let a lingering drop on the side make it ( Read more... )

Infatuation is nothing but norepinephrine in the brain. Love is merely dopamine. These effects do not last--they cannot last. The perpetuation of these chemicals would, evolutionally speaking, somehow cause the extinction of our species. So science tells us to ignore our despondency when our loved ones no longer interest us, because that's all ( Read more... )

This is by far the best part. I don't really know what's going on--and that's great. I need excitement and mystery. I need to be wanting something. And I think I am. 

I don't think I would believe everything a drunk person tells me. Because while alcohol does not make a person dishonest, it may give him false desires.

I've never said anything while drunk that I didn't truly mean. I always tell people to believe me, and they seem to. Maybe they're humoring me.