Something has to change. Me, my reality, or the way I perceive it. Something must change or I do not know how much longer I will be able to function. I am tortured by my past and can see no livable future. Just a dead end reality where I never again make enough to live on.

I go on for the sake of people who care--for those who would be damaged by ( Read more... )

I'm in mourning. My favorite place in the world is burning--Oak Creek Canyon, north of Sedona. About a thousand acres have already been charred and the fire is not at all contained.

I have visited the canyon many times over the years and feel deeply connected to it. I want to have my ashes scattered there when I die. I hope the damage will not ( Read more... )

I keep thinking of things I could write here, and then I don't actually write them. It's as though I've grown tired of my words, tired of my own thoughts. Committing them to words and typing them out to be read feels...I don't know really. Too much effort, I guess.

But a lot of things feel like too much effort these days. It doesn't help that most ( Read more... )

Also, to those of you who expressed interest in my photos, I have two Flickr accounts, one at celebrian_3, and another at mnemonicdreams. I don't know if I can link to those galleries directly here, and haven't time at the moment to experiment, but a Google search seems to locate them effectively.

Since I posted the last entry of my saga, things have been moving fairly quickly. yonica contacted me about her house remodeling project. The contractor's draftsperson was unable to put together the necessary drawings within the desired time frame of 1-2 weeks, and she asked me if I would be willing to take the project ( Read more... )

I’ve been having a difficult time with the last installment of my chronicle, for the reason that this part of the story is ongoing, and I do not have emotional distance from it yet. I’m still processing, and lack the detachment to filter. Everything feels pressing-thoughts and feelings are entangled with physical and financial difficulties and ( Read more... )

Holiday Madness, Round Two?That’s when I got the call from Corestaff. When I was dismissed at the end of the season, I was informed that I should maintain contact with Corestaff weekly by email if I wished to be referred to other job opportunities. Diligently I sent my weekly email to Corestaff, occasionally checking their website for positions, ( Read more... )

A Job in Food ServiceWhen I was dismissed from Tiny Prints, I knew I would not have long before my resources would dry up again. The hefty overtime checks I received from that three-week marathon would only go so far. I applied for Nutrition Assistance again. Knowing that I would probably not be able to find another office-type job paying at ( Read more... )

Tiny PrintsI was still putting out the occasional job application, spreading my net wider than architecture, but was receiving no replies. In August of 2012, I came across a job position for a Production Designer from an agency called Corestaff. The position required skills in Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop, proofreading, and photo-editing, as ( Read more... )

When I commenced this piece, it was with the intention of telling at least part of the story of what I have been doing over the last few years since I disappeared from this forum. Despite my attempts to state things in the plainest terms, and with minimal detail, my story grew in the telling, and became an article of over 7,000 words. For that ( Read more... )