The Justice League List of Things That Aren't Allowed (second generation)
This came about because of encouragement and comments from clayin and timemonkey.
During the course of the comments, I mentioned that the list of "Things Beetle And Booster Are Not Allowed To Do" was eventually retired in the Mullet-verse. There was a party, much alcohol, stories of how some things got on the list (though others were very carefully not spoken of, ever), recreations of a few of the list numbers, and a passing of the torch (whether literally or figuratively remains uncertain) to the next generation with much solemnity.
The next day, (Tim!)Batman was forced to start a new list, for reasons he remains pointedly vague on to this day.
So of course I was encouraged to share this list. (Of course.) And in doing so, I also came up with the idea to offer to write at least a hundred (100) words on any number requested. So I hereby make the offer, and now I present...
The Justice League List of Things That Aren't Allowed (this means YOU)
1. If you don't know what it is/does, don't touch the goo.
2. Corrupting the minds of sidekicks is not going to make you very popular among the heroes they work with.
3. Anything with "personal lubricant" written on it is not allowed in the Watchtower without express, written permission.
3.a. Not written permission from Blue Beetle.
3.b. Not written permission from Gold Star.
3.c. No, they really don't have the authority to give permission, no matter how sincere they seem.
4. The transporters are tools, not toys. Please keep this in mind.
4.a. The following items are no longer allowed in the transporters without express, written permission: bananas, whipped cream, marbles, alarm clocks, colored dye upwards of a gallon, kittens, minor demons disguised as kittens, "herbs," anything that Blue Beetle or Gold Star assure you is perfectly within the rules, YOUR MOTHER
4.b. Blue Beetle and Gold Star are hereby banned from adding to the list.
4.c. STICK IT IN YOUR POINTY EAR!
5. It is rude to compare how many times people have died.
6. All betting on life and death is hearby restricted.
6.a. All betting on life, death, and other is hereby restricted.
7. Batman is not the tasty filling in a Blue and Gold sandwich and it is not nice to say so.
7.a. Seriously. Stop it.
7.b. Batman knows where you live. Shut up.
8. OMAX is watching you.
8.a. Yes, even there.
8.b. Yes it's creepy.
8.c. Privacy is an outdated concept.
9. Do not upset the OMAX. The OMAX has access to your credit rating, and the OMAX knows what you did last summer.
9.a. It doesn't matter if they promised not to tell, OMAX knows.
9.b. Yes it's creepy.
10. Blue Beetle is not a pope.
10.a. Correction: In the spirit of religious tolerance, Blue Beetle is a pope, in accordance with page 00036 of the Principia Discordia which names "every single man, woman, and child on this Earth" as a pope. Blue Beetle is not, however, the Pope.
10.b. Even if he has a big shiny pope hat.
11. You are not caught in The Matrix.
12. We do not talk about the mysterious stain in the trophy room.
12.a. Yes, we've tried to get rid of it.
12.b. Repeatedly.
12.c. It won't go away.
12.d. Seriously, stop talking about it.
13. Playing on the superstitions of others is in poor taste.
14. The words "in accordance with the prophecy" make Batman's jaw twitch. Please try not to say them around him.
15. It really is called the "Monitor Womb" and any commentary on the name is in poor taste.
15.a. No matter how funny you think it is.
15.b. Or how funny Blue Beetle and Gold Star think it is.
15.c. Or Flash.
15.d. No, not even if Batman's mouth twitches.
16. Blue Beetle and Gold Star are not allowed to do anything that makes them snicker for longer than ten minutes thinking about it.
16.a. Longer than five minutes.
17. Batman is a grim and broody creature of the night. He does not have a soft, gooshy center.
18. Blue Beetle and Gold Star are not allowed to sing "Creature of the Night" around Batman.
18.a. Or any other songs from Rocky Horror Picture Show.
18.b. Or to dress in character.
18.c. No matter how good Beetle looks in a corset.
19. There is no official and mandatory "Naked Time" in the League.
19.a. Put your clothes back on, Beetle.
