Addictive Obsession ~ Chapter twelve | part one
Title: Addictive obsession
Authors: aroruae & fighter_of_moon
Pairing: Akame, slight Kokame & Jinda
Genre: Smut, AU, drama, tragedy
Warnings: use of drugs, whoring, slaving, insanity, bad language, incest and a lot more to come xD You've been warned, so don't read if you don't want to see them in a lot of pain *evil laugh*
Disclaimer: They don't belong to us, but we're in the process of making it true!! The proof is Jin's twitter~ And now his facebook and OMG, youtube account!!
Summary: Kazuya’s addiction becomes Jin’s obsession. They came to need each other to the extend of wanting to kill.
First Scent ~ Strawberry
Second Scent ~ Poison
Third Scent ~ Musk
Fourth Scent ~ Ecstasy
Fifth Scent ~ Spring
Sixth Scent ~ Fear
Seventh Scent ~ Sky
Eighth Scent ~ Winter
Ninth Scent ~ Loneliness
Tenth Scent ~ Run
Eleventh Scent ~ You
* With a misty and seafoam appearance (two more names associated with this wildflower-like plant), in the language of flowers, statice symbolizes remembrance.
Chapter twelve
The twelfth scent ~ Statice
Warm. Fuzzy. Loved.
That was how Kazuya felt when he opened his eyes the next morning. The warm feeling was given by Jin’s light embrace, the fuzzy one by the butterflies in his stomach and… the feeling of love was given by yesterday’s events. He had never imagined that Jin could make him feel this way, could show him that he was special. For the first time, Kazuya didn’t regret letting himself being touched by a man, didn’t feel that repulse he usually had after having sex with a man. No, this time it wasn’t sex. It had been love.
He rose a little and looked at the sleeping face of Jin. Has it been like this before? Feeling happy just seeing someone sleeping beside you? Wanting to cover that person in kisses and hugs until you could suffocate him?
Kazuya knew the answer but he didn’t want to think about it. So he touched briefly Jin’s cheek, not wanting to wake the other. Then slowly, he took Jin’s hand away from his waist so that he could get off the bed. Kazuya stretched his body and turned once more to look at Jin’s beautiful face. He blew a kiss and with a smile exited the room.
When Jin woke up later, he immediately sensed the loneliness but he didn’t register the fact that Kazuya had left until his right hand started to search for the younger only to find an empty and cold spot. He opened his eyes and looked at the other side of the bed only to confirm his thoughts. Kazuya had left. This was the only thing in his mind when he raised himself from the bed and looked around the room only to find it as empty as the bed. His heart started beating faster with each minute that passed. He started to panic. Why was he alone? And where did Kazuya leave? Had it all been a dream and the reality was that Jin got drunk and imaged all of that? No, it couldn’t be, he still felt Kazuya’s touches and kisses on his body and his lips still burned with the aching feeling of warmth and coziness that the younger always gave to him - even if sometimes it drove Jin crazy.
Everything had been real, this was the only conclusion Jin could get to. But if Kazuya really had made love with him the other night... why did he leave? Maybe... this was what he wanted? To lie to Jin and take advantage of that fact that he trusted him again only to gain the opportunity to run from him?!
As soon as this thought emerged, Jin jumped from the bed, took a pair of shorts that he found lying on the floor and left the room, desperation in his heart and tremble in his feet. He couldn’t believe this, he didn’t want to. He had trusted Kazuya!! But if the younger really did this... Jin knew there was going to be hell to pay.
“Kazuya!!” he shouted, his voice slightly breaking with fear and worry and... something else. Something that Jin couldn’t understand, didn’t have the time for and didn’t even want to.
While Jin was frantically looking and shouting for Kazuya, the younger was in the kitchen with the radio on and singing along with the music. He was grateful that they had slept at the top floor, this way giving him the opportunity to listen to music and sing without waking up Jin. They had gone back to the little hut they had been at before to not be forced to sleep on the beach or worse - to go back home when everything was so perfect. Kazuya had planned on cooking something and take it to the bed. He wanted to surprise the older, he wanted to at least say… thank you. Maybe he didn’t love Jin, but with some effort he might end up loving him. In his unique way, Jin cared and began to love Kazuya and although at first he didn’t trust him, he had felt it and now it was deep carved in his heart and body. He couldn’t ignore it anymore and somehow, he didn’t want to. Because this way - love looked wonderful.
“Kazuya!!”
The younger stopped from singing and his ears perked up, wanting to see if he hadn’t imagined. Maybe love was giving him hallucinations, Kazuya laughed at himself, but still he lowered the radio’s volume. Then he heard a second time and the strained, worried voice had him frozen for a few moments before smiling widely and warm. Kazuya turned off the stove and with small steps, he opened the kitchen’s door and stuck out his head to look up the stairs on his left.
“Jin?” he shouted loud enough, to be sure that the older heard him. The smile was still on his lips when he heard rushed steps and a disheveled Jin appeared at the top of stairs looking down at him.
“Kazuya?” Jin slowly asked, as if he didn’t really believe what he saw. He had been sure that Kazuya ran away from him but… he didn’t? His slow mind had troubles to understand and for the nth time, Jin wondered what was the reason behind Kazuya’s easy acceptance of him. His eyes only seemed confused at first though and when he finally realized that it really was the younger standing in front of him, Jin climbed down the stairs and with a silly grin, he hugged Kazuya so tight, that he could have sworn that he heard the younger’s bones break. It didn’t matter because, for the first time, Jin actually felt what was happiness.
“I missed you.” He confessed, his beating heart starting to calm down and to feel relaxed again.
Everything felt safe into Kazuya’s arms, everything felt perfect and Jin didn’t want to miss that feeling. He wanted to treasure it, to never have to lose it again because of his stupid mistakes. It was like someone had finally introduced him to happiness and now Jin was clutching on it with his nails and toes and his whole being to not let it escape from him ever again.
Kazuya gave a strangled laugh - Jin was still crushing him in his bead hug - and encircled Jin’s waist. “Like we’ve been separated for too long.” He managed to say and moved a little just to hint that he will soon run out of air.
“Well, it’s been long enough.” Jin said with a knowingly pout, even if he himself didn’t know how long because he had been asleep when Kazuya left the room. Even so, it couldn’t have been that long because Jin was sure he felt the emptiness as soon as the younger got up from the bed. He ignored the fact that Kazuya’s side of the bed was cold meaning that it had been some time until he woke up.
“You greedy.” The younger muttered and elbowed Jin to release him. “Let’s go into the kitchen, I’m cooking.” He then added with a smile and purr present in his voice.
Jin grinned and let the younger go, hurrying to follow him and sniff the lovely smell that was starting to spread in the room. “Hmmm… I would marry you if this means to wake up to such an incredible sight.” He half-joked, half-teased, sitting on a chair at the table and looking at Kazuya. Of course, he was referring to the food cooked by Kazuya and the thought of having someone to take care of him. But he had to admit that the biggest part played Kazuya’s smile, his lovely red cheeks and his round ass moving around the kitchen. Maybe his presence was all that it took for Jin to smile back and feel accomplished.
“Hey!” Kazuya rounded on him with his hands on his waist. He had turned on the stove again and he held the skillet skillfully as he stirred the rice in it. “Don’t take me for such cheap reasons!”
“But you make great food!” Jin whined, licking his lips and studying Kazuya’s ass, perverted thoughts in his head but with a pout on his face. “And you have a great ass.” The words slipped from his mouth before he could stop them, so Jin decided on looking as innocent as possible at Kazuya, using his puppy eyes attack.
Kazuya pretended to be shocked when in fact he wasn’t. He had seen the lustful look Jin threw him a while ago so it wasn’t that difficult to imagine what passed through his head. “You horny bastard.” Kazuya muttered and turned to his rice, putting on an upset façade.
“Guilty.” Jin replied immediately, a smile tucking at his lips and his eyes totally devouring Kazuya now. “But you can’t really blame me, it’s your fault that I’m always horny.” He then accused, his voice sounding playful and teasing. “You just love to make me mad about you.” He added, his eyes sparkling with a weird glint, totally betraying the fact that he enjoyed Kazuya’s games too - even if sometimes they could really drive him mad.
“Then guilty of charge too.” Kazuya laughed and took out two plates in which he put the rice. And to add some more fuel to the fire, Kazuya began to dance, shaking his maddening ass in front of Jin. “Would you like some chicken garniture with the rice?” he turned, looking as innocent as Jin looked earlier.
Jin gulped, feeling hungrier for something totally different than Kazuya’s food. His stomach was growling, but Jin didn’t pay any attention to it even if the food was inviting enough and it also looked really good, as everything that Kazuya did. He grinned and looked at Kazuya, his face now totally opposite from the younger’s. “And a kiss too, please, or else I don’t think I could eat anything without it.” He whined, his lips forming a cute pout and his eyes begging for a little more attention.
“That’s dessert and you have to eat all to earn it.” Kazuya winked and added on the plate some meat on which he poured sauce. “Voila!” he served Jin with a pirouette wearing a huge and pervert smile. “It’s not my usual cook, but since you didn’t have anything for curry… we’ll have to settle for this.” He added, seeming a little disappointed.
Jin pouted even more, but he seemed to get over it pretty easily. “I know the fridge’s empty because I don’t come here that often. But my kitchen is also empty so we can go shopping tonight.” He said with a smirk, raising his hand and reaching for Kazuya’s to pull the younger into his lap. “Because I’m not planning to let you go that easily after this.” He was referring to the amazing day they had had and the soft tone in his voice betrayed his desire and lust and simply love for Kazuya. He knew the younger one would know and he hoped that he felt the same and that… he didn’t want to let go of Jin’s hand. Never.
