Fic: Steady As She Goes (24/86), Blue Cortina, dakfinv
Title: Steady As She Goes (24/86)
Author: dak
Word Count: 2041 this part; [44,115 overall]
Summary for Whole: After an accidental shooting at the station, Gene struggles to keep his team from tearing themselves apart.
Summary this Part: Gene talks to Sam.
Rating: still Blue-ish Cortina, uhm, what's slightly darker than blue?
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, violent imagery, minor drug use, mild sexual situations, self-harm for whole
Spoilers: none here; see each chapter for specific spoiler warnings
Pairing: mild Sam/Annie, Sam/Maya
Disclaimer: Belongs to BBC/Kudos
A/N: This part took me a little longer to post then I planned, but here it is finally! (Random note: If you look at the word "part" long enough, it sounds like a silly word. Or maybe that's just me.)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77 Part 78 Part 79 Part 80 Part 81 Part 82 Part 83 Part 84 Part 85 Part 86
Chris gently wrapped on the door before turning the handle and peaking inside. "Boss?"
It took Chris a second to realize he wasn’t being ignored, DI Tyler was just sleeping. Chris didn’t want to bother Sam while he slept, but he remembered when the Boss had sat by his bedside. It hadn’t bothered Chris.
He didn’t really look at his DI as he shuffled into the room and carefully sat in the chair. After pestering the Guv so much about visiting Sam, now that he was here Chris wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to do. He’d never known anyone who’d been in hospital before. Not even any of his grandparents, who were all still living happily in various parts of Northern England.
When he was finally tired of staring at the floor tiles he picked up his head and let his eyes fall on his DI’s pained face. Chris hadn’t been to visit Sam while he’d been in the coma, he’d been too busy healing himself, so he wasn’t sure if Tyler always looked like he was suffering or if this was something new.
He squirmed slightly in his chair. "Boss?" He wanted to wake him, just enough so that maybe Sam wouldn’t look so hurt. When Sam started to turn Chris thought he was coming round. Instead he mumbled something, speaking to a dream. Chris watched as his breathing became more labored, his face twisting and tightening in an increasing expression of pain.
Chris swallowed and cautiously left the chair, stepping close to the bed. He wanted to shake Sam awake, but was afraid to touch him. "DI Tyler, sir?"
Sam still slept, but twisted uncomfortably towards the sound of Chris’ voice. His arms pushed away the sheets that covered his body. Noticing the Boss did look a little warm Chris thought he’d help and pulled down the sheet.
That’s when he noticed Tyler’s wrists. Ray had told him all of Sam’s injuries, at least he promised he had. He never mentioned anything about his wrists. Of course Ray could have forgotten some of the minor ones, like rope burns from how the kidnappers had tied him up. Still, Chris couldn’t remember seeing those bandages the other night. Though he had been tipsy, so he could’ve just missed them, but DI Tyler had been in hospital nearly a month. Something as simple as rope burns should have healed by now, well, healed enough so they wouldn’t need bandages.
Chris didn’t realize how tight he was holding the bed rail. He didn’t even know there was a bed rail. His bed never had a rail. He let go of the metal and let his hands slide away. As they did they bumped something else on the rail. It was partially attached to the bed and Chris held the other part in his hands, running his fingers back and forth over the leather.
He looked from the strap to DI Tyler to the Boss’ wrists. He recalled the Guv and Ray’s unusual glances, Annie’s nervousness. Everything clicked into place. Chris dropped the strap and ran out of the room.
The Guv was right. He never should have come here.
*
Sam’s eyes shot open as the door slammed shut. Seeing no one he figured it must have been that damned nurse again. At least she had left the covers off him this time, Sam noticed as he adjusted his position on the bed.
He moved all of two seconds before letting his body collapse into the mattress. Most of his injuries had healed while he was in the coma, thank god, but after four weeks of disuse his body had become old and tired. Sam hated it. Oh how he wished he could go for a jog. Probably be months before that ever happened.
Sam rubbed his hands over his face, trying to stamp out the latest nightmare which had invaded his sleep. It must have been remnants of the concussion. That had to be the reason his dreams were so real, so vivid.
This time it had been images of himself as a boy running away from a monster, desperately sprinting towards his father. As he had gotten closer to his father, the monster had gotten closer to him. It wasn’t until he’d found himself in his father’s embrace that he realized his father and the monster were one in the same. Only then it was too late and the monster’s claws had started tearing him apart.
Annie was going to have loads of fun analyzing him, Sam thought grimly.
He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. The low-grade fever he was running made everything slightly more hazy and slightly more painful. He relaxed his muscles, steadied his breathing, let his mind slowly drift away. Away from the fever, and from the pain, and...
