An Unbearable Fact: 8/??
Title: An Unbearable Fact
Chapters: 8/??
Author:
darkwonderland3
Genre: AU/Romance/ Psychological/Angst
Warnings: Language, sexual scenes, mental diseases, violence, character death, suicide attempts, rape.
Rating: NC17
Pairings/Characters: Uruha/Aoi, Reita/Kai
Synopsis: When you lose the only person who loves you from the deepest of her heart, can you go on living? Do you manage to smile again? Can you fight against those demons who break you?
Previous chapters: Prologue, 1/??, 2/??, 3/??, 4/??, 5/??, 6/??, 7/??
“Stay here Taka, I have something to do.”
They'd talked together for a short time about Yuu and his father, and on the fact that they both agreed he wasn't a man you could trust. He appeared to be cold and contemptuous, it was really odd for Kouyou to have such a bad impression of that man who was supposed to be a father. He was supposed to appear protective and trustworthy, supposed to have been smiling at them the same way you do when you meet someone for the first time. But that man was nothing of that. For both Kouyou and Takanori he looked like a monster, the same kind of monster that lurked in the darkness and waited for children to be asleep to torment them. The same kind that always left deep marks on their body.
Kouyou walked out of the common room and rushed right away to the first floor. He was tempted to stay in front of the door of the room where Yuu was locked in and maybe hear something, whatever it could be. He only wanted to know if the boy was doing well or not. But what he'd intended to do involved the other end of the corridor. He knocked a few time on the door, hoping she was still there, then stepped in the infirmary when he heard the nurse's voice give him the permission. But Kouyou hadn't expected her to be with someone, and in that case another nurse.
“I'm sorry if I come at the wrong time, but I need to talk to you. In private if it's possible.”
“Is everything alright Kouyou?”
“Please, I need to talk to your colleague. It's important.”
“It's ok, you can leave.” She said to the other nurse, smiling at her.
“Alright... But I leave the door open!”
“I'm... not going to assault you or... whatever she could be thinking.” Kouyou said when she'd left the infirmary.
“I know. You're Yuu's roommate, right?”
“I am. It's about him I want to talk.”
“Go on,” The woman gestured him politely to take a seat in front of the desk. “What happened?”
“I don't know! I mean... you know maybe that he's been placed in solitary confinement some days ago and... he was with you and... and I just want to know what urged him to hurt himself!”
“All I can say to you is that I gave him some medicines and he left right after.”
“Did he tell you something?”
“Doctor-patient confidentiality. I'm sorry.”
“Oh... It's just that I'm... I'm concerned about his well-being since...”
“Since what Kouyou? You can tell me.”
Could he really? Could he really share with her all his questions and impressions? Would she take him seriously? “Since the first time Yuu's father came here.” He didn't know what impacts would this insinuation have, but he was ready for the consequences. “I know I'm not in a good position to judge him, but I just have a nasty feeling about that man.”
The nurse remained silent for some minutes as if she was thinking about something, something important, something that would explain what she'd seen on the boy. “What do you mean by that? Is there something else you want to tell me?”
“I think horrible things happened to Yuu before... Involving his father.”
“You're aware that these are heavy charges and we can do nothing without proof.”
“I know...”
“I've heard you're pretty close to him. Did you notice something or did he tell you something that could confirm your suspicions?”
Kouyou told him about every time he'd heard the boy begging him, telling him he was sorry even though Kouyou was sure that he wasn't apologizing to him. He told him about some words he'd heard Yuu saying, words like I'll obey I swear, not this time or don't touch me. And of course he didn't forget to mention the thing and how scared the raven was since his father's first arrival. It was just assumptions, but Kouyou hoped she would do something.
“I'll see what I can do, but we will have to talk to him and his father too. Can I ask you to not worry too much and concentrate on your own recovery?”
“I'll try.”
“Thank you, you can leave now.” She told him with the same smile she always had on her lips.