Kazuya’s heart took a huge leap and butterflies were swarming in his tummy. He knew exactly what Jin’s intentions were, it wasn’t that hard to decipher. So he leaned forward and pecked the older’s lips. “You have to eat all or I won’t let you get me that easily.” He whispered while wearing a big and pervert grin. He really wanted Jin to eat what he had cooked. He had big hopes for a praise.
“Then feed me.” Jin’s answer came quickly, leaning to Kazuya to nibble his lips a little, not wanting to end the kiss that soon. “Because now I could eat you all and I wouldn’t need anything else for a lifetime.” He added, his lips curling up a little but still not detaching himself from the younger, Jin’s dark eyes boring into Kazuya’s with a glint of happiness and satisfaction.
“Mouth to mouth feeding?” Kazuya asked, suppressing the soaring desire in his body. “If you’d eat me for a lifetime, you’d get poisoned.” He said while his fingers were curling and uncurling around Jin’s hair locks.
“Then I’d die happily.” Jin said cheekily, grinning widely at Kazuya and tightening his hold on the younger’s waist, bringing his body closer to Jin’s. “Feed me?” he then asked, pursing his lower lip and battling his eyelashes to show how pure and innocent he was - and that he deserved to be fed like this. Mouth to mouth didn’t sound that bad after all. Or tongue to tongue, to be honest.
Kazuya laughed at the older one’s antics and gave a little sigh. “It can’t be helped I guess.” He said and stretched out to bring the plate closer so that he could dip the spoon and feed his pouting baby. He brought the spoon filled with rice at Jin’s mouth and - “Say aaah” Kazuya instructed with a playful smile dancing on his lips.
“Aaah.”Jin repeated, now with a wide and happy smile, the excitement and cheerfulness clearly written in his eyes. He took the food that Kazuya offered and then lifted his hand to Kazuya’s neck to bring the younger closer and catch his lips within his own, engaging him into a slow and gentle kiss, the rice dancing through both of their mouths. “I thought you might want to eat too.” He explained after, with a slight perverted smile showing on his face, his lips still tucked to Kazuya’s.
If the younger hadn’t suspected such a reaction, he might have been grossed out and spit everything out. But somehow he felt Jin wanted to do something like this so he had willingly let the other kiss him with a mouth filled of rice. It was a funny and interesting thing to try, Kazuya thought as he swallowed the food and detached from Jin a little. Just to breathe, it was hard after all to eat and to be eaten in the same time.
“Then feed me properly.” He reproached though the smile on his lips showed different. He took another spoon and filled Jin’s mouth again. This time he pressed his lips against the older one’s and made him share his food again. “But yet again I can get used to this kind of feeding.” He shrugged after pulling back, munching on the rice.
“You really are going to make me go crazy.” Jin laughed, surprised of the younger’s reaction and even more of his calm words. But he couldn’t say that he didn’t like it and even if some time had passed since they met, it was still entertaining to discover new things about Kazuya, things that would make Jin eventually not able to part from him. “But I can’t say that I don’t enjoy it.” He added, taking the spoon from Kazuya and having another bite, then letting it to hang between his lips, licking it slowly and looking with an intense gaze at the younger, almost like provoking him.
Kazuya’s eyes darkened as he watched Jin play with him, making him feel when the mouse, when the cat. It was entertaining if not emotionally and physically disturbing. And the truth was that he was loving every bit of this. “What can I say, I have a gift for driving you crazy. And since you enjoy it who am I to deny you the chance to make you even crazier for me?” he said huskily and took Jin’s spoon to put it aside. He cupped the older one’s nape and leaned again towards Jin’s lips. “Stick out your tongue.” The older looked a bit surprised but his desire sparked even more hearing such a wish. So, curious about the younger’s intentions, Jin did as he had been asked to. “Such a good boy.” Kazuya remarked before taking Jin’s tongue between his lips, sucking a bit onto it almost as if tasting it. He grazed it with his teeth, teased it endlessly never letting Jin to really kiss him. He locked his eyes with Jin’s before taking it fully into his mouth using only his lips to lick and suck it. What was hotter, Kazuya couldn’t have answered - whether the burning desire in Jin’s eyes, whether the blowjob of a tongue. Either way, both made him erotically aroused.
“Oh, God…” Jin moaned, closing his eyes and letting himself fall into the sweet feeling of Kazuya’s mouth sucking on his tongue. It was painfully arousing and Jin couldn’t keep still, but he forced himself, half not being able to move a finger, half wanting to stop Kazuya and get more than his teasing. He finally decided to stop and detach himself from the boy a little, just enough to look him properly in the eyes but still close to let the younger feel his arousal and lust vibrating in his body. He made Kazuya move to straddle him and then he raised his hands to place them on the back of Kazuya’s, making him lean over Jin while the older bit on his ear, whispering softly after: “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” He confessed with a husky voice, clouded by desire and passion and the need of having Kazuya. He then lowered his hands, slow and gently, moving in circles on the back of Kazuya’s until they got to his ass. He pinched it and covered it with his big hands, massaging it a little and settling in the end in the back pockets of the younger’s jeans, squeezing it mildly. His heart was beating faster and Jin was afraid the younger will notice it, considering the closeness between them. But he realized that Kazuya already knew that he was in love with him so Jin decided that it was best to say everything that was on his mind.
“I never knew life could be so… fulfilling.” Jin admitted with a sigh, letting his head fall on Kazuya’ shoulder. “I didn’t know that a simple thing like this can make me this happy. Heck, I didn’t even know what’s happiness before I met you.” He then laughed, raising his head and looking into Kazuya’s eyes. So many things had changed, that Jin wasn’t sure yet if it wasn’t a dream. A dream like he used to have, one that merged into a nightmare when you thought that nothing bad can happen. In moments like these. “I’m not dreaming, am I? You’re not going to disappear?” he asked, just to make sure, insecure like a child, but the light of hope dancing radiantly in his eyes.
When did it change to such a romantic atmosphere, Kazuya mused as he felt the torturing sensation of lust entwining with love in his body and exploding into thousands shards of pure desire. He was aware of Jin’s body, of his own body… he was so aware of his desires that he held little control of it. But Jin’s voice kept him leveled, though if it got huskier then Kazuya would simply forget everything and claim Jin right there and right then. “You’re asking silly questions, Jin.” He said rubbing their noses together. “Why think of the future when the present is definitely more pleasant?” he asked and kissed one of Jin’s eyebrows and then the other. “Why think of dreams when you have them in front of you?” he placed a kiss on the tip of the older’s nose. “Why talking instead of taking?” Kazuya’s breathe tickled Jin’s lips before kissing them slightly.
“Because…” Jin tried, but the words stopped in his throat. He gulped, took a deep breath but the words wouldn’t come out. Somehow, it had been easier to say ‘I love you’ than this. That was hard too and Jin had felt like he had given a part of him, even if the words rolled out of his mouth the first time without him noticing. But now… if he said those words, it would be like he had given everything of himself to Kazuya. He took another breath. “I’m…” his eyes searched for Kazuya’s, looking for assurance in them, for something that could convince him to do this. He found the younger’s sparkling orbs and the glint in them gave a warm and fuzzy feeling in Jin’s chest. He tried again. “I’m scared.” He finally confessed, trembling slightly. It was the first and maybe the last time he said this thing, because… love - he could accept it. Hate, lust, friendship, any kind of relationship or feeling. But not being scared.
Jin was scared of being scared.
“It’s the first time I want someone with all of my heart, but I’m stupid and I know I’ll make mistakes. I know I’ll hurt you because this is the only thing I know how to do. And I can’t stop thinking that I’ll make a wrong move every time I’m with you.” He continued, telling all of his frustrations in a breath. “I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t help thinking that you’ll leave me, just like everyone else. It scares the hell out of me, it drives me crazy and it makes me mad.” He laughed a bitter laugh.
Wow. That was some confession, one that Kazuya didn’t expect and wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know. Just like to Jin accepting fear was difficult, the same was for Kazuya to accept romantic relationships and everything that involved love. He had been right in thinking that he and Jin were alike - different yet the same. They both were running from something and had a great deal of controlling that weak part of them. And he knew perfectly that either of them would never stop trying to surpass that weakness, that impeccable flaw.
“Do you want me to promise that I won’t leave?” he asked on a small voice, very aware of the fact that he might lie if Jin wanted so. When, in fact, he might really want to tell the truth.
“I don’t want you to lie to me.” Jin said instead, almost like reading the younger’s thoughts. “Not about this, not about anything.” He continued, lowering his head and letting it hang on Kazuya’s chest. “If you don’t want to answer, just say so. But don’t lie to me.” He repeated, his voice sounding more like begging. “This is what I want you to promise.” He added, now looking again into Kazuya’s brown orbs, his own eyes flickering with determination. “And then… nothing else will matter.” Jin smiled, his lips curling only a little into a small and shy smile.
“Okay.” Kazuya replied and kept quiet, simply staring back at Jin. He will not say anything related to those earlier, because he couldn’t say whether tomorrow he’ll stay or leave. Because just like Jin, he had an instable personality. “I…” He began to say and looked to his left for a second. “I want you to finish eating.” He then added, wearing a serene expression that showed nothing but fully acceptance and no promises.
“Hmm…”Jin moaned with a low voice, changing the atmosphere back into the teasing one with just one simple and arousing sound and a move of his hips. The younger’s answer had been enough and Jin was satisfied for the moment, he knew he could trust Kazuya. “I might not be able to finish the food if I have this amazing dessert in front of me.” Jin chuckled, his eyes glancing with a naughty spark at Kazuya. He grinned and caught the younger’s lips with his own again, engaging them into a slow kiss, no tongue and just lips and sweetness and that taste of strawberry that Jin was so crazy about.
