i am sad today. Well, lets be honest. i've been sad for months. i am trying to work myself out of it but i can't. i just can't any more. i can drink to forget and that works for a moment. i can let someone beat me until i have bruises the size of a baseball. i can ignore and procrastinate and pretend everything is OK and hide behind whatever farce ( Read more... )

i held the tears in until i made it home early from work. i made it though. No tears spilled while i was there. It was hard in lunch, when i was alone and eating by myself. Not my norm and it gave me time to let my brain wander and the they almost started. But, i held them back. I HATE TO CRY AT WORK ( Read more... )

So my Mom decided she wanted to read the "email". You know the one i am talking about. ( Read more... )

i knew it was coming. It wasn't a matter of if....but a matter of when. Some of you may know it well....The Crash. Where all your bravado and stregth sinks away, into oblivion. Into nothingness. Into self pity and self doubt ( Read more... )

i am in a wierd place today. A bad mood, kinda. Not angry but....unsettled. i was talking to a friend the other night and she talked about not being able to shut her brain off. Not being able to stop flashes and memories. i totally understand where she was coming from. i used to be that way everyday. It has gotten better but today it is back. My ( Read more... )

Recently i have been delving in to my inner self in this search or should i say quest for dealing with the abuse i have survived ( Read more... )

OK. This is going to be a long, more than likely a depressing post so i am doing a cut so pass on by if you want.

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It was a day like any other day. Not bad but not good. Typical for me lately ( Read more... )

So back from the session ( Read more... )

i havent journalled in a while. Why? Not sure. i think i am just getting used to having to talk to someone about me and that is hard enough. i have met with my therapist R. She seems nice. Shes a positive person. We will see. We have had several sessions. i admit i havent made it through one without crying. My doc put me on meds. Zoloft and Ambien ( Read more... )