In the corridor, the chestnut-haired had to go past Yuu's room to get back in their own, and it was at that moment that his father got out of it. He was slightly taller than him, with short dark hair and broad shoulders. Kouyou could see a little bit of Yuu's features on this man. They had the same jaw, the same nose maybe too, but that was all. They faced each other for a few seconds, Kouyou watching the man with furrowed eyebrows and him with that same sly smile as earlier. Yuu's father was looking at him from head to toe, making him slightly feel uncomfortable, as if he was trying to check something.
He then started to laugh softly before taking a few steps towards Kouyou. “That's a nice hickey you gave to my son. What's your name again?”
“I don't think my name is so important to you.”
“All right mister I-fear-no-one, the next time I come here it would be better for you that I don't see any other love bites on my son's body. Am I clear?”
“At least, I am not hurting him... If you catch my drift.”
“I have no idea what you're talking about. Listen you little...”
“Is there a problem mister Shiroyama?” A nurse asked as he was coming closer to them.
“No, everything's fine. Isn't it, Kouyou?” He knew his name, but what was on Kouyou's mind was in which circumstances he got it. If his suspicions about the man were right, he'd maybe had to use the strong way. The more he was looking at the man, the more if was worried about Yuu right now.
“Yeah. I was about to go back to my bedroom when I saw Yuu's father. I only wanted to be polite and say 'hello'.”
“That's nice of you, go back to your room now. Mister Shiroyama, can I accompany you to the exit?”
“With pleasure.”
They didn't break eye contact for a few seconds and then Kouyou watched him leave with eyes full of anger. He couldn't trust that man, couldn't believe he'd been acting as if he knew nothing. Pretending to be a caring and loving father whereas Kouyou knew he wasn't a single thing of that. He was maybe able to trick the caregivers, but not him. The chestnut-haired wasn't blind and after this encounter, he knew he'd done horrible things to his son.
Kouyou didn't go back to his bedroom right away, as the nurse told him. Instead, he stayed before the door and put his forehead against it.
“Yuu can you hear me? Are you alright?” He listened carefully in hopes of hearing the boy's voice. But all he could hear were sobs. “I... I'm sorry for last night, I didn't want to hurt you. That was not my intention at all, you have to believe me! I'm just... so scared I might lose you because of what I did... Please don't be afraid of me.” Kouyou made a short break, checking if no nurses were coming here, and sighed deeply before speaking again. “I'm coming back tonight so don't worry. And... I can't leave you alone. Wait for me.”
It's unwillingly that the man left the door without even hearing Yuu beg him to help him. Without even hearing his broken voice.
* * *
Kouyou had been gone for a long moment when Yuu opened his eyes again. He'd hoped his crying would tire him enough to sleep, but no. He hadn't been able to sleep, even for a few minutes because when he closed his eyes, his mind would remind him his hands touching him roughly and his lips kissing him. Those pictures in his mind were still following him and torturing him. All he wanted at this exact moment was to be in Kouyou's arms and hear his soothing words whispered in his ears. The teenager knew he didn't intend to hurt him last night, he knew it but he was scared. So scared the chestnut-haired might snap again, so scared he would yell at him if he told him his fears, so scared he might hit him.
A knock on the door brought him back to reality and he sincerely hoped it was Kouyou who came back, and not another nurse who would tell him someone's going to see him. But his hopes vanished as soon as he saw a white meal tray in the nurse hand.
“It's lunchtime Yuu, I hope you're hungry!” The man said, putting his meal next to him and Yuu slowly sat when the nurse removed the straps from his wrists and ankles. “It'll be easier like that right?”
“I'm not hungry,” He answered as he pushed the tray away. “You can take it back...”
“Yuu you have to eat, and take your medication too. I won't leave that room until you've eaten.”
The teenager looked at him with a pained expression on his face then swallowed the two pills with some difficulties. It was harder for him to eat now even if it was only few bites, but he forced himself. He could already feel nauseous, feel a lump in his throat and cold shivers running down his spine.
