If you were gone, we would all be really, really sad. It would hurt us a lot. So please try to hang in there... :( If only because we all want you around... I know that's selfish on our (my) part but hey.
I'm pretty sure none of this meets my criteria for failing me. Quite the opposite, really. I feel like my inability to do anything except fling cheerful naiveté from afar has failed you.
Getting out and looking for jobs in my experience is always difficult. >_O Could always try a bookstore/comicstore. Loved working at Barnes & Noble forever ago. GameStop is great, but quite a bit more stress there overall.
I don't know you that well just yet, so that gives me some perspective here. Let me tell you what I see.
First up, to me, suicide as stupid and cowardly. Anyone can end their problems by killing themselves. But to solve those problems? To conquer them and surpass them? To look back when you're done and see what you've accomplished? THAT is power. THAT is something to be proud of. THAT is the path of someone who is worthy.
Your post implies that your problems center around money. And look what else you say--you're going job hunting. That sounds like trying to solve and conquer your problem to me. You also know what you do wrong, what holds your job hunting back. So fix it. You interview badly? Google interview tips and do some studying. Practice by having friends interview you. Go to interviews and practice for real. Put some effort into it and see what happens
( ... )
I've actually struggled with depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation for years. My problems really don't center on money. Well, right now they do, but there are much deeper-seeded problems.
Now, honestly, I don't expect you to read all of that. And really, it's boring, depressing crap, so I don't even encourage you to. But if you want to know, "What the hell is wrong with this dude?", that's the best place to start.
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I love you and care about you and will do whatever I can to help, if there's anything.
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First up, to me, suicide as stupid and cowardly. Anyone can end their problems by killing themselves. But to solve those problems? To conquer them and surpass them? To look back when you're done and see what you've accomplished? THAT is power. THAT is something to be proud of. THAT is the path of someone who is worthy.
Your post implies that your problems center around money. And look what else you say--you're going job hunting. That sounds like trying to solve and conquer your problem to me. You also know what you do wrong, what holds your job hunting back. So fix it. You interview badly? Google interview tips and do some studying. Practice by having friends interview you. Go to interviews and practice for real. Put some effort into it and see what happens ( ... )
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On the off-chance that you're curious, here is some suggested reading from my LJ starting in November when I started openly discussing my feelings and thoughts regarding suicide:
Two posts from 11/10/2008
11/13/2008
11/25/2008
12/19/2008
12/22/2008
Now, honestly, I don't expect you to read all of that. And really, it's boring, depressing crap, so I don't even encourage you to. But if you want to know, "What the hell is wrong with this dude?", that's the best place to start.
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