This trait of Jin will drive Kazuya crazy someday. The way he changed his moods irked and interested the younger in the same time. And all he could do was to let himself be absorbed by this trait and simply follow. He let Jin kiss him, taste him, make him forget about the words said earlier. “I like seeing you eating my food.” Kazuya said as they parted, sweet sensations and lust still lingering on their lips.
Jin pouted, clearly not satisfied that Kazuya was insisting that much with the food. Of course, he knew that it’s been… too long since the last time he ate but Jin wasn’t hungry and the only thing that he wanted to eat was those red and plump lips, especially when Kazuya’s tongue would wet them slightly or when his teeth would bit them gently…
Jin cleared his throat and tried to get back to reality. He looked at Kazuya, still sulking, and he sighed, taking the spoon again and grabbing a bite of the food. In the next second, he closed his eyes with a blissful expression on his face. He stayed like that for a couple of moments and when he opened his eyes again, Jin stared at Kazuya for a while before pushing the boy from his lap and setting his chair closer to the table to have more of the food. “What the hell did you put in this meat? It’s freaking awesome.” Jin praised with his mouth full, not bothering to swallow before talking, a spark of eternal gratefulness in his eyes.
Kazuya didn’t know if he was supposed to laugh or to kick Jin for such a treatment. He chose the former and simply went to his own plate, still giggling before he sat down at the table. “The usual.” He answered, taking a bite too and grinning at Jin. “And a secret ingredient.” He shrugged and stuffed his mouth with some more.
“I’d lock you in this house only for this.” Jin said, continuing to eat as happily as earlier, not really paying attention to the meaning of his words or the fact that he had indeed locked the younger in his house. Not once. And for even less.
Kazuya chewed on his food silently, eyeing the older with a strange gaze. Then he simply smiled and shrugged as if Jin’s remark wasn’t that much of a bother. “I’m glad you like it, then.” He replied instead, sticking out his tongue like a child.
“I love it!” Jin exclaimed happily, eating even faster and finishing the food with a wide grin. He then stopped and looked at Kazuya for a few seconds with a thoughtful gaze, seeming to be having something on his mind but not daring to say it. He bit his lip and his eyes found Kazuya’s and Jin smiled nervously, almost shyly. He opened his mouth but he didn’t say anything, choosing to purse his lips and continue to stare at Kazuya. “Nee…” he began, entwining his fingers and stretching them a little, his lips curling up a bit into a small smile.
The younger looked at Jin and pushed aside his food. He realized that somehow he wasn’t that much hungry. “What?” he asked with a curious voice.
Jin took the food from Kazuya’s and started to eat that too, with the same happy expression plastered on his face as earlier. “I was wondering…” he said, drawing out the words and stopping yet for another few moments. “If you’d like to…” he now stopped eating, his head still facing the table but then he suddenly lifted it to look at the younger. “If you’d like to go out… on a date… with me?” he asked, pausing at every word and glancing at Kazuya and the wall behind the younger to hide the nervousness from his eyes.
Kazuya was glad that he had stopped eating. Otherwise he might have choked upon hearing Jin’s request. Instead he looked at the older with huge eyes almost as if he was talking gibberish all of a sudden. It took him a few moments to finally realize that Jin wasn’t pulling his leg and that he really wanted to go on a date with him. Kazuya was lost for words.
“Erm.. well… err…” Kazuya stuttered, unsure of how he should interpret all this. And curiously enough, he felt the heat rushing to his cheeks. Oh, perfect! He was blushing! “Sure… why not?” he finally gave an answer, smiling awkwardly.
Jin smiled back, his grin larger than Kazuya’s and his eyes twitching with mischievousness. He had been a little unsure if his proposal will be received well but now, seeing that cute blush on Kazuya’s cheeks, made Jin feel like he did the right thing. Even more, he couldn’t stop smiling because this was yet another face of Kazuya’s that he didn’t know but he had managed to discover. And he would enjoy it till it lasted.
“Don’t tell me you’re blushing because of this?” Jin chuckled, getting off his chair and circling the table to stand next to Kazuya. “You’re so cute!!” he squealed and bounced once, only to trap the younger in a bear hug in the next second, trapping him and the chair between his arms. “You know, I could get used to this cute face of yours.” He giggled in Kazuya’s ear, letting his arms hang on the younger’s shoulders and now looking at him with a small smirk.
“That’s not funny…” Kazuya mumbled, letting his head fall so that his locks would hide his face. He was pouting and blushing again. Hey, he couldn’t help this chemical reaction of his body! “And it’s your fault, stupid.” He then pretended to glare at the older, but the twitch of his lips gave him away. Kazuya was fighting back a smile.
“My fault?” Jin pretended to be offended, standing straight and with his hand on his heart as if he wanted to stop it from beating that fast because of the accusations. “Young man, I think you’ve got the wrong guy.” He then stated with a frown. “I’m pure and innocent!” Jin then exclaimed with a squeaky voice, acting like his honor had been tainted.
After this humble statement, the room roared with laughter as Kazuya did all but not rolling down on the floor from too much laughing. He had tears at the corners of his eyes and his tummy was beginning to hurt as he couldn’t stop laughing. “This is the greatest thing I’ve heard today!” he managed to say between his laughs, brushing a sliding tear. “Pure and innocent!” Kazuya choked on his own words while chortling. “And I’m Jesus resurrected.” He winked, his laughs now subsided.
“Maybe, if you were a virgin at least.” Jin countered with a soft smile, arms crossed and taunting voice, even if he had pouted all the time Kazuya laughed. Okay, maybe he wasn’t that innocent, but he did have his share of it, right?!
Kazuya looked offended and closed his eyes dramatically. “I kept myself pure for so long… but you were the one who stole my virginity.” He pretended to cry and sniff, looking down. “You shouldn’t talk so casually about it!” he looked up at Jin with a teary expression, almost as if he was hurt.
“If I remember correctly, you were the one who came to me and asked me if I wanna have sex.” Jin stated, raising an eyebrow and looking amused at Kazuya. Somehow, this seemed more fun than he had thought it would be and Kazuya… well, Kazuya definitely deserved an Oscar for his fake tears.
Kazuya had a wicked gleam when he looked at Jin and faked a surprised expression. "Are you sure?" he asked with big and round puppy eyes.
“Positive.” Jin replied immediately. It wasn’t like he could forget the night he had met Kazuya. That moment would always remain engraved in his mind, especially Kazuya’s words, his whispers and slow touches on his body. He could still feel his breath on his neck and he could already see Kazuya’s smirk and confident expression. The younger had been too different from the people who used to hang around him, so even if they hadn’t gotten to this point, Jin would still have remembered him as the cocky and too arrogant kid who had tried to seduce Jin.
Kazuya threw his head back and laughed loudly. “You little wench.” He said with a total different attitude as he looked at Jin. “You’re still the brat that didn’t believe in my charms but fell completely for them.” He commented as if reading Jin’s thoughts about him. “I’m good, ain’t I?” Kazuya said, flashing a cocky smile towards the older. Whether he was asking about the earlier act or his seductive charms, Kazuya will never tell.
“You are, can’t deny that.” Jin answered, his hand supporting his chin while he seemed to think at something. “But I like you more when you’re cute than when you’re a little arrogant brat.” He stuck out his tongue at Kazuya and got close enough to ruffle the younger’s hair, heading for the door after. “Come on, we have a date to catch.” He winked, turning just enough so that his smile could be seen.
And maybe Jin didn’t notice or Kazuya didn’t show, but the statement of preferring his cuteness over his arrogance had Kazuya a little disconcerted. It was flattering and kind of new to hear someone call you cute and like that about you. He had been with countless men and each one of them had made him think that having an arrogant and smug attitude will simply turn them on. And now Jin was saying the contrary - which was the truth after all? The younger felt slightly confused about all this. So he simply stayed on his chair and looked at Jin as if he was seeing him for the first time. His mouth opened and his lips formed the sole question that was running inside his head.
“Why?”
“Why what?” Jin asked, stopping in his tracks and turning back to stare at Kazuya. “You did say that you want to go with me on a date, right?” he then added, not sure if he should start fretting about this.
Kazuya looked confused at first, but then he remembered and simply brushed it off. “Yeah, sorry, I’m talking rubbish.” He sat up and smiled at Jin. “Where are we going?” he then asked, setting aside whatever had him asking that stupid question. It wasn’t a matter of being cute or arrogant, it was more of a matter of choice, taste. And he should have known that better than to let his mouth blabber without thinking it through first.
Jin looked at him like he wasn’t totally convinced by the younger’s excuses. His unsure gaze changed into a scrutinizing one, his eyes observing Kazuya carefully. “Are you sure everything’s alright?” he had to ask, just to make sure that Kazuya hadn’t had a change of heart.
The younger eyed Jin for a few seconds before tilting his head in a cute way and gave a little chuckle. “Yes, everything’s alright.” He smiled and approached the older, now looking at him from a closer distance. “Don’t worry, I haven’t changed my mind regarding our date.” Kazuya said, guessing exactly what Jin had been fearing. He rose on his toes and gave the older a quick peck on the lips. Just for reassurance.
“Great then.” Jin smiled widely, enveloping Kazuya into a warm hug and letting his hands fall on the younger’s waist, playing with his jeans. “I was thinking… that I wanna make it up to you.” He then added, his head a little bit lowered, but not enough to avoid Kazuya’s look. He still wanted to see those brown orbs when he’d tell Kazuya his plans because he wanted to do this for him and Jin didn’t know yet if this was the best way to do it. He needed to see the reaction for himself, to feel the change in the younger’s body and to sense it with his own. “And I thought that a night with your friends would be good. To start a friendship. A relationship. Something or to…” he stopped for a few moments, searching for his words but not finding them. He sighed. “I just want to be a part of your life.” He confessed, shaking nervously and smiling shyly, waiting for an answer.