Sam jerked awake. Wasn’t he supposed to be getting something for the pain? The day or so he’d been awake Dr. Jayne had stopped by at least three or four times and given him his medication. The doctor still hadn’t seen him once since...since his mishap.
No doctor, no meds. He might have visited Sam while he was asleep. Maybe that was who had slammed the door? No. No, Dr. Jayne hadn’t been by. If he had, he hadn’t administered any medication. Sam didn’t know how he knew, he just did. He hadn’t received his medication, and he needed his medication.
Sam tried to relax again. He’d be by. The doctor would be by. He just had to be patient. A good, patient patient. He folded his hands across his stomach and forced his eyes closed. He let himself forget about the hospital, the absent doctor, the agitating nurse. He kept still, absolutely still, willing his body to rest.
He was going to fall asleep if it killed him.
*
"So Guv. How yeh goin’ to do this?"
"Like so, Sergeant Carling."
Gene flung open the doors of St. Mary’s and stomped inside with great purpose. Ray followed behind, bowing his head to hide the smirk his mouth had formed while he watched the various hospital employees cower and whisper as Gene marched past them, every inch the Sheriff.
They made it all the way to Sam’s door before anyone dared stop them.
"Oh no you don’t." What, in Ray’s mind, must have been the ugliest nurse in Manchester, if not the ugliest woman, stood directly in their path, one hand on her hip, the other pointing at Gene. "Dr. Jayne told me about you. You’re not supposed to be anywhere near this hospital, let alone that boy."
Gene straightened himself to his full height, stuck out his chin, and crossed his arms. The nurse showed a hint of fear but held her ground. "On whose authority?"
"Dr. Jayne’s."
"Can I see the paperwork?"
Ray shot his Guv a surprised look.
The nurse stumbled in her secure stance. "Paperwork?"
"The court order Doctor Who here should have that says I am banned from this hospital."
"Well he--"
"Doesn’t have one, does he? Looks like we’re free to do as we please then, don’t it Raymondo?"
"Believe you’re right, Guv," agreed a still shocked Ray.
Gene stretched out one arm and pushed the woman aside.
"But you can’t!" She protested.
Gene and Ray ignored her as they finished the walk to Sam’s door.
"If I might say so, Guv, I think you’ve been spendin’ too much time with the Queen Fairy of Hyde."
Gene scowled down at Ray.
"I mean, Detective Inspector Tyler. Sir."
Gene rested his hand on the door knob. "Carling, if I ever question you on proper procedure or make you finish your paperwork ‘fore headin’ off to the pub, I give you permission to shoot me."
"Wilco Guv."
"We only need one proper paper-pushing ponce round here. An’ even if Tyler...well rest assured it damn well won’t be me."
"He’ll probably want this whole file reordered or summat before he even looks at the case," Ray held up the papers in his hands. Gene smirked in agreement and pushed open the door.
"You’re not the doctor! Where the fuck is my goddamn doctor?" Sam sat up on the bed, on his knees, hyperventilating. "Why can’t anyone find that stupid piece of shit? Goddamn it!"
Gene shut the door. He and Ray stood silently in the corridor.
"This how we was last night?" Gene asked, breaking the awkward silence.
"More or less."
Gene pulled out a flask, took a swig, and stuffed the container back in his pocket. "Stay here."
Ray said nothing as Gene reopened the door and disappeared from sight.
Gene calmly closed the door behind him, then turned to stare at Sam who had collapsed forward on the bed, hands and knees barely keeping his frail frame aloft. "You alright Tyler?"
"I need...my doctor," Sam breathed heavily.
"Why do you want to see that worthless quack?" Gene asked, keeping his voice steady and even.
Sam pulled his knees and hands towards him til he was in a ball, rocking back and forth. "He...he has my meds. He has them...and he hasn’t given them to me."
Gene’s eyes glazed over, his body becoming extraordinarily still. He moved mechanically over to the bed and put his hands on Sam’s shoulders. "You don’t need them Sam."
"Yes. Yes...I do!" Sam pleaded with Gene.
Gene gently pushed Sam up and back, trying to untangle the thin man’s body. "Lie back. That’s it. Lie back, Sammy." Sam didn’t have any strength to fight. The brief burst of adrenaline was fading, leaving him tired and weak. Once Sam was lying down, Gene pulled up the chair and sat down himself. He kept one hand on his DI’s arm. "Sam? Sam look at me." Sam wouldn’t turn his head, so Gene did it for him. "You don’t need them." He emphasized every word.
"But--"
"You don’t. I’d never lie to you Sammy-boy."
