Series Title: In his eyes, I find forever (13/13)
Title: In his eyes, I find forever (13/13)
Pairings: Takabu (hinted/one-sided), YabuHika (hinted, one-sided)
Warnings: A little too angsty at times?
Genre: Romance/Angst
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Yeah...well...I wish I owned them! T_T, but I don't. *DREAM IS SHATTERED!*
Summary: The storyline starts from when the original Hey!Say!7 guest-starred on Shounen Club and moves on from there. It’s a Takaki-centric fic that follows him from the previously mentioned point on as he experiences the pros and cons of being one of the oldest members of the then-newly-formed Hey!Say!JUMP and his interactions with his new bandmates, particularly one Yabu Kota.
Previous chapters:
Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight , Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve
He didn’t know what to do.
“Shoon isn’t the one I like, you idiot!”
A week had passed and not one day had gone by without Takaki thinking about Yabu. Remembering how he had walked Yabu into a corner without caring about what the other boy thought, how jealous he had been without thinking things through in some form of rational manner, how the other boy had fled the moment those words had left his mouth.
And how he had made Yabu cry.
Only days after making that promise to himself to never let anyone hurt the boy again, Takaki had broken his word. And it wasn’t just anyone who had hurt Yabu this time.
It had been him.
[~/-/~]
“Yabu’s quieter than ever these days,” Daiki said casually, dangling his feet over the diving board edge and watching his toes as they made ripples through the water. “Isn’t that weird?”
Takaki closed his eyes. “Not now, Dai-chan. Not on vacation.”
“But you’ll never want to think about it if you keep on making excuses,” Daiki replied. “Don’t you want things to be okay between you two?”
“It’s my fault to begin with, Daiki,” Takaki whispered. “I’m the one who broke him. I’m the one who hurt him. All this time, Yabu’s been protecting me. It’s never been the other way around. And the one time he ever really needed me, I broke him. How can I ever face him again?”
Daiki looked at him long and hard. “Why aren’t you willing to fight for what you have?”
[~/-/~]
“He won’t want to talk to me,” Takaki said the next day, perched high up in his favorite tree.
“Yes, he will. Yabu talks to everyone,” Daiki replied, just one branch below.
“He doesn’t talk to me. At least, not anymore.”
“Yabu’s busy. We’re all busy. Don’t worry about that.”
“He hates me.”
“Are you really going to let that stop you?”
“What if he doesn’t accept my apology?”
Daiki sighed. “Isn’t that better than not trying at all?”
[~/-/~]
“I hurt him.”
“You didn’t mean to.”
“I used him.”
“He doesn’t hate you for depending on him.”
“I ruined things between him and Hikaru.”
“You didn’t do anything. Yabuhika’s just one of those things that no one can touch.”
“I made him cry.”
“You make him laugh too.”
“He hates me.”
“He loves you.”
[~/-/~]
“Do it at the next rehearsal.”
“That soon?”
“Yeah, that soon. Were you seriously going to put it off any longer?”
“It hasn’t been that long.”
“Trust me, it’s been that long.”
“Do you think he’ll forgive me?”
“I think he’ll listen to what you say.”
“What if he doesn’t really like me?”
“He likes you, believe me. But he’s trying to protect himself. You just have to show him that he doesn’t have to be afraid of you.”
“I don’t know if I can do this, Daiki.”
“Yuya, I know you can do this.”
“Why?”
“Because otherwise, you’ll lose him.”
[~/-/~]
Yabu whirled around the moment he saw Takaki crash to the ground, the door slamming shut immediately after.
“You okay?” The older boy asked, helping his fellow BEST member to his feet.
“A little shaken up but I’m fine,” Takaki replied, rubbing his forehead warily. “Daiki, I swear….wait, what are you doing here?”
“Let’s just say that the oden was a lie,” Yabu murmured glumly.
“Hikaru tricked you?”
“Yup.”
“No surprise.”
“Obviously.”
“We’re locked in, aren’t we?”
“Obviously.”
He wanted to grin. For a moment there, it felt almost as if things were normal again. Almost as if it was a month ago and Yabu was swinging his legs back and forth while they sat on the rooftop, a strawberry pocky in his hand and that beautiful smile on his lips.
It made him feel normal again.
It made him feel like he had a chance.
“Their methods are a little…unorthodox, I know.” Takaki began hesitantly.
“Locking two people in a room for no apparent reason is a little unorthodox?”
“They have a reason…and it’s not a bad one.”
“Takaki…”
“Come on, Yabu, can’t we at least try and talk?”