Why complicate things? Kazuya would have said but upon seeing the earnest hope of Jin’s, he didn’t bring himself to say so, instead he smiled and appeared to think for a moment. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea -” he said, Koki’s face appearing in his mind “- but we can give it a try.” Kazuya agreed, deciding that he will deal with Koki later. For now, it was for the best to stay this way with Jin and avoid trouble.
“Great!” Jin’s grin got even wider - if that was possible - and he leaned closer to peck Kazuya’s lips into a short kiss, not having enough patience to linger even for this. “Now, let’s go and take a shower. Together or not, it’s your choice.” He winked briefly and then resumed his rambling. “You can choose some clothes from my closet and then we’ll…”
Kazuya put a finger over Jin’s rambling mouth and hushed him with a silent and serious look. The smile was still tugging at his lips, but it was obvious it was just for appearances. “Before all that, I want you to tell me about you and Ueda.” He asked on a mellow voice, though you could sense a tensed tinge to it. “I want to know what happened between you two and to see how will I cope with all this and face my friend.”
Jin blanked for a second. He started to fidget nervously under Kazuya’s stare, not knowing what to do or if it was wise to say exactly what had happened and how far his relationship with Ueda had gone. In the end, he took a deep breath and decided that the only thing he could do was to tell the truth. With a ‘sorry’ in his mind for Ueda, Jin started to explain. “We’ve met in a bar, remember? You were there too that night.” Jin asked and received a nod from the younger. “We kind of hit it on and we had sex. Great sex.” He added, the words slipping out of his mouth unwillingly. “And then it just… continued. I told him that night, in the club with you guys, that you know and he started to get nervous and told me that no one can know that he’s gay. He seemed pretty desperate. So I ran out to find you and… I lied.” He finished, not daring to look into Kazuya’s eyes anymore, just waiting for his sentence to be dealt.
So that’s how everything finally matched. When Ueda first told him that he found Jin likeable, the next time when he insisted on calling Jin just to meet up with them and every time Ueda simply sparkled at the thought of seeing Jin again when he mentioned the older. Everything was much clearer now and Kazuya didn’t know if he was supposed to be surprised or bitter about it. He wasn’t surprised upon Ueda being gay, he somehow had suspected it if not clearly realized but not admitting it. No, he was more surprised that his friend had gone behind his back and met with Jin and… had sex. And on top of that, he asked the other to lie for him. And this is where Kazuya felt more bitterness than surprise.
“So… I was right in the end.” Kazuya slowly remarked, looking everywhere but to Jin. “I’m glad you had great -” the younger grimaced “- sex. Does he know about us?” he then asked and met the older one’s eyes. Kazuya dismissed for now the idea of being lied to, he will use that ace later when necessary.
“I don’t think so.” Jin slowly replied, trying to remember every conversation he had with Ueda - which weren’t that many, considering the fact that they had spent most of their time in bed. “I didn’t tell him anything about us, just that we’re friends, we had a fight and now you won’t talk to me.” Jin smiled, feeling a little guilty. “I think he might suspect that I’m in love with you but he doesn’t know anything about you.”
“I see.” Kazuya said and detached himself from Jin. “You go and take your shower, I’ll call the guys to meet up, okay?” he smiled and gave a small squeeze to Jin’s arm. Kazuya knew that he cut their conversation abruptly, but he felt no need to continue anymore. It was for the best if they stopped here and let Kazuya think everything over and focus on his friends. Ueda was one of them, but he wasn’t sure about the others anymore. Something regarding them had faltered the moment Jin told him about his little affair with Ueda. He was in need for precautions again.
Jin slowly nodded, still seeming a little uncertain if he had done the right thing by telling the truth to Kazuya. But he wanted to be honest and he had tried from the beginning to not lie to Kazuya at all. Jin was aware of the fact that he had a somehow twisted personality and that few people could put up with him, that was why he was kind of grateful that Kazuya was still trying to understand him and didn’t abandon him from the first night - ignoring the fact that physically he couldn’t get away from Jin, he could had at least tried to block his mind and refuse any kind of conversation with the older. Jin also knew that he could be brutally honest sometimes and that got him a lot of troubles over the time. Now, he had managed to contain this urge of his, but it always seemed to come out when Kazuya was concerned.
He pecked Kazuya’s lips, tightening his hold on the younger’s for a few seconds before letting him go and detaching himself from Kazuya. He didn’t say anything more, just threw a last look at him and left the room, heading for the shower and leaving Kazuya alone to deal with his friends. He really hoped that they would all come - even if Jin wouldn’t really miss Koki.
Kazuya sighed heavily and sat down on his chair, looking a bit sad. He knew perfectly well that what he was feeling right now was the bitter disappointment which he had felt before. Somehow, he despised the fact that Ueda didn’t tell him anything and even went out with Jin but in the same he understood completely the need to hide something this private. But Ueda should have known better than to think Kazuya would judge him for the way he was. Ueda should have trusted him more as Kazuya had done a lot more than his friend has imagined. Yet again, who was he to ask Ueda what to tell and who to trust when Kazuya himself was hiding and not trusting anyone enough to share his problems, his addiction or his past? No, Kazuya knew better than to blame or to accuse when he was the worst out of them. That was why he decided he won’t say anything, he won’t claim anything to be said or explained to him… he’ll keep quiet like until now and pretend he never heard about Ueda being gay and having sex with Jin.
Because he had no right and he’ll never have.
Kazuya got out his phone and speed dialed his friends to ask them about tonight. After receiving enthusiastic answers about this meet-up, the younger couldn’t help but grin to himself. He had just finished talking with Junno and the boy had seemed more than delighted to go out with all of them. Even with his new pun, Kazuya’s smile didn’t fade. He stared at the phone for a few moments, thinking that tonight might came as an awesome one if everyone seemed this eager. In fact, he really hoped to be like this. He needed it to be this way. But he had to make one more call before finally feeling happy about tonight. The smile faded this time as he speed dialed the person whom had dreaded to talk with. It barely connected through when he heard Koki’s voice.
“Hey… it’s me.” He began with a false cheerful voice.
“I know it’s you, stupid. It appears on my screen.” Koki retorted half amused, half annoyed by Kazuya. It had passed a day since the younger didn’t contact him and not even returned his calls. He had gone to his place but there had been no one there. Koki had been scared, he had been worried and now Kazuya was calling to tell him it was him. Like he didn’t almost eat the phone since yesterday waiting for a simple call.
“Are you okay?” he asked instead of venting all his frustrations regarding the younger one’s absence.
“Yeah, don’t worry. Everything’s solved.” Kazuya answered and the other could sense anxiety over the phone.
“Then why didn’t you call earlier?” Koki couldn’t refrain that tinge of reproach. On the other side, Kazuya was biting onto his lower lip, unsure and fretful.
“I… was kinda busy.” He finally replied and almost heard a scoffing sound. He was waiting for Koki to have a fit of anger because he didn’t call but it never came. Instead all he received was a cold attitude layered with unspoken worries.
“So you’re really okay, then?”
“Yeah…”
There was a silence between the two of them, each one with his own thoughts and dreading to talk about them. In the end, it was Kazuya who broke the silence.
“I was wondering if you’d like to meet up tonight. Everyone’s coming, so… if you’d like to come…” Kazuya trailed off, feeling he was asking something more illegal or immoral than a simple meeting.
“So I’m the last to call?” Koki muttered, but didn’t let Kazuya to argue back. “Who’s coming?” he asked quickly.
“Uebo, Junno, Maru…” he made a pause and Koki had a nasty feeling about this. “…and Jin.” The younger breathed the words almost like he didn’t want his friend to hear them.
“You’re joking, right?!” But the silence was an answer too and Koki tried to calm himself down not really managing to. “That son of bitch has you trapped, Kazuya, and you do what?!! You go out with him and on top of this, you invite us too!! What for?? So we could protect you if he turns mad and wants to kill you?!”
Kazuya listened to Koki’s words, knowing that every bit of it was true, well except the part where he was expecting them to save him from Jin. That was an impossible task even for him. “It’s not like that…” he said on a small voice, wanting to end this call already.
“Then how is it?!” Koki raised his voice again, but tried to calm down. “Tell me, ‘cause I don’t know anymore. I don’t know …” there was a short intake of air on the other side of the phone and Kazuya tensed. “… I don’t know this Kazuya anymore.” Koki finally said and there was sadness, bitterness and disappointment.
“Koki, listen to me!” Kazuya asked, a tinge of despair in his voice. “I know there are things you can’t understand and I know I haven’t told you lots regarding me and Jin, but I am the same you know. I haven’t changed…” his voice subdued to a whisper, fear and plea in it.
And this only made Koki feel like he was the worst in all this. “Kazuya, I care for you. For God’s fucking sake, I love you, man!” he said to the younger, happy that they weren’t face to face because there were tears in his eyes. He didn’t know why, but he cared for the little turtle more than he ever cared for anyone. Koki considered him his best friend and seeing him trapped like that and doing nothing to change such a situation not only enraged him but also made him feel useless, powerless. If he wasn’t strong enough to protect the ones he cared about, then why was he even friends with them?
“I know…” Kazuya replied with a strangled voice, his heart in a tight clench. “I feel the same, but… this is something I have to deal with myself. I can’t have you involved, Koki.” He continued, wanting the other to understand and to simply be there for him.
“I’m already involved, Kazuya. By being your friend, by caring for you, I’m already involved.”
“Then come tonight!” the younger pleaded, snatching the chance he had been waiting for.
“I’m sorry…” came the answer and Kazuya bit onto his lower lip, feeling suddenly alone. “I can’t be there for you tonight.” Koki added, his voice broken and muffled. “I need… time to understand you.”
Kazuya wanted to say something but the tone had him stopped. Koki had hung up on him.