"I know. I was going to say...what do you know about medicine?"
Gene smiled sullenly and withdrew his hand, brushing it through his hair.
"What is it? Gene..."
"The drugs you were on, to bring you out of the coma." Gene stopped and decided to light a cigarette.
"What-what about them?" Sam asked, and damn it if he didn’t look like a puppy, staring up at Gene with those desperate hazel eyes.
"They were amphetamines, Sam."
Gene saw the dawning of realizing grace Sam’s features.
"Shit...shit....withdrawal," he whispered.
" ‘Fraid so." Gene leaned back in the chair.
"Shit...I hate drugs," he whined.
Some little animal that had been gnawing at Gene’s insides since he discovered the doctor’s "treatment," since before then when he’d seen Sam vomit those pills, suddenly keeled over and died. Sam hated drugs. Despite all he’d been through, Sam still hated drugs.
"Shouldn’t be too bad you know. Were only on ‘em a few weeks. Few days you’ll be fine."
Sam looked down at his wrists. "Is that why..."
"Yes."
"But-"
"Yes," Gene said more forcefully. "End of story."
"I didn’t mean to..."
"It’s over, Sam."
"I didn’t want to hurt y-"
"I said it’s over."
Sam pouted and sighed. Gene knew he wanted to talk about it, wanted to talk to him about it, but Gene couldn’t. He didn’t do that. That’s what the plonk was for. Let her handle it. Gene couldn’t do it. He just...he couldn’t.
"So only a few days?" Sam asked hopefully.
"Yes."
"And until then?"
Gene stubbed out his cigarette and went to the door. Without a word he opened it, grabbed something, and shut it again. Sam suddenly had a file thrust into his hands. "Seeing’s how you love ‘em so much." Gene sat back down in the chair as Sam started flipping through the papers. "Got a little work for you. If you’re up to it."
*
"Night Phyllis! Night Nelson!" Annie called as she left the pub. It was a cool, clear night. The perfect kind for a mind-clearing walk home, but she’d barely gotten two steps from the door when a figure stepped in front of her.
Chris emerged from the shadows, grief and confusion etched across his face. "Why din’t you tell me?"
__________
Part 25
Author: dak
Word Count: 2041 this part; [44,115 overall]
Summary for Whole: After an accidental shooting at the station, Gene struggles to keep his team from tearing themselves apart.
Summary this Part: Gene talks to Sam.
Rating: still Blue-ish Cortina, uhm, what's slightly darker than blue?
Warnings: angst, swearing, violence, violent imagery, minor drug use, mild sexual situations, self-harm for whole
Spoilers: none here; see each chapter for specific spoiler warnings
Pairing: mild Sam/Annie, Sam/Maya
Disclaimer: Belongs to BBC/Kudos
A/N: This part took me a little longer to post then I planned, but here it is finally! (Random note: If you look at the word "part" long enough, it sounds like a silly word. Or maybe that's just me.)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Part 51 Part 52 Part 53 Part 54 Part 55 Part 56 Part 57 Part 58 Part 59 Part 60 Part 61 Part 62 Part 63 Part 64 Part 65 Part 66 Part 67 Part 68 Part 69 Part 70 Part 71 Part 72 Part 73 Part 74 Part 75 Part 76 Part 77 Part 78 Part 79 Part 80 Part 81 Part 82 Part 83 Part 84 Part 85 Part 86
Chris gently wrapped on the door before turning the handle and peaking inside. "Boss?"
It took Chris a second to realize he wasn’t being ignored, DI Tyler was just sleeping. Chris didn’t want to bother Sam while he slept, but he remembered when the Boss had sat by his bedside. It hadn’t bothered Chris.
He didn’t really look at his DI as he shuffled into the room and carefully sat in the chair. After pestering the Guv so much about visiting Sam, now that he was here Chris wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to do. He’d never known anyone who’d been in hospital before. Not even any of his grandparents, who were all still living happily in various parts of Northern England.
When he was finally tired of staring at the floor tiles he picked up his head and let his eyes fall on his DI’s pained face. Chris hadn’t been to visit Sam while he’d been in the coma, he’d been too busy healing himself, so he wasn’t sure if Tyler always looked like he was suffering or if this was something new.
He squirmed slightly in his chair. "Boss?" He wanted to wake him, just enough so that maybe Sam wouldn’t look so hurt. When Sam started to turn Chris thought he was coming round. Instead he mumbled something, speaking to a dream. Chris watched as his breathing became more labored, his face twisting and tightening in an increasing expression of pain.