“Your psychologist is coming this afternoon. Apparently, she and another nurse want to talk to you.”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Except hurting yourself? No.” He stayed with the boy a little more then left the room without tying him up again, telling him it was no use now.
Once again Yuu was left alone with his thoughts. He was wondering why his psychologist was coming and what was the thing they wanted to talk with him about, even if he already had an idea. It's been a little while since he had seen her, and he wasn't going to change his good habits, but who knows, maybe today was the day things were going to change. The raven-haired weakly stood up with his pillow in his arms and sat in a corner of the room, waiting for them to come.
She still had that kindness in her eyes, the same smile as he remembered on her lips, and that aura Yuu really liked. She was looking just like the last time he'd seen her.
“Long time no see Yuu.” She said while sitting on the bed in front of the boy.
“Yes...”
“How do you feel?”
“Weak and... exhausted.”
“And what about your nightmares, do you still have them?”
“Only when I'm alone...”
She smiled at him again before telling to the nurse to sit down next to her. “Yuu, I was called by the hospital because you might be hiding something really important from us.”
“I... I'm not hiding anything!”
“Yuu do you remember me?” The other woman asked him with a calm voice. “I'm the nurse who took care of you few days ago.”
The raven-haired looked away as he remembered their conversation. If it was about that they wanted to talk, Yuu had already told her the reason of his scars. She didn't have to know it was a lie.
“Well, one of your roommates feels worried for you and he told me things this morning. Things that made me think.” Yuu could feel his stomach ache because of the fear and stress. “Are you sure you told me the truth about the scars on your back?”
“I did! I did tell you that I had an accident when I was a kid!”
“But you'd never told me about any accident,” His psychologist continued calmly, none of both women wanted to scare him. “Yuu told us what really happened.”
“It is the truth!” Yuu could feel his eyes filled with tears. He was in two minds here, it was either he told them the truth and they would believe him, or he would keep it secret because the boy was too afraid no one would believe that fact. Even though the nurse was telling him she had more or less some proofs. He was still uncertain of what he had to do. “Why won't you believe me?”
“Has your father ever had gestures of a sexual nature towards you?”
“No... No... It never happened...” He told them while crying and hiding his face in the pillow. “Leave me alone now, I don't want to answer any more questions...”
The women tried to talk to him more, but it was no use. Yuu refused to say another word to them. They then left the room and the boy who started to cry all the tears he had.
“So, what do you think about it?” The nurse asked Yuu's psychologist as they were speaking to each other in the corridor.
“He's covering up someone, and he's scared. And those scars?”
“Some seemed to have been done recently. In my opinion those are signs of abuse.”
“Hum... That would explain a lot I've already noticed before his hospitalisation.”
“What do you suggest?”
“We need to hear his father's side of the story.”
* * *
When Kouyou got into the room that night, he was surprised to hear Yuu call his name. He sounded so broken, so desperate that it upset him. The chestnut-haired didn't know what to do more for him. He didn't know if his presence was enough for Yuu, if his soothing words had really an effect on him. He had no idea. Kouyou walked to Yuu's bed but stopped midway when he noticed the boy wasn't in his bed, but sitting on the floor against it. He crouched beside him and when Yuu felt an arm around his shoulders, he immediately snuggled against his chest and cried more. Kouyou hugged him tightly and breathed in his scent.
“Were you having a nightmare?”
“No... It's not that...”
“Then what is it?”
“Nothing important...”
“It had to be important enough to make you cry. Tell me.”
“Don't be like them... Please stop asking me questions...”
“Alright,” Kouyou sighed as he kissed the top of his head. “I'm sorry. And I'm sorry again, for what I did to you...”
They stayed silent for some minutes during which the chestnut-haired man sat on the bed with Yuu on his lap and his arms around his frail body. The teenager had closed his eyes when he'd felt fingers gently run through his hair and lips on his forehead. He could have fall asleep just like that and right now, but he remembered something. Something that had put in his mind a few questions.