And like that, it was gone, replaced by the same sad eyes and slight frown that had been haunting his every waking moment for the past week and a half. “What is there to talk about?”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not.”
“You told me that day that Shoon wasn’t the one that you liked,” Takaki took a step forward. “Who did you mean?”
“That’s not really your business, is it?” Yabu took a step back.
“Of course it is. Stop playing games with me.” Another step forward.
“You know I don’t play games.” A step back.
“Because you always lose them.”
“Point taken.” With that, Takaki had him cornered against the wall.
He looked up at the older boy. For all his bravado, for all his confidence, Yabu didn’t look like a normal, healthy seventeen-year-old. Only one or two (officially three, according to the Jimusho website) centimeters taller than Takaki himself yet slumping as though he was twenty centimeters shorter, thin to the point of anorexia (Takaki knew a lot of girls who could only dream of having Yabu’s problems with actually gaining weight but this was insane), eyes baggy and red-rimmed (but somehow more beautiful than anything he had ever seen)…He hated to say it but Yabu looked horrible. Takaki frowned, his fingers ghosting over the other boy’s features. He always did hate how fragile his friend was.
“Takaki,” Yabu whispered, sweat glistening on his skin and arms shaking like leaves on the wind.
Takaki couldn’t believe that in a mere week, he had forgotten how beautiful the boy really was. But that was the kind of flawless that Yabu Kota was. He was the definition of beauty, the kind that was lost on a small glance, but seemed to shine brighter and brighter the longer you looked at it.
“Takaki, stop…” Yabu tried again, his eyes widening as Takaki got closer still.
“Shut up, Yabu.” With that, he kissed him.
[~/-/~]
Only to be pushed off mere seconds later.
“What the hell was that?” Yabu hissed, scrambling away from him. “Are you out of your mind?”
“You weren’t complaining,” Takaki replied, his heart still racing. I was actually able to do it. Even if it was only for two seconds…I was able to kiss Yabu Kota.
“I was too busy trying to get you off of me,” Yabu said, backing away even farther. “Don’t you get the meaning of ‘stop’?”
“I don’t get it,” Takaki frowned, following him. “Why are you fighting this?”
“Because I don’t want this! How many different ways do I have to spell this out before you actually get it?”
He stopped. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not.”
“You like me.”
“Not true.”
“You’re lying.”
“Like you care.”
“I like you.”
“Now you’re lying.”
“Why are you running away?”
“Why can’t you see me for who I am?”
[~/-/~]
“What do you mean?” Takaki tried again. “Of course, I see you for who you are. You’re Yabu Kota, the boy wonder, the amazing singer, the leader extraordinaire, the idol of JUMP. Hundreds of girls love you. Hundreds of boys want to be you. I want you.”
“No, you don’t,” Yabu replied, his voice shaking more and more with each passing second. “You just want that Yabu. You don’t want the real one. He’s too broken for anyone to want.”
Two months ago, that might have stung a little bit. But to hear that from Yabu of all people…it hurt like nothing he had ever felt before. “That’s a lie and you know it.”
“Why else are you always forgetting how I feel? Why else are you always leaning on me for support? Why else are you always running me over on the way to do the door?”
“Yabu, you know I didn’t mean it.”
“Yeah, I do. And that’s what makes it harder.” A tear slipped down Yabu’s face. “You don’t like me because of who I am. You like me because of who you want me to be.”
[~/-/~]
This wasn’t what he wanted it.
Takaki hadn’t meant for this. He wanted his best friend, his hero, his comfort, his comrade back. He wanted the boy who would speak engrish in that squeaky little voice. The boy would dance with so much fire in his eyes and sing with so much passion in his soul. Who would watch the stars with him on the rooftop of his house and make a wish on every single one of them, hoping that somewhere along the line that at least one of them would come true. Who would take his hand and pull him out into a storm, twirling him around and around in a kaleidoscope of rain, laughter, and beautiful smiles. Who would hold him tightly when he cried and remind him that at least someone in this crazy business still cared about him, the real him.
He wanted the boy he loved.
He didn’t want to make Yabu break a little more.
[~/-/~]
“Yabu, you know that’s not true.”
“No, it’s perfectly true because that‘s who everyone wants. They always want the leader, the singer, the dancer, the guy who’s able to take charge of a situation and still be charismatic, even in the face of everything,” Yabu whispered, now crying in earnest. “But the second that they realize something was wrong, they dump me and moved on.”