19.b. Yes, including the top.
19.c. It doesn't matter if it improves morale.
19.d. Or if you have fifty dollars stuffed in your belt.
19.e. Stop encouraging him, Gold Star.
19.f. Beetle, quit shaking your groove thing.
19.g. Pulsar, quit stuffing dollars in Beetle's belt for shaking his groove thing.
19.h. You're all getting written up.
20. Gold Star did not put the bop in the bop-shu-bop-bop.
21. No bouncing coins or similar off Blue Beetle's buttocks.
21.a. Even if it does improve morale.
22. Batman's cowl ears are not and have never been: toys, "marital aids," handholds, target practice, "cute as a button," or anything else except grim and pointy.
23. It's just mean to order delivery at the Watchtower.
23.a. IT'S NOT DELIVERY, IT'S DIGORNO!
23.b. Shut up, Gold Star.
24. OMAX resents the implication and thinks you should apologize.
24.a. Yes, OMAX heard you.
24.b. Yes, even there.
24.c. Yes it's creepy.
25. Personal space is a necessity, not a suggestion.
25.a. Back off, Beetle.
26. Averting a crisis involving the Watchtower sewage system is only praise-worthy if you didn't cause it in the first place.
27. It is hereby forbidden to make supervillains aware of the Evil Overlord List.
27.a. Yes, I know you're sorry, Beetle.
27.b. It doesn't matter if it was just the one time.
27.c. Or how stupid the goatee looked.
28. No one questions the masks.
29. Having a goatee does not automatically make you evil.
29.a. Unless it's a mind-controlling, hairy alien face leech.
30. Notice: Any sudden and extreme changes regarding hair will hereby require mandatory testing for sentience. Thank you.
That's it for now, but there may be more. And you're welcome to contribute your own. :)
EDIT: Numbers that already have short stories written about them now have links to them.
Those who asked for more than one, don't worry, I'm not ignoring your other request(s). To be fair, I'm going down the list and doing one at a time per person. Once I'm done, I'll start back at the top and make my way down again. :)
During the course of the comments, I mentioned that the list of "Things Beetle And Booster Are Not Allowed To Do" was eventually retired in the Mullet-verse. There was a party, much alcohol, stories of how some things got on the list (though others were very carefully not spoken of, ever), recreations of a few of the list numbers, and a passing of the torch (whether literally or figuratively remains uncertain) to the next generation with much solemnity.
The next day, (Tim!)Batman was forced to start a new list, for reasons he remains pointedly vague on to this day.
So of course I was encouraged to share this list. (Of course.) And in doing so, I also came up with the idea to offer to write at least a hundred (100) words on any number requested. So I hereby make the offer, and now I present...
The Justice League List of Things That Aren't Allowed (this means YOU)
1. If you don't know what it is/does, don't touch the goo.
2. Corrupting the minds of sidekicks is not going to make you very popular among the heroes they work with.
3. Anything with "personal lubricant" written on it is not allowed in the Watchtower without express, written permission.
3.a. Not written permission from Blue Beetle.
3.b. Not written permission from Gold Star.
3.c. No, they really don't have the authority to give permission, no matter how sincere they seem.
4. The transporters are tools, not toys. Please keep this in mind.
4.a. The following items are no longer allowed in the transporters without express, written permission: bananas, whipped cream, marbles, alarm clocks, colored dye upwards of a gallon, kittens, minor demons disguised as kittens, "herbs," anything that Blue Beetle or Gold Star assure you is perfectly within the rules, YOUR MOTHER
4.b. Blue Beetle and Gold Star are hereby banned from adding to the list.
4.c. STICK IT IN YOUR POINTY EAR!
5. It is rude to compare how many times people have died.
6. All betting on life and death is hearby restricted.
6.a. All betting on life, death, and other is hereby restricted.
7. Batman is not the tasty filling in a Blue and Gold sandwich and it is not nice to say so.
7.a. Seriously. Stop it.
7.b. Batman knows where you live. Shut up.