“Kouyou...”
“Hmm?”
“Are you really scared that you... might lose me?” Yuu asked feeling again a lump in his throat. He couldn't tell if Kouyou had been serious this morning or not. He couldn't tell if he was lying or not, playing with him or not.
“Of course I am, don't doubt what I'm telling you.” The man hugged him more and this made the teenager laugh with a tint of sadness.
“I'm trying... It's not easy.”
“I've met your father today,” Kouyou said out of the blue. Did Yuu understand correctly? He met his father? “And I know he did something to you. Something bad, something you won't tell anyone.”
“He did nothing to me.”
“Yuu...”
“My dad did nothing to me! How many times am I going to have to say the same thing?!” His words contradicted with his gestures. The boy was saying that his father did nothing, but the way he was clinging on Kouyou and the fact that he could hear this huge sadness in his voice as he was speaking made the man doubt even more if he was telling the truth. “My father raised me... He didn't do anything to me...”
“Yuu, why won't you just tell us the truth?”
“Because I'm already doing it! Stop it now... or leave.”
But in fact Yuu didn't want him to leave. He wanted that Kouyou keep hugging him and kissing him because when it was with the chestnut-haired, Yuu was feeling so reassured and protected. He was feeling things he'd never felt before, things that were completely new to him, unknown things that were scaring him. But it was alright as long as Kouyou was with him, wasn't it?
In the dark, Yuu put shyly a hand on one of Kouyou's cheek feeling him smile as he was doing so. The boy was shaking like a leaf as he was looking for the man's lips - and inside him he thanked the dimly lit room because he could feel his cheeks burn - then tenderly kissed the corner of his mouth like it was the first time.
* * *
Few days quickly went by when Yuu's father came back to the hospital. Kouyou had seen him again in the corridor near Yuu's room and he was wondering why the man was lead to the infirmary. Did they finally discover everything?, he thought. Kouyou was sure he had something to do with Yuu's mental state, but most of all he had no doubt the teenager had been physically abused by his own father. That would explain a lot and maybe even everything concerning him.
As soon as Yuu's father got in the infirmary, a nurse went out of it and immediately rushed to Yuu's room. The male nurse stayed with the teenager for a few minutes and when the door opened again, Kouyou could see Yuu watch him with pleading eyes. Eyes that were screaming Help me!. He would have loved to do something for the boy, but the nurse interrupted him before he could make any moves.
“What are you still doing here Kouyou? It's lunchtime.”
“I just wanted to know when Yuu would be back with us.”
“Today, but I have first to take him to the infirmary.”
“And why?”
“That's none of your concern. Now go to the canteen.”
“But...”
“Obey!”
But Kouyou didn't obey right away. He looked at the nurse taking Yuu away from him and at the boy who was still pleading him with those teary eyes. And before they got in the infirmary Kouyou could lip-read Yuu's inaudible pleases. Once again he was with his father. Once again he was pleading. Once again he would be crying. Kouyou could already imagine his screams and his body shaking like a leaf. But at the moment, there was nothing he could do but wait.
At the canteen, Kouyou went to sit alone at that table in the back of the room near the table restricted to the anorexics patients. Of course he wasn't the only one to sit alone at a table, no, some other patients had been isolated like that too. None of them weren't really dangerous for the others, but the nursing staff had decided to isolate them during lunch. Kouyou saw his roommates sitting not far away from him and Akira sending him a questioning look that he just shrug off. What could he tell him more than what he already had this morning? The only new thing was that Yuu was coming back today.
And the boy soon came in the canteen. With a nurse by his side that was helping him walk, he was looking even more fragile and breakable like that. And it was only now that Kouyou noticed the bags under his eyes and his hollow cheeks. He looked so weak, so destroyed, so... dead that the man had only one wish at this moment, and it was to take him in his arms and whisper that he would make things better for him. He would do everything in his power to just make him truly happy. But the only thing he could do right now was to look at Yuu's back while the nurses were giving them their plate one by one.
