Dined out with Perce this evening. Caught my reflection in the back of his fork and realised once again how really, really ridiculously good-looking I am. Perhaps should have made career from that instead of poxy poetry ( Read more... )

Get off my lawn, you crazy kids! You're crushing the daffodils! Not epic at all. Just as I was in the middle of another book about me, too. You've upset my epic equilibrium and I wrote a whole three lines about someone else! Can't be having that. Who would read it ( Read more... )

Gluten free? What the hell is gluten?

"And yes, haslets really are as dark as that! That's because it's all well-cooked meat and also it doesn't have pink dye added."

WHAT THE FUCK? FUCKING STUPID MORONS. HATE!

"You can have a haslet with a vein by request, and also available is haslet-dripping, which is pure FAT with essence of roasted haslets ( Read more... )

It is a good day to release the flying monkeys ( Read more... )

Fanny still to discover ‘elephant’ not a term of endearment. Keep her around to look chubbier than self in photographs. Casual sex a bonus.
Morris still big hairy wazzock. Made bunny ears behind him today and Janey nearly cracked an expression.
She totally wants me.

Must remind B to stop doing that to Fletcher. HE DOESN'T LIKE IT, GEORGE.

Still can't swim. Woe.

My eyebrows are epic.
My nose is epically Roman.
My entire face is epic.

Saw a fat woman crying today. Funniest fucking thing EVER! Hahaha...

I mean, um. Yeah, it was totally tragic. Felt really bad for her. Honest.

ha ha ha ha!

p.s. horny

Don't you tell Henry ( Read more... )