PART TWO
Authors: aroruae & fighter_of_moon
Pairing: Akame, slight Kokame & Jinda
Genre: Smut, AU, drama, tragedy
Warnings: use of drugs, whoring, slaving, insanity, bad language, incest and a lot more to come xD You've been warned, so don't read if you don't want to see them in a lot of pain *evil laugh*
Disclaimer: They don't belong to us, but we're in the process of making it true!! The proof is Jin's twitter~ And now his facebook and OMG, youtube account!!
Summary: Kazuya’s addiction becomes Jin’s obsession. They came to need each other to the extend of wanting to kill.
First Scent ~ Strawberry
Second Scent ~ Poison
Third Scent ~ Musk
Fourth Scent ~ Ecstasy
Fifth Scent ~ Spring
Sixth Scent ~ Fear
Seventh Scent ~ Sky
Eighth Scent ~ Winter
Ninth Scent ~ Loneliness
Tenth Scent ~ Run
Eleventh Scent ~ You
* With a misty and seafoam appearance (two more names associated with this wildflower-like plant), in the language of flowers, statice symbolizes remembrance.
Chapter twelve
The twelfth scent ~ Statice
Warm. Fuzzy. Loved.
That was how Kazuya felt when he opened his eyes the next morning. The warm feeling was given by Jin’s light embrace, the fuzzy one by the butterflies in his stomach and… the feeling of love was given by yesterday’s events. He had never imagined that Jin could make him feel this way, could show him that he was special. For the first time, Kazuya didn’t regret letting himself being touched by a man, didn’t feel that repulse he usually had after having sex with a man. No, this time it wasn’t sex. It had been love.
He rose a little and looked at the sleeping face of Jin. Has it been like this before? Feeling happy just seeing someone sleeping beside you? Wanting to cover that person in kisses and hugs until you could suffocate him?
Kazuya knew the answer but he didn’t want to think about it. So he touched briefly Jin’s cheek, not wanting to wake the other. Then slowly, he took Jin’s hand away from his waist so that he could get off the bed. Kazuya stretched his body and turned once more to look at Jin’s beautiful face. He blew a kiss and with a smile exited the room.
When Jin woke up later, he immediately sensed the loneliness but he didn’t register the fact that Kazuya had left until his right hand started to search for the younger only to find an empty and cold spot. He opened his eyes and looked at the other side of the bed only to confirm his thoughts. Kazuya had left. This was the only thing in his mind when he raised himself from the bed and looked around the room only to find it as empty as the bed. His heart started beating faster with each minute that passed. He started to panic. Why was he alone? And where did Kazuya leave? Had it all been a dream and the reality was that Jin got drunk and imaged all of that? No, it couldn’t be, he still felt Kazuya’s touches and kisses on his body and his lips still burned with the aching feeling of warmth and coziness that the younger always gave to him - even if sometimes it drove Jin crazy.
Everything had been real, this was the only conclusion Jin could get to. But if Kazuya really had made love with him the other night... why did he leave? Maybe... this was what he wanted? To lie to Jin and take advantage of that fact that he trusted him again only to gain the opportunity to run from him?!
As soon as this thought emerged, Jin jumped from the bed, took a pair of shorts that he found lying on the floor and left the room, desperation in his heart and tremble in his feet. He couldn’t believe this, he didn’t want to. He had trusted Kazuya!! But if the younger really did this... Jin knew there was going to be hell to pay.
“Kazuya!!” he shouted, his voice slightly breaking with fear and worry and... something else. Something that Jin couldn’t understand, didn’t have the time for and didn’t even want to.
While Jin was frantically looking and shouting for Kazuya, the younger was in the kitchen with the radio on and singing along with the music. He was grateful that they had slept at the top floor, this way giving him the opportunity to listen to music and sing without waking up Jin. They had gone back to the little hut they had been at before to not be forced to sleep on the beach or worse - to go back home when everything was so perfect. Kazuya had planned on cooking something and take it to the bed. He wanted to surprise the older, he wanted to at least say… thank you. Maybe he didn’t love Jin, but with some effort he might end up loving him. In his unique way, Jin cared and began to love Kazuya and although at first he didn’t trust him, he had felt it and now it was deep carved in his heart and body. He couldn’t ignore it anymore and somehow, he didn’t want to. Because this way - love looked wonderful.
“Kazuya!!”
The younger stopped from singing and his ears perked up, wanting to see if he hadn’t imagined. Maybe love was giving him hallucinations, Kazuya laughed at himself, but still he lowered the radio’s volume. Then he heard a second time and the strained, worried voice had him frozen for a few moments before smiling widely and warm. Kazuya turned off the stove and with small steps, he opened the kitchen’s door and stuck out his head to look up the stairs on his left.
“Jin?” he shouted loud enough, to be sure that the older heard him. The smile was still on his lips when he heard rushed steps and a disheveled Jin appeared at the top of stairs looking down at him.
“Kazuya?” Jin slowly asked, as if he didn’t really believe what he saw. He had been sure that Kazuya ran away from him but… he didn’t? His slow mind had troubles to understand and for the nth time, Jin wondered what was the reason behind Kazuya’s easy acceptance of him. His eyes only seemed confused at first though and when he finally realized that it really was the younger standing in front of him, Jin climbed down the stairs and with a silly grin, he hugged Kazuya so tight, that he could have sworn that he heard the younger’s bones break. It didn’t matter because, for the first time, Jin actually felt what was happiness.
“I missed you.” He confessed, his beating heart starting to calm down and to feel relaxed again.
Everything felt safe into Kazuya’s arms, everything felt perfect and Jin didn’t want to miss that feeling. He wanted to treasure it, to never have to lose it again because of his stupid mistakes. It was like someone had finally introduced him to happiness and now Jin was clutching on it with his nails and toes and his whole being to not let it escape from him ever again.
Kazuya gave a strangled laugh - Jin was still crushing him in his bead hug - and encircled Jin’s waist. “Like we’ve been separated for too long.” He managed to say and moved a little just to hint that he will soon run out of air.
“Well, it’s been long enough.” Jin said with a knowingly pout, even if he himself didn’t know how long because he had been asleep when Kazuya left the room. Even so, it couldn’t have been that long because Jin was sure he felt the emptiness as soon as the younger got up from the bed. He ignored the fact that Kazuya’s side of the bed was cold meaning that it had been some time until he woke up.
“You greedy.” The younger muttered and elbowed Jin to release him. “Let’s go into the kitchen, I’m cooking.” He then added with a smile and purr present in his voice.
Jin grinned and let the younger go, hurrying to follow him and sniff the lovely smell that was starting to spread in the room. “Hmmm… I would marry you if this means to wake up to such an incredible sight.” He half-joked, half-teased, sitting on a chair at the table and looking at Kazuya. Of course, he was referring to the food cooked by Kazuya and the thought of having someone to take care of him. But he had to admit that the biggest part played Kazuya’s smile, his lovely red cheeks and his round ass moving around the kitchen. Maybe his presence was all that it took for Jin to smile back and feel accomplished.
“Hey!” Kazuya rounded on him with his hands on his waist. He had turned on the stove again and he held the skillet skillfully as he stirred the rice in it. “Don’t take me for such cheap reasons!”
“But you make great food!” Jin whined, licking his lips and studying Kazuya’s ass, perverted thoughts in his head but with a pout on his face. “And you have a great ass.” The words slipped from his mouth before he could stop them, so Jin decided on looking as innocent as possible at Kazuya, using his puppy eyes attack.
Kazuya pretended to be shocked when in fact he wasn’t. He had seen the lustful look Jin threw him a while ago so it wasn’t that difficult to imagine what passed through his head. “You horny bastard.” Kazuya muttered and turned to his rice, putting on an upset façade.
“Guilty.” Jin replied immediately, a smile tucking at his lips and his eyes totally devouring Kazuya now. “But you can’t really blame me, it’s your fault that I’m always horny.” He then accused, his voice sounding playful and teasing. “You just love to make me mad about you.” He added, his eyes sparkling with a weird glint, totally betraying the fact that he enjoyed Kazuya’s games too - even if sometimes they could really drive him mad.
“Then guilty of charge too.” Kazuya laughed and took out two plates in which he put the rice. And to add some more fuel to the fire, Kazuya began to dance, shaking his maddening ass in front of Jin. “Would you like some chicken garniture with the rice?” he turned, looking as innocent as Jin looked earlier.
Jin gulped, feeling hungrier for something totally different than Kazuya’s food. His stomach was growling, but Jin didn’t pay any attention to it even if the food was inviting enough and it also looked really good, as everything that Kazuya did. He grinned and looked at Kazuya, his face now totally opposite from the younger’s. “And a kiss too, please, or else I don’t think I could eat anything without it.” He whined, his lips forming a cute pout and his eyes begging for a little more attention.
“That’s dessert and you have to eat all to earn it.” Kazuya winked and added on the plate some meat on which he poured sauce. “Voila!” he served Jin with a pirouette wearing a huge and pervert smile. “It’s not my usual cook, but since you didn’t have anything for curry… we’ll have to settle for this.” He added, seeming a little disappointed.
Jin pouted even more, but he seemed to get over it pretty easily. “I know the fridge’s empty because I don’t come here that often. But my kitchen is also empty so we can go shopping tonight.” He said with a smirk, raising his hand and reaching for Kazuya’s to pull the younger into his lap. “Because I’m not planning to let you go that easily after this.” He was referring to the amazing day they had had and the soft tone in his voice betrayed his desire and lust and simply love for Kazuya. He knew the younger one would know and he hoped that he felt the same and that… he didn’t want to let go of Jin’s hand. Never.
