so here's the skinny: i want to tell rob that i love him. lately, i feel like i have word vomit. there are times when we are talking, and all of a sudden there will be this opportunity to tell him, and then-poof. there it goes ( Read more... )

holy panic attacks.
i think 2 in the past 2 days is a bit much for me.
i am not used to this new sensation.
not one bit.

people make me sick.

and i wish that rob would grow a set and be a man - my man - instead of acting like some guy that i screw.

i feel anxious. and restless ( Read more... )

i over analyze everything. i really need to slow down and smell the roses.

my biopsy came back clear. thank god.

i cant lie. i need to vent. the stress that i have been creating for myself is becoming too heavy of a cross to bear. i am trying so hard to make things better. i am trying hard to forget rob. i am trying to make the best out of work, even though im hardly making enough to survive. i am trying to not get upset about stupid little things around the ( Read more... )

ugh. i miss rob. i dont want to anymore.

i am sure that my having such a hard time with this break up has something to do with the following:
-i am terrified of being alone
-i am being ignored
-i want what i cant have.
-everyone around me is happy - which makes me happy for them but depressed at the same time.
-i feel stuck in a life that i didnt want.

rob came over to talk about the whole situation tonight. i thought of a million things to say, but when push came to shove, all i could really do was sit and cry. i have never taken rejection well. he really wants me to hate him. i think it would make things easier for him if i did, but i dont. i want to. but i dont. i kept wanting to reach over ( Read more... )