Chris swallowed and cautiously left the chair, stepping close to the bed. He wanted to shake Sam awake, but was afraid to touch him. "DI Tyler, sir?"
Sam still slept, but twisted uncomfortably towards the sound of Chris’ voice. His arms pushed away the sheets that covered his body. Noticing the Boss did look a little warm Chris thought he’d help and pulled down the sheet.
That’s when he noticed Tyler’s wrists. Ray had told him all of Sam’s injuries, at least he promised he had. He never mentioned anything about his wrists. Of course Ray could have forgotten some of the minor ones, like rope burns from how the kidnappers had tied him up. Still, Chris couldn’t remember seeing those bandages the other night. Though he had been tipsy, so he could’ve just missed them, but DI Tyler had been in hospital nearly a month. Something as simple as rope burns should have healed by now, well, healed enough so they wouldn’t need bandages.
Chris didn’t realize how tight he was holding the bed rail. He didn’t even know there was a bed rail. His bed never had a rail. He let go of the metal and let his hands slide away. As they did they bumped something else on the rail. It was partially attached to the bed and Chris held the other part in his hands, running his fingers back and forth over the leather.
He looked from the strap to DI Tyler to the Boss’ wrists. He recalled the Guv and Ray’s unusual glances, Annie’s nervousness. Everything clicked into place. Chris dropped the strap and ran out of the room.
The Guv was right. He never should have come here.
*
Sam’s eyes shot open as the door slammed shut. Seeing no one he figured it must have been that damned nurse again. At least she had left the covers off him this time, Sam noticed as he adjusted his position on the bed.
He moved all of two seconds before letting his body collapse into the mattress. Most of his injuries had healed while he was in the coma, thank god, but after four weeks of disuse his body had become old and tired. Sam hated it. Oh how he wished he could go for a jog. Probably be months before that ever happened.
Sam rubbed his hands over his face, trying to stamp out the latest nightmare which had invaded his sleep. It must have been remnants of the concussion. That had to be the reason his dreams were so real, so vivid.
This time it had been images of himself as a boy running away from a monster, desperately sprinting towards his father. As he had gotten closer to his father, the monster had gotten closer to him. It wasn’t until he’d found himself in his father’s embrace that he realized his father and the monster were one in the same. Only then it was too late and the monster’s claws had started tearing him apart.
Annie was going to have loads of fun analyzing him, Sam thought grimly.
He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. The low-grade fever he was running made everything slightly more hazy and slightly more painful. He relaxed his muscles, steadied his breathing, let his mind slowly drift away. Away from the fever, and from the pain, and...
Sam jerked awake. Wasn’t he supposed to be getting something for the pain? The day or so he’d been awake Dr. Jayne had stopped by at least three or four times and given him his medication. The doctor still hadn’t seen him once since...since his mishap.
No doctor, no meds. He might have visited Sam while he was asleep. Maybe that was who had slammed the door? No. No, Dr. Jayne hadn’t been by. If he had, he hadn’t administered any medication. Sam didn’t know how he knew, he just did. He hadn’t received his medication, and he needed his medication.
Sam tried to relax again. He’d be by. The doctor would be by. He just had to be patient. A good, patient patient. He folded his hands across his stomach and forced his eyes closed. He let himself forget about the hospital, the absent doctor, the agitating nurse. He kept still, absolutely still, willing his body to rest.
He was going to fall asleep if it killed him.
*
"So Guv. How yeh goin’ to do this?"
"Like so, Sergeant Carling."
Gene flung open the doors of St. Mary’s and stomped inside with great purpose. Ray followed behind, bowing his head to hide the smirk his mouth had formed while he watched the various hospital employees cower and whisper as Gene marched past them, every inch the Sheriff.
They made it all the way to Sam’s door before anyone dared stop them.
"Oh no you don’t." What, in Ray’s mind, must have been the ugliest nurse in Manchester, if not the ugliest woman, stood directly in their path, one hand on her hip, the other pointing at Gene. "Dr. Jayne told me about you. You’re not supposed to be anywhere near this hospital, let alone that boy."
Gene straightened himself to his full height, stuck out his chin, and crossed his arms. The nurse showed a hint of fear but held her ground. "On whose authority?"
"Dr. Jayne’s."
"Can I see the paperwork?"
Ray shot his Guv a surprised look.
The nurse stumbled in her secure stance. "Paperwork?"
"The court order Doctor Who here should have that says I am banned from this hospital."
"Well he--"
"Doesn’t have one, does he? Looks like we’re free to do as we please then, don’t it Raymondo?"
"Believe you’re right, Guv," agreed a still shocked Ray.
Gene stretched out one arm and pushed the woman aside.