Kazuya’s heart took a huge leap and butterflies were swarming in his tummy. He knew exactly what Jin’s intentions were, it wasn’t that hard to decipher. So he leaned forward and pecked the older’s lips. “You have to eat all or I won’t let you get me that easily.” He whispered while wearing a big and pervert grin. He really wanted Jin to eat what he had cooked. He had big hopes for a praise.
“Then feed me.” Jin’s answer came quickly, leaning to Kazuya to nibble his lips a little, not wanting to end the kiss that soon. “Because now I could eat you all and I wouldn’t need anything else for a lifetime.” He added, his lips curling up a little but still not detaching himself from the younger, Jin’s dark eyes boring into Kazuya’s with a glint of happiness and satisfaction.
“Mouth to mouth feeding?” Kazuya asked, suppressing the soaring desire in his body. “If you’d eat me for a lifetime, you’d get poisoned.” He said while his fingers were curling and uncurling around Jin’s hair locks.
“Then I’d die happily.” Jin said cheekily, grinning widely at Kazuya and tightening his hold on the younger’s waist, bringing his body closer to Jin’s. “Feed me?” he then asked, pursing his lower lip and battling his eyelashes to show how pure and innocent he was - and that he deserved to be fed like this. Mouth to mouth didn’t sound that bad after all. Or tongue to tongue, to be honest.
Kazuya laughed at the older one’s antics and gave a little sigh. “It can’t be helped I guess.” He said and stretched out to bring the plate closer so that he could dip the spoon and feed his pouting baby. He brought the spoon filled with rice at Jin’s mouth and - “Say aaah” Kazuya instructed with a playful smile dancing on his lips.
“Aaah.”Jin repeated, now with a wide and happy smile, the excitement and cheerfulness clearly written in his eyes. He took the food that Kazuya offered and then lifted his hand to Kazuya’s neck to bring the younger closer and catch his lips within his own, engaging him into a slow and gentle kiss, the rice dancing through both of their mouths. “I thought you might want to eat too.” He explained after, with a slight perverted smile showing on his face, his lips still tucked to Kazuya’s.
If the younger hadn’t suspected such a reaction, he might have been grossed out and spit everything out. But somehow he felt Jin wanted to do something like this so he had willingly let the other kiss him with a mouth filled of rice. It was a funny and interesting thing to try, Kazuya thought as he swallowed the food and detached from Jin a little. Just to breathe, it was hard after all to eat and to be eaten in the same time.
“Then feed me properly.” He reproached though the smile on his lips showed different. He took another spoon and filled Jin’s mouth again. This time he pressed his lips against the older one’s and made him share his food again. “But yet again I can get used to this kind of feeding.” He shrugged after pulling back, munching on the rice.
“You really are going to make me go crazy.” Jin laughed, surprised of the younger’s reaction and even more of his calm words. But he couldn’t say that he didn’t like it and even if some time had passed since they met, it was still entertaining to discover new things about Kazuya, things that would make Jin eventually not able to part from him. “But I can’t say that I don’t enjoy it.” He added, taking the spoon from Kazuya and having another bite, then letting it to hang between his lips, licking it slowly and looking with an intense gaze at the younger, almost like provoking him.
Kazuya’s eyes darkened as he watched Jin play with him, making him feel when the mouse, when the cat. It was entertaining if not emotionally and physically disturbing. And the truth was that he was loving every bit of this. “What can I say, I have a gift for driving you crazy. And since you enjoy it who am I to deny you the chance to make you even crazier for me?” he said huskily and took Jin’s spoon to put it aside. He cupped the older one’s nape and leaned again towards Jin’s lips. “Stick out your tongue.” The older looked a bit surprised but his desire sparked even more hearing such a wish. So, curious about the younger’s intentions, Jin did as he had been asked to. “Such a good boy.” Kazuya remarked before taking Jin’s tongue between his lips, sucking a bit onto it almost as if tasting it. He grazed it with his teeth, teased it endlessly never letting Jin to really kiss him. He locked his eyes with Jin’s before taking it fully into his mouth using only his lips to lick and suck it. What was hotter, Kazuya couldn’t have answered - whether the burning desire in Jin’s eyes, whether the blowjob of a tongue. Either way, both made him erotically aroused.
“Oh, God…” Jin moaned, closing his eyes and letting himself fall into the sweet feeling of Kazuya’s mouth sucking on his tongue. It was painfully arousing and Jin couldn’t keep still, but he forced himself, half not being able to move a finger, half wanting to stop Kazuya and get more than his teasing. He finally decided to stop and detach himself from the boy a little, just enough to look him properly in the eyes but still close to let the younger feel his arousal and lust vibrating in his body. He made Kazuya move to straddle him and then he raised his hands to place them on the back of Kazuya’s, making him lean over Jin while the older bit on his ear, whispering softly after: “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” He confessed with a husky voice, clouded by desire and passion and the need of having Kazuya. He then lowered his hands, slow and gently, moving in circles on the back of Kazuya’s until they got to his ass. He pinched it and covered it with his big hands, massaging it a little and settling in the end in the back pockets of the younger’s jeans, squeezing it mildly. His heart was beating faster and Jin was afraid the younger will notice it, considering the closeness between them. But he realized that Kazuya already knew that he was in love with him so Jin decided that it was best to say everything that was on his mind.
“I never knew life could be so… fulfilling.” Jin admitted with a sigh, letting his head fall on Kazuya’ shoulder. “I didn’t know that a simple thing like this can make me this happy. Heck, I didn’t even know what’s happiness before I met you.” He then laughed, raising his head and looking into Kazuya’s eyes. So many things had changed, that Jin wasn’t sure yet if it wasn’t a dream. A dream like he used to have, one that merged into a nightmare when you thought that nothing bad can happen. In moments like these. “I’m not dreaming, am I? You’re not going to disappear?” he asked, just to make sure, insecure like a child, but the light of hope dancing radiantly in his eyes.
When did it change to such a romantic atmosphere, Kazuya mused as he felt the torturing sensation of lust entwining with love in his body and exploding into thousands shards of pure desire. He was aware of Jin’s body, of his own body… he was so aware of his desires that he held little control of it. But Jin’s voice kept him leveled, though if it got huskier then Kazuya would simply forget everything and claim Jin right there and right then. “You’re asking silly questions, Jin.” He said rubbing their noses together. “Why think of the future when the present is definitely more pleasant?” he asked and kissed one of Jin’s eyebrows and then the other. “Why think of dreams when you have them in front of you?” he placed a kiss on the tip of the older’s nose. “Why talking instead of taking?” Kazuya’s breathe tickled Jin’s lips before kissing them slightly.
“Because…” Jin tried, but the words stopped in his throat. He gulped, took a deep breath but the words wouldn’t come out. Somehow, it had been easier to say ‘I love you’ than this. That was hard too and Jin had felt like he had given a part of him, even if the words rolled out of his mouth the first time without him noticing. But now… if he said those words, it would be like he had given everything of himself to Kazuya. He took another breath. “I’m…” his eyes searched for Kazuya’s, looking for assurance in them, for something that could convince him to do this. He found the younger’s sparkling orbs and the glint in them gave a warm and fuzzy feeling in Jin’s chest. He tried again. “I’m scared.” He finally confessed, trembling slightly. It was the first and maybe the last time he said this thing, because… love - he could accept it. Hate, lust, friendship, any kind of relationship or feeling. But not being scared.
Jin was scared of being scared.
“It’s the first time I want someone with all of my heart, but I’m stupid and I know I’ll make mistakes. I know I’ll hurt you because this is the only thing I know how to do. And I can’t stop thinking that I’ll make a wrong move every time I’m with you.” He continued, telling all of his frustrations in a breath. “I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t help thinking that you’ll leave me, just like everyone else. It scares the hell out of me, it drives me crazy and it makes me mad.” He laughed a bitter laugh.
Wow. That was some confession, one that Kazuya didn’t expect and wasn’t quite sure he wanted to know. Just like to Jin accepting fear was difficult, the same was for Kazuya to accept romantic relationships and everything that involved love. He had been right in thinking that he and Jin were alike - different yet the same. They both were running from something and had a great deal of controlling that weak part of them. And he knew perfectly that either of them would never stop trying to surpass that weakness, that impeccable flaw.
“Do you want me to promise that I won’t leave?” he asked on a small voice, very aware of the fact that he might lie if Jin wanted so. When, in fact, he might really want to tell the truth.
“I don’t want you to lie to me.” Jin said instead, almost like reading the younger’s thoughts. “Not about this, not about anything.” He continued, lowering his head and letting it hang on Kazuya’s chest. “If you don’t want to answer, just say so. But don’t lie to me.” He repeated, his voice sounding more like begging. “This is what I want you to promise.” He added, now looking again into Kazuya’s brown orbs, his own eyes flickering with determination. “And then… nothing else will matter.” Jin smiled, his lips curling only a little into a small and shy smile.
“Okay.” Kazuya replied and kept quiet, simply staring back at Jin. He will not say anything related to those earlier, because he couldn’t say whether tomorrow he’ll stay or leave. Because just like Jin, he had an instable personality. “I…” He began to say and looked to his left for a second. “I want you to finish eating.” He then added, wearing a serene expression that showed nothing but fully acceptance and no promises.
“Hmm…”Jin moaned with a low voice, changing the atmosphere back into the teasing one with just one simple and arousing sound and a move of his hips. The younger’s answer had been enough and Jin was satisfied for the moment, he knew he could trust Kazuya. “I might not be able to finish the food if I have this amazing dessert in front of me.” Jin chuckled, his eyes glancing with a naughty spark at Kazuya. He grinned and caught the younger’s lips with his own again, engaging them into a slow kiss, no tongue and just lips and sweetness and that taste of strawberry that Jin was so crazy about.