This was killing him. There was no other way to express the gut wrenching feeling, the mind numbing torment coursing through him at Yabu’s words, Yabu’s pain. This was fucking killing him. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. They were right to leave,” Yabu shut his eyes, trying to regain some control of his emotions. “I mean, who could love me the way I am now? Who in their right mind would ever love someone as wretched as me?”
“I would.”
“Takaki, you don’t love me and you never could.”
“No, Yabu, I could and I do love you. Shouldn’t that count for anything?”
[~/-/~]
He hated the silence. He hated how still Yabu was, never sobbing, never moving. How he just stood there, the tears continuing to fall as his eyes met Takaki’s. How he couldn’t move a muscle to comfort him, despite how much he wished he could. But he hated the silence the most.
“Tell me how to make this right,” Takaki begged. “I don’t care if you say you don’t love me. I don’t care if you want to punch me, if you want to make me feel anything of how much pain you’re feeling right now. I don’t have to have to have the boy I love back if you don’t want me to. Just tell me how to make this right. Tell me how to get my best friend back.”
“I don’t know how to do that,” Yabu sighed. “Not after everything. I just want you to go.”
“You really mean that?”
“I really do.”
“Why?”
“I can’t do this. Not while things are like this between us.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way.”
“Yes, it does.”
“You’re lying. You like me.”
“I’m not. And I-I just want you to go.”
That’s when he heard it. That hint, that instance of his Kota. And that was the only thing that could make him say what he said next.
[~/-/~]
“Kiss me.”
“What?”
“Kiss me. Prove to me that you mean what you’re saying, that you think I don’t see you, that you don’t like me and that you want me to leave, and I’ll do what you want. I’ll hate myself for it but if you can prove that to me, I swear I’ll go,” Takaki reached out a hand hopefully, his fingers tracing the tear tracks on Yabu’s face. “But if you feel something, anything at all, I won’t stop kissing you. And I’ll never let you go again.”
“You’re not serious.”
“I mean it. Prove that you mean what you said and I’ll leave you alone. Forever.”
[~/-/~]
“…I knew you couldn’t do it.”
“I can too.”
Takaki’s voice quivered. “I don’t believe you.”
Yabu took a deep breath. “Believe me.”
Stepping forward, the older boy sighed heavily and pressed his lips to Takaki’s tentatively.
[~/-/~]
It was shy and hesitant and soft and oh, so very, very Yabu. And he loved every bit of it. The feeling of Yabu’s lips against his, his hand clutching his jacket innocently, his eyes a little open but mostly shut. Despite his stage persona, his confidence on the screen, Yabu Kota was one of the gentle, timid souls he had ever known.
There was something truly beautiful about that.
All too soon, he felt Yabu begin to pull away. Not yet, Takaki wanted to say. I’m not letting you go just yet.
Yabu gasped as Takaki wrapped one of his hands around the back of his neck and pulled him even closer to him. He pressed his head further against the older boy and both heard and felt that amazing moan reverberate through his body. Another one soon followed, even more glorious than the first.
God, Yabu was a drug.
The hand at the back of the BEST leader’s neck tightened even more as Takaki wrapped his other hand around his back and pulled the boy even closer to him. In the back of his head, he supposed Yabu was only letting this go on because he was too surprised to do this. Hell, even he was surprised. If anyone had told him that he’d be kissing Yabu Kota in one of the Jimusho practice rooms two months ago, he would have died from the absurdity of it all.
Finally though, he had to break it off. He had to get some air sometime or else he would die.
But dying after this…that’s not such a bad thing.
Takaki was breathing heavily and leaning down on the older boy and couldn’t speak because god, Yabu had never looked more beautiful. His always-immaculate hair was mussed up in all the right places, his chest was heaving up and down, and his eyes were wide, hesitant, confused, angry, scared, and passionate all at the same time.
“I…you…what…” Takaki decided then and there: Yabu was adorable when he couldn’t string a sentence together.
“You’re thinking too much,” He replied, his lips crashing down on Yabu’s once more.
He didn’t get any resistance this time. Yabu even met him halfway, kissing him just as hard as Takaki was kissing him.
He didn’t know how he had gone so long without kissing Yabu Kota. The boy tasted of memories and strawberries, some sort of magical blend of danger and mystery that was simply narcotic. A groan escaped Yabu’s lips as Takaki slammed him against the wall behind them. God, he was addictive. He broke off the kiss and pressed his head against the older boy’s neck as the most amazing noise he had ever heard reverberate through the air.
“Yuya…” Yabu had never called him by his full first name before, not once. It was always ‘Takaki-kun