8. OMAX is watching you.
8.a. Yes, even there.
8.b. Yes it's creepy.
8.c. Privacy is an outdated concept.
9. Do not upset the OMAX. The OMAX has access to your credit rating, and the OMAX knows what you did last summer.
9.a. It doesn't matter if they promised not to tell, OMAX knows.
9.b. Yes it's creepy.
10. Blue Beetle is not a pope.
10.a. Correction: In the spirit of religious tolerance, Blue Beetle is a pope, in accordance with page 00036 of the Principia Discordia which names "every single man, woman, and child on this Earth" as a pope. Blue Beetle is not, however, the Pope.
10.b. Even if he has a big shiny pope hat.
11. You are not caught in The Matrix.
12. We do not talk about the mysterious stain in the trophy room.
12.a. Yes, we've tried to get rid of it.
12.b. Repeatedly.
12.c. It won't go away.
12.d. Seriously, stop talking about it.
13. Playing on the superstitions of others is in poor taste.
14. The words "in accordance with the prophecy" make Batman's jaw twitch. Please try not to say them around him.
15. It really is called the "Monitor Womb" and any commentary on the name is in poor taste.
15.a. No matter how funny you think it is.
15.b. Or how funny Blue Beetle and Gold Star think it is.
15.c. Or Flash.
15.d. No, not even if Batman's mouth twitches.
16. Blue Beetle and Gold Star are not allowed to do anything that makes them snicker for longer than ten minutes thinking about it.
16.a. Longer than five minutes.
17. Batman is a grim and broody creature of the night. He does not have a soft, gooshy center.
18. Blue Beetle and Gold Star are not allowed to sing "Creature of the Night" around Batman.
18.a. Or any other songs from Rocky Horror Picture Show.
18.b. Or to dress in character.
18.c. No matter how good Beetle looks in a corset.
19. There is no official and mandatory "Naked Time" in the League.
19.a. Put your clothes back on, Beetle.
19.b. Yes, including the top.
19.c. It doesn't matter if it improves morale.
19.d. Or if you have fifty dollars stuffed in your belt.
19.e. Stop encouraging him, Gold Star.
19.f. Beetle, quit shaking your groove thing.
19.g. Pulsar, quit stuffing dollars in Beetle's belt for shaking his groove thing.
19.h. You're all getting written up.
20. Gold Star did not put the bop in the bop-shu-bop-bop.
21. No bouncing coins or similar off Blue Beetle's buttocks.
21.a. Even if it does improve morale.
22. Batman's cowl ears are not and have never been: toys, "marital aids," handholds, target practice, "cute as a button," or anything else except grim and pointy.
23. It's just mean to order delivery at the Watchtower.
23.a. IT'S NOT DELIVERY, IT'S DIGORNO!
23.b. Shut up, Gold Star.
24. OMAX resents the implication and thinks you should apologize.
24.a. Yes, OMAX heard you.
24.b. Yes, even there.
24.c. Yes it's creepy.
25. Personal space is a necessity, not a suggestion.
25.a. Back off, Beetle.
26. Averting a crisis involving the Watchtower sewage system is only praise-worthy if you didn't cause it in the first place.
27. It is hereby forbidden to make supervillains aware of the Evil Overlord List.
27.a. Yes, I know you're sorry, Beetle.
27.b. It doesn't matter if it was just the one time.
27.c. Or how stupid the goatee looked.
28. No one questions the masks.
29. Having a goatee does not automatically make you evil.
29.a. Unless it's a mind-controlling, hairy alien face leech.
30. Notice: Any sudden and extreme changes regarding hair will hereby require mandatory testing for sentience. Thank you.
That's it for now, but there may be more. And you're welcome to contribute your own. :)
EDIT: Numbers that already have short stories written about them now have links to them.
Those who asked for more than one, don't worry, I'm not ignoring your other request(s). To be fair, I'm going down the list and doing one at a time per person. Once I'm done, I'll start back at the top and make my way down again. :)