This trait of Jin will drive Kazuya crazy someday. The way he changed his moods irked and interested the younger in the same time. And all he could do was to let himself be absorbed by this trait and simply follow. He let Jin kiss him, taste him, make him forget about the words said earlier. “I like seeing you eating my food.” Kazuya said as they parted, sweet sensations and lust still lingering on their lips.
Jin pouted, clearly not satisfied that Kazuya was insisting that much with the food. Of course, he knew that it’s been… too long since the last time he ate but Jin wasn’t hungry and the only thing that he wanted to eat was those red and plump lips, especially when Kazuya’s tongue would wet them slightly or when his teeth would bit them gently…
Jin cleared his throat and tried to get back to reality. He looked at Kazuya, still sulking, and he sighed, taking the spoon again and grabbing a bite of the food. In the next second, he closed his eyes with a blissful expression on his face. He stayed like that for a couple of moments and when he opened his eyes again, Jin stared at Kazuya for a while before pushing the boy from his lap and setting his chair closer to the table to have more of the food. “What the hell did you put in this meat? It’s freaking awesome.” Jin praised with his mouth full, not bothering to swallow before talking, a spark of eternal gratefulness in his eyes.
Kazuya didn’t know if he was supposed to laugh or to kick Jin for such a treatment. He chose the former and simply went to his own plate, still giggling before he sat down at the table. “The usual.” He answered, taking a bite too and grinning at Jin. “And a secret ingredient.” He shrugged and stuffed his mouth with some more.
“I’d lock you in this house only for this.” Jin said, continuing to eat as happily as earlier, not really paying attention to the meaning of his words or the fact that he had indeed locked the younger in his house. Not once. And for even less.
Kazuya chewed on his food silently, eyeing the older with a strange gaze. Then he simply smiled and shrugged as if Jin’s remark wasn’t that much of a bother. “I’m glad you like it, then.” He replied instead, sticking out his tongue like a child.
“I love it!” Jin exclaimed happily, eating even faster and finishing the food with a wide grin. He then stopped and looked at Kazuya for a few seconds with a thoughtful gaze, seeming to be having something on his mind but not daring to say it. He bit his lip and his eyes found Kazuya’s and Jin smiled nervously, almost shyly. He opened his mouth but he didn’t say anything, choosing to purse his lips and continue to stare at Kazuya. “Nee…” he began, entwining his fingers and stretching them a little, his lips curling up a bit into a small smile.
The younger looked at Jin and pushed aside his food. He realized that somehow he wasn’t that much hungry. “What?” he asked with a curious voice.
Jin took the food from Kazuya’s and started to eat that too, with the same happy expression plastered on his face as earlier. “I was wondering…” he said, drawing out the words and stopping yet for another few moments. “If you’d like to…” he now stopped eating, his head still facing the table but then he suddenly lifted it to look at the younger. “If you’d like to go out… on a date… with me?” he asked, pausing at every word and glancing at Kazuya and the wall behind the younger to hide the nervousness from his eyes.
Kazuya was glad that he had stopped eating. Otherwise he might have choked upon hearing Jin’s request. Instead he looked at the older with huge eyes almost as if he was talking gibberish all of a sudden. It took him a few moments to finally realize that Jin wasn’t pulling his leg and that he really wanted to go on a date with him. Kazuya was lost for words.
“Erm.. well… err…” Kazuya stuttered, unsure of how he should interpret all this. And curiously enough, he felt the heat rushing to his cheeks. Oh, perfect! He was blushing! “Sure… why not?” he finally gave an answer, smiling awkwardly.
Jin smiled back, his grin larger than Kazuya’s and his eyes twitching with mischievousness. He had been a little unsure if his proposal will be received well but now, seeing that cute blush on Kazuya’s cheeks, made Jin feel like he did the right thing. Even more, he couldn’t stop smiling because this was yet another face of Kazuya’s that he didn’t know but he had managed to discover. And he would enjoy it till it lasted.
“Don’t tell me you’re blushing because of this?” Jin chuckled, getting off his chair and circling the table to stand next to Kazuya. “You’re so cute!!” he squealed and bounced once, only to trap the younger in a bear hug in the next second, trapping him and the chair between his arms. “You know, I could get used to this cute face of yours.” He giggled in Kazuya’s ear, letting his arms hang on the younger’s shoulders and now looking at him with a small smirk.
“That’s not funny…” Kazuya mumbled, letting his head fall so that his locks would hide his face. He was pouting and blushing again. Hey, he couldn’t help this chemical reaction of his body! “And it’s your fault, stupid.” He then pretended to glare at the older, but the twitch of his lips gave him away. Kazuya was fighting back a smile.
“My fault?” Jin pretended to be offended, standing straight and with his hand on his heart as if he wanted to stop it from beating that fast because of the accusations. “Young man, I think you’ve got the wrong guy.” He then stated with a frown. “I’m pure and innocent!” Jin then exclaimed with a squeaky voice, acting like his honor had been tainted.
After this humble statement, the room roared with laughter as Kazuya did all but not rolling down on the floor from too much laughing. He had tears at the corners of his eyes and his tummy was beginning to hurt as he couldn’t stop laughing. “This is the greatest thing I’ve heard today!” he managed to say between his laughs, brushing a sliding tear. “Pure and innocent!” Kazuya choked on his own words while chortling. “And I’m Jesus resurrected.” He winked, his laughs now subsided.
“Maybe, if you were a virgin at least.” Jin countered with a soft smile, arms crossed and taunting voice, even if he had pouted all the time Kazuya laughed. Okay, maybe he wasn’t that innocent, but he did have his share of it, right?!
Kazuya looked offended and closed his eyes dramatically. “I kept myself pure for so long… but you were the one who stole my virginity.” He pretended to cry and sniff, looking down. “You shouldn’t talk so casually about it!” he looked up at Jin with a teary expression, almost as if he was hurt.
“If I remember correctly, you were the one who came to me and asked me if I wanna have sex.” Jin stated, raising an eyebrow and looking amused at Kazuya. Somehow, this seemed more fun than he had thought it would be and Kazuya… well, Kazuya definitely deserved an Oscar for his fake tears.
Kazuya had a wicked gleam when he looked at Jin and faked a surprised expression. "Are you sure?" he asked with big and round puppy eyes.
“Positive.” Jin replied immediately. It wasn’t like he could forget the night he had met Kazuya. That moment would always remain engraved in his mind, especially Kazuya’s words, his whispers and slow touches on his body. He could still feel his breath on his neck and he could already see Kazuya’s smirk and confident expression. The younger had been too different from the people who used to hang around him, so even if they hadn’t gotten to this point, Jin would still have remembered him as the cocky and too arrogant kid who had tried to seduce Jin.
Kazuya threw his head back and laughed loudly. “You little wench.” He said with a total different attitude as he looked at Jin. “You’re still the brat that didn’t believe in my charms but fell completely for them.” He commented as if reading Jin’s thoughts about him. “I’m good, ain’t I?” Kazuya said, flashing a cocky smile towards the older. Whether he was asking about the earlier act or his seductive charms, Kazuya will never tell.
“You are, can’t deny that.” Jin answered, his hand supporting his chin while he seemed to think at something. “But I like you more when you’re cute than when you’re a little arrogant brat.” He stuck out his tongue at Kazuya and got close enough to ruffle the younger’s hair, heading for the door after. “Come on, we have a date to catch.” He winked, turning just enough so that his smile could be seen.
And maybe Jin didn’t notice or Kazuya didn’t show, but the statement of preferring his cuteness over his arrogance had Kazuya a little disconcerted. It was flattering and kind of new to hear someone call you cute and like that about you. He had been with countless men and each one of them had made him think that having an arrogant and smug attitude will simply turn them on. And now Jin was saying the contrary - which was the truth after all? The younger felt slightly confused about all this. So he simply stayed on his chair and looked at Jin as if he was seeing him for the first time. His mouth opened and his lips formed the sole question that was running inside his head.
“Why?”
“Why what?” Jin asked, stopping in his tracks and turning back to stare at Kazuya. “You did say that you want to go with me on a date, right?” he then added, not sure if he should start fretting about this.
Kazuya looked confused at first, but then he remembered and simply brushed it off. “Yeah, sorry, I’m talking rubbish.” He sat up and smiled at Jin. “Where are we going?” he then asked, setting aside whatever had him asking that stupid question. It wasn’t a matter of being cute or arrogant, it was more of a matter of choice, taste. And he should have known that better than to let his mouth blabber without thinking it through first.
Jin looked at him like he wasn’t totally convinced by the younger’s excuses. His unsure gaze changed into a scrutinizing one, his eyes observing Kazuya carefully. “Are you sure everything’s alright?” he had to ask, just to make sure that Kazuya hadn’t had a change of heart.
The younger eyed Jin for a few seconds before tilting his head in a cute way and gave a little chuckle. “Yes, everything’s alright.” He smiled and approached the older, now looking at him from a closer distance. “Don’t worry, I haven’t changed my mind regarding our date.” Kazuya said, guessing exactly what Jin had been fearing. He rose on his toes and gave the older a quick peck on the lips. Just for reassurance.
“Great then.” Jin smiled widely, enveloping Kazuya into a warm hug and letting his hands fall on the younger’s waist, playing with his jeans. “I was thinking… that I wanna make it up to you.” He then added, his head a little bit lowered, but not enough to avoid Kazuya’s look. He still wanted to see those brown orbs when he’d tell Kazuya his plans because he wanted to do this for him and Jin didn’t know yet if this was the best way to do it. He needed to see the reaction for himself, to feel the change in the younger’s body and to sense it with his own. “And I thought that a night with your friends would be good. To start a friendship. A relationship. Something or to…” he stopped for a few moments, searching for his words but not finding them. He sighed. “I just want to be a part of your life.” He confessed, shaking nervously and smiling shyly, waiting for an answer.