As expected, Yuu wasn't touching at his meal. He was looking at the food in his plate, slightly rocking his head from side to side while whispering the Twinkle twinkle little star lullaby. Yuu could hear the blond in front of him asking him to eat even if it was only one mouthful, and he knew that Akira wasn't doing this to hurt him. The man just didn't want to see another nurse pressure him to eat. But Yuu didn't listen to Akira and instead stood up while taking his plate in his hands. His dark eyes darted around the room looking for Kouyou and as soon as he saw him, he walked to his table.
“Yuu, go back to your table. Go back to Akira.” Even if Kouyou was so happy to see him in front of him, Yuu shouldn't be standing like that. Because he wasn't doing any good to them he had to be isolated, like they always said.
“Don't want...”
“Yuu please, listen to me.”
“No...” And he sat down in front of the man with that sad expression he had on his face since he came in the canteen.
The nurses who were here in the canteen started to be on guard. Kouyou could snap again, no matter what kind of relationship they were having. And in this case, he couldn't tell the difference between what was true and what was happening in his head. Kouyou lashing out at Yuu was a possibility they couldn't ignore. They were now ready to intervene if Kouyou would say or do something against the teenager.
“You should eat a little, you know they'll force you otherwise.”
“You would never hurt me, right?”
“Why this question now? Of course I never would! Why are you thinking I'd hurt you?”
“I can stay with you then so... Don't worry about me.”
Kouyou sighed and took one of his hands. “Yuu look at me, what happened in the infirmary?”
“Don't worry about me...”
No nurses had to intervene during lunchtime that day and no one had to force the teenager to eat.
* * *
Yuu was laying on his bed with his pillow in his arms when Kouyou came back to their bedroom in the late afternoon, and as the man walked to the bed he noticed that Yuu had fallen asleep. He was looking so peaceful like that that it made Kouyou smile. Yuu needed to sleep, he needed to get some minutes of respite and with Kouyou beside him, he was sure to get them. Kouyou carefully sat next to the boy and started to stroke his strands of hair, not wanting to wake him up. He was looking at him with something alike to love in his eyes and a smile on his lips, and Akira - who was sitting on his own bed - saw all of this. He had nothing against their relationship now, as long as Kouyou promised him to be careful. He was in fact glad for them. Glad he could see Kouyou smile again, glad Yuu had someone to rely on and someone who was supporting him. Like that, the time they were spending here was less difficult. But that was what he thought. Akira wasn't aware of what was happening to the raven.
Yuu slowly opened his eyes when he felt someone kissing his temple and a hand on his hip. He couldn't remember to have fallen asleep and wondered since how long he'd been sleeping. It felt to him like hours, but in fact it was just a few minutes. The teenager stretched a little, feeling his spine crack, and accidentally laid a hand on Kouyou's thigh when he try to sit correctly.
“Oh... Sorry,” He said while snuggling against Kouyou, his body between the man's leg. Yuu was still tired and thank to this tiredness, his shyness had been put aside. In no other way the boy would have been so cuddly with someone. “Where are everyone else?”
“I'm still here Yuu,” Akira answered with a laugh. “Well, Takanori's outside in the garden and Yutaka had to go to that group therapy session. I think he wanted to go with you but was hesitant to ask you.”
“I'm not going...”
“No one is forcing you to go,” Kouyou reassured him. “Anyway, I brought you what you'd asked.” He then gave him some sheets of paper and pencils. “You wanted to draw, remember? The nurse gave me that notebook too, she said it'll be easier for you. Just put the paper on it.”
But Yuu didn't draw and instead put the pencil back in his hand. “Draw.”
“Me?”
“No the wall... Of course you, dummy!”
“Shut your mouth Aki!” The two men laugh a little with each other before Kouyou draw his attention back to Yuu. “Alright I'll try.”
