Work Out. Masturbate. Sleep. Work. Work out. Think of getting fast food but not. Sleep. Work Out. Masturbate. Sleep. Work. Work out. Think of getting fast food but not. Sleep. Work Out. Masturbate. Sleep. Work. Work out. Think of getting fast food but not. Sleep. It's the same everyday, and I feel less of more, and more of less ( Read more... )

I have turned into what I hate, a manipulator. I realize lately, that I stir shit up between people just to watch it unfold. I make people hate each other because I take what they say, exaggerate it, and tell it to the other person. Good god I hate this about myself. this is horrible. But yet I still continue. i really am a rotten bastard.

Today was one of the worst days I have had in a long time. Since my birthday, I have been depressed, and steadily everyday it has gotten worse. But today, I felt as though I had some sort of emotional breakdown. Everything just crumbled. Suddenly, even though I haven't felt social phobia for many years, I suddenly got real bad social phobia out ( Read more... )

I've just been depressd lately. I don't really know why either. Perhaps it has something to do with being 28, I don't know. I do feel old, well, not so much old, but I feel like life is passing me by and if I don't act soon I will have more regrets. But I don't think that's it. I just have a vague depression that came over me since thursday. ( Read more... )

When I got my CD's, I was really excited for a while, but then I got depressed. I realized again how much I miss gabe and sarah and xris, and sometimes even rachel. I miss my fun times with gabe. This realization came about because I realized, i had nobody to share my excitement with. And then I started thinking about my friends at my job, and ( Read more... )

My cd's came in today, all 1000 of them. They look fucking awesome, and now I can start trying to sell them. They have barcodes and everything, even the parental advisory sticker. Of course, I'll be sending some to all my friends. It feels good to have my own real album.

Well, Ashley is completely fogotten about. I realize now that my feelings for her weren't attraction, but empathy. Anyway, I had a date friday with Shaunelle, she was a hot redhead but there seemed to be no connection. But I asked her out again and we will go out on another date, if only to see if there can be a connection next time. And then ( Read more... )

I went to the graveyard thing with that girl, and she cried alot, it was sad. I am getting feelings for her, but now I get the feeling she is distancing herself from me. Goddamn it then, fuck her. It just hurts to get feelings and then be crushed. She hasn't said anything, she keeps saying there's no rush, and wait and all this, but I get the ( Read more... )

I had a date set up with the most beutiful girl I had seen so far in utah, and today she tells me her friend died in a car accident last night. I spent all morning trying to comfort her. There's nothing I can do really, death is horrible, and if there was a god, I'd hate him. Death is horrible. How can a person be one one day, and completely ( Read more... )

Nobody replies in my fucking journal anymore.