Why complicate things? Kazuya would have said but upon seeing the earnest hope of Jin’s, he didn’t bring himself to say so, instead he smiled and appeared to think for a moment. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea -” he said, Koki’s face appearing in his mind “- but we can give it a try.” Kazuya agreed, deciding that he will deal with Koki later. For now, it was for the best to stay this way with Jin and avoid trouble.
“Great!” Jin’s grin got even wider - if that was possible - and he leaned closer to peck Kazuya’s lips into a short kiss, not having enough patience to linger even for this. “Now, let’s go and take a shower. Together or not, it’s your choice.” He winked briefly and then resumed his rambling. “You can choose some clothes from my closet and then we’ll…”
Kazuya put a finger over Jin’s rambling mouth and hushed him with a silent and serious look. The smile was still tugging at his lips, but it was obvious it was just for appearances. “Before all that, I want you to tell me about you and Ueda.” He asked on a mellow voice, though you could sense a tensed tinge to it. “I want to know what happened between you two and to see how will I cope with all this and face my friend.”
Jin blanked for a second. He started to fidget nervously under Kazuya’s stare, not knowing what to do or if it was wise to say exactly what had happened and how far his relationship with Ueda had gone. In the end, he took a deep breath and decided that the only thing he could do was to tell the truth. With a ‘sorry’ in his mind for Ueda, Jin started to explain. “We’ve met in a bar, remember? You were there too that night.” Jin asked and received a nod from the younger. “We kind of hit it on and we had sex. Great sex.” He added, the words slipping out of his mouth unwillingly. “And then it just… continued. I told him that night, in the club with you guys, that you know and he started to get nervous and told me that no one can know that he’s gay. He seemed pretty desperate. So I ran out to find you and… I lied.” He finished, not daring to look into Kazuya’s eyes anymore, just waiting for his sentence to be dealt.
So that’s how everything finally matched. When Ueda first told him that he found Jin likeable, the next time when he insisted on calling Jin just to meet up with them and every time Ueda simply sparkled at the thought of seeing Jin again when he mentioned the older. Everything was much clearer now and Kazuya didn’t know if he was supposed to be surprised or bitter about it. He wasn’t surprised upon Ueda being gay, he somehow had suspected it if not clearly realized but not admitting it. No, he was more surprised that his friend had gone behind his back and met with Jin and… had sex. And on top of that, he asked the other to lie for him. And this is where Kazuya felt more bitterness than surprise.
“So… I was right in the end.” Kazuya slowly remarked, looking everywhere but to Jin. “I’m glad you had great -” the younger grimaced “- sex. Does he know about us?” he then asked and met the older one’s eyes. Kazuya dismissed for now the idea of being lied to, he will use that ace later when necessary.
“I don’t think so.” Jin slowly replied, trying to remember every conversation he had with Ueda - which weren’t that many, considering the fact that they had spent most of their time in bed. “I didn’t tell him anything about us, just that we’re friends, we had a fight and now you won’t talk to me.” Jin smiled, feeling a little guilty. “I think he might suspect that I’m in love with you but he doesn’t know anything about you.”
“I see.” Kazuya said and detached himself from Jin. “You go and take your shower, I’ll call the guys to meet up, okay?” he smiled and gave a small squeeze to Jin’s arm. Kazuya knew that he cut their conversation abruptly, but he felt no need to continue anymore. It was for the best if they stopped here and let Kazuya think everything over and focus on his friends. Ueda was one of them, but he wasn’t sure about the others anymore. Something regarding them had faltered the moment Jin told him about his little affair with Ueda. He was in need for precautions again.
Jin slowly nodded, still seeming a little uncertain if he had done the right thing by telling the truth to Kazuya. But he wanted to be honest and he had tried from the beginning to not lie to Kazuya at all. Jin was aware of the fact that he had a somehow twisted personality and that few people could put up with him, that was why he was kind of grateful that Kazuya was still trying to understand him and didn’t abandon him from the first night - ignoring the fact that physically he couldn’t get away from Jin, he could had at least tried to block his mind and refuse any kind of conversation with the older. Jin also knew that he could be brutally honest sometimes and that got him a lot of troubles over the time. Now, he had managed to contain this urge of his, but it always seemed to come out when Kazuya was concerned.
He pecked Kazuya’s lips, tightening his hold on the younger’s for a few seconds before letting him go and detaching himself from Kazuya. He didn’t say anything more, just threw a last look at him and left the room, heading for the shower and leaving Kazuya alone to deal with his friends. He really hoped that they would all come - even if Jin wouldn’t really miss Koki.
Kazuya sighed heavily and sat down on his chair, looking a bit sad. He knew perfectly well that what he was feeling right now was the bitter disappointment which he had felt before. Somehow, he despised the fact that Ueda didn’t tell him anything and even went out with Jin but in the same he understood completely the need to hide something this private. But Ueda should have known better than to think Kazuya would judge him for the way he was. Ueda should have trusted him more as Kazuya had done a lot more than his friend has imagined. Yet again, who was he to ask Ueda what to tell and who to trust when Kazuya himself was hiding and not trusting anyone enough to share his problems, his addiction or his past? No, Kazuya knew better than to blame or to accuse when he was the worst out of them. That was why he decided he won’t say anything, he won’t claim anything to be said or explained to him… he’ll keep quiet like until now and pretend he never heard about Ueda being gay and having sex with Jin.
Because he had no right and he’ll never have.
Kazuya got out his phone and speed dialed his friends to ask them about tonight. After receiving enthusiastic answers about this meet-up, the younger couldn’t help but grin to himself. He had just finished talking with Junno and the boy had seemed more than delighted to go out with all of them. Even with his new pun, Kazuya’s smile didn’t fade. He stared at the phone for a few moments, thinking that tonight might came as an awesome one if everyone seemed this eager. In fact, he really hoped to be like this. He needed it to be this way. But he had to make one more call before finally feeling happy about tonight. The smile faded this time as he speed dialed the person whom had dreaded to talk with. It barely connected through when he heard Koki’s voice.
“Hey… it’s me.” He began with a false cheerful voice.
“I know it’s you, stupid. It appears on my screen.” Koki retorted half amused, half annoyed by Kazuya. It had passed a day since the younger didn’t contact him and not even returned his calls. He had gone to his place but there had been no one there. Koki had been scared, he had been worried and now Kazuya was calling to tell him it was him. Like he didn’t almost eat the phone since yesterday waiting for a simple call.
“Are you okay?” he asked instead of venting all his frustrations regarding the younger one’s absence.
“Yeah, don’t worry. Everything’s solved.” Kazuya answered and the other could sense anxiety over the phone.
“Then why didn’t you call earlier?” Koki couldn’t refrain that tinge of reproach. On the other side, Kazuya was biting onto his lower lip, unsure and fretful.
“I… was kinda busy.” He finally replied and almost heard a scoffing sound. He was waiting for Koki to have a fit of anger because he didn’t call but it never came. Instead all he received was a cold attitude layered with unspoken worries.
“So you’re really okay, then?”
“Yeah…”
There was a silence between the two of them, each one with his own thoughts and dreading to talk about them. In the end, it was Kazuya who broke the silence.
“I was wondering if you’d like to meet up tonight. Everyone’s coming, so… if you’d like to come…” Kazuya trailed off, feeling he was asking something more illegal or immoral than a simple meeting.
“So I’m the last to call?” Koki muttered, but didn’t let Kazuya to argue back. “Who’s coming?” he asked quickly.
“Uebo, Junno, Maru…” he made a pause and Koki had a nasty feeling about this. “…and Jin.” The younger breathed the words almost like he didn’t want his friend to hear them.
“You’re joking, right?!” But the silence was an answer too and Koki tried to calm himself down not really managing to. “That son of bitch has you trapped, Kazuya, and you do what?!! You go out with him and on top of this, you invite us too!! What for?? So we could protect you if he turns mad and wants to kill you?!”
Kazuya listened to Koki’s words, knowing that every bit of it was true, well except the part where he was expecting them to save him from Jin. That was an impossible task even for him. “It’s not like that…” he said on a small voice, wanting to end this call already.
“Then how is it?!” Koki raised his voice again, but tried to calm down. “Tell me, ‘cause I don’t know anymore. I don’t know …” there was a short intake of air on the other side of the phone and Kazuya tensed. “… I don’t know this Kazuya anymore.” Koki finally said and there was sadness, bitterness and disappointment.
“Koki, listen to me!” Kazuya asked, a tinge of despair in his voice. “I know there are things you can’t understand and I know I haven’t told you lots regarding me and Jin, but I am the same you know. I haven’t changed…” his voice subdued to a whisper, fear and plea in it.
And this only made Koki feel like he was the worst in all this. “Kazuya, I care for you. For God’s fucking sake, I love you, man!” he said to the younger, happy that they weren’t face to face because there were tears in his eyes. He didn’t know why, but he cared for the little turtle more than he ever cared for anyone. Koki considered him his best friend and seeing him trapped like that and doing nothing to change such a situation not only enraged him but also made him feel useless, powerless. If he wasn’t strong enough to protect the ones he cared about, then why was he even friends with them?
“I know…” Kazuya replied with a strangled voice, his heart in a tight clench. “I feel the same, but… this is something I have to deal with myself. I can’t have you involved, Koki.” He continued, wanting the other to understand and to simply be there for him.
“I’m already involved, Kazuya. By being your friend, by caring for you, I’m already involved.”
“Then come tonight!” the younger pleaded, snatching the chance he had been waiting for.
“I’m sorry…” came the answer and Kazuya bit onto his lower lip, feeling suddenly alone. “I can’t be there for you tonight.” Koki added, his voice broken and muffled. “I need… time to understand you.”
Kazuya wanted to say something but the tone had him stopped. Koki had hung up on him.
PART TWO