Kouyou wasn't as good as Yuu in drawing, but tried to do something anyway. He wanted to please him so that's why he draw on this piece of paper while holding the boy close to him with his free hand. It didn't take too long for the man to finish the drawing. A duckling. That was all Kouyou was able to draw. He gave the pencil back to Yuu and watched him draw as he hugged him tighter.
Yuu was focused on what he was doing. He was so focused he didn't even feel Kouyou's lips on his neck and shoulder. When he was drawing it was like everything around him wasn't real. The boy was in his own universe, his little bubble, far away from his concerns. Nothing else mattered when he was drawing.
Yuu looked at Kouyou as soon as he was finished with it, his cheeks slightly tinted in pink.
“That's cute,” He said as he was looking at the paper. Yuu drew a kitten which was playing with a wool ball whereas Kouyou's duckling was snuggled against the other animal. In a way it reminded him of them and how Yuu had been looking for Kouyou's hugs a little more lately. “That's really cute. As cute as you.” He whispered his last words in his ear, making the teenager blush even more, before kissing his cheek.
It was at that moment that a deep throat clearing interrupted the chestnut-haired in his attempt to kiss Yuu more. Kouyou could feel his blood boil when he saw who was standing in front of them.
“Kouyou, can you let Yuu go now? He has to come with us, we need to finish what we've begun this morning at the infirmary, do you remember Yuu?”
“He's not going anywhere. At least not with him.”
“It's alright Kouyou... I'm coming...” Yuu said putting the man's arms away from his shaking body.
Kouyou had no other choice but to let the boy leave with the nurse and his father. Once again he couldn't do a single thing to prevent the boy to be hurt. Once again he was feeling so useless, so upset, so angry at that man and at himself. He should have done something, but what could he do when they were locked in that hospital? He had no authority, no right over the boy. He could do nothing for him but only reassure him and make him promises he wasn't sure anymore he could keep when Yuu was coming back crying.
“So, that was his father?”
“Yeah.” He answered gritting his teeth.
“He looks like the kind of man you don't want to get in trouble with.”
“You have no idea what he did to Yuu.”
“And you? Are you sure of what you're saying?”
“It popped into my mind some times ago and the more time I spend with Yuu, the more I'm sure of it. I'm sure he abused his own son Aki.”
“But... That can't be possible I mean... He's his father!”
“A rapist doesn't care if you have a family relationship or not.”
After that Akira didn't know what to say. If Kouyou was right, what was he doing here? Did the hospital not know about that fact? And Yuu, why was he acting like nothing happened? To think about it was giving the blond a headache. If Kouyou was right, how could a whole hospital be so blind? But now, he was understanding Kouyou's anger more. If something like that would happened to Yutaka, he would go find the bastard and kill him with bare hands.
Fifteen minutes went by, maybe even thirty - during which Akira had to beg Kouyou to stay calm - when Yuu came back in the room with tears running down his cheeks. It didn't took long for the chestnut-haired to stand up and catch the boy as he was rushing towards him. Kouyou could feel the teenager clinging to him as if he was a life-belt, hear his broken voice as he was crying and feel his tears falling against his skin. At that time, he hugged him like he has never hugged him before and it's when Akira came to their side that he asked him the same question as always.
“What did he do to you? Yuu tell me!”
But Yuu didn't answer. He hadn't the strength to say a single thing. Kouyou didn't wait any longer and left the room after being sure Akira would take care of the teenager. In the corridor, he looked for Yuu's father on the first floor hoping he was still here. And Kouyou saw him. The man was near the stairs and he was about to walk down them when the chestnut-haired called out to him while he was getting closer and closer to the other man.
No one expected the chestnut-haired to punch Yuu's father. No one. Not even Kouyou himself.
~~~~~~
A/N: It's here!! The revelation is here (well kind of revelation), now you can hate me/throw rocks at me/etc. Don't worry it's hurting me as well to make Yuu suffer ;-;
I was kinda fast for this chapter, I'm proud of myself. Tell me what you thought and see you soon I hope!! <3
Next: 9/??