"But you can’t!" She protested.
Gene and Ray ignored her as they finished the walk to Sam’s door.
"If I might say so, Guv, I think you’ve been spendin’ too much time with the Queen Fairy of Hyde."
Gene scowled down at Ray.
"I mean, Detective Inspector Tyler. Sir."
Gene rested his hand on the door knob. "Carling, if I ever question you on proper procedure or make you finish your paperwork ‘fore headin’ off to the pub, I give you permission to shoot me."
"Wilco Guv."
"We only need one proper paper-pushing ponce round here. An’ even if Tyler...well rest assured it damn well won’t be me."
"He’ll probably want this whole file reordered or summat before he even looks at the case," Ray held up the papers in his hands. Gene smirked in agreement and pushed open the door.
"You’re not the doctor! Where the fuck is my goddamn doctor?" Sam sat up on the bed, on his knees, hyperventilating. "Why can’t anyone find that stupid piece of shit? Goddamn it!"
Gene shut the door. He and Ray stood silently in the corridor.
"This how we was last night?" Gene asked, breaking the awkward silence.
"More or less."
Gene pulled out a flask, took a swig, and stuffed the container back in his pocket. "Stay here."
Ray said nothing as Gene reopened the door and disappeared from sight.
Gene calmly closed the door behind him, then turned to stare at Sam who had collapsed forward on the bed, hands and knees barely keeping his frail frame aloft. "You alright Tyler?"
"I need...my doctor," Sam breathed heavily.
"Why do you want to see that worthless quack?" Gene asked, keeping his voice steady and even.
Sam pulled his knees and hands towards him til he was in a ball, rocking back and forth. "He...he has my meds. He has them...and he hasn’t given them to me."
Gene’s eyes glazed over, his body becoming extraordinarily still. He moved mechanically over to the bed and put his hands on Sam’s shoulders. "You don’t need them Sam."
"Yes. Yes...I do!" Sam pleaded with Gene.
Gene gently pushed Sam up and back, trying to untangle the thin man’s body. "Lie back. That’s it. Lie back, Sammy." Sam didn’t have any strength to fight. The brief burst of adrenaline was fading, leaving him tired and weak. Once Sam was lying down, Gene pulled up the chair and sat down himself. He kept one hand on his DI’s arm. "Sam? Sam look at me." Sam wouldn’t turn his head, so Gene did it for him. "You don’t need them." He emphasized every word.
"But--"
"You don’t. I’d never lie to you Sammy-boy."
"I know. I was going to say...what do you know about medicine?"
Gene smiled sullenly and withdrew his hand, brushing it through his hair.
"What is it? Gene..."
"The drugs you were on, to bring you out of the coma." Gene stopped and decided to light a cigarette.
"What-what about them?" Sam asked, and damn it if he didn’t look like a puppy, staring up at Gene with those desperate hazel eyes.
"They were amphetamines, Sam."
Gene saw the dawning of realizing grace Sam’s features.
"Shit...shit....withdrawal," he whispered.
" ‘Fraid so." Gene leaned back in the chair.
"Shit...I hate drugs," he whined.
Some little animal that had been gnawing at Gene’s insides since he discovered the doctor’s "treatment," since before then when he’d seen Sam vomit those pills, suddenly keeled over and died. Sam hated drugs. Despite all he’d been through, Sam still hated drugs.
"Shouldn’t be too bad you know. Were only on ‘em a few weeks. Few days you’ll be fine."
Sam looked down at his wrists. "Is that why..."
"Yes."
"But-"
"Yes," Gene said more forcefully. "End of story."
"I didn’t mean to..."
"It’s over, Sam."
"I didn’t want to hurt y-"
"I said it’s over."
Sam pouted and sighed. Gene knew he wanted to talk about it, wanted to talk to him about it, but Gene couldn’t. He didn’t do that. That’s what the plonk was for. Let her handle it. Gene couldn’t do it. He just...he couldn’t.
"So only a few days?" Sam asked hopefully.
"Yes."
"And until then?"
Gene stubbed out his cigarette and went to the door. Without a word he opened it, grabbed something, and shut it again. Sam suddenly had a file thrust into his hands. "Seeing’s how you love ‘em so much." Gene sat back down in the chair as Sam started flipping through the papers. "Got a little work for you. If you’re up to it."
*
"Night Phyllis! Night Nelson!" Annie called as she left the pub. It was a cool, clear night. The perfect kind for a mind-clearing walk home, but she’d barely gotten two steps from the door when a figure stepped in front of her.
Chris emerged from the shadows, grief and confusion etched across his face. "Why din’t you tell me?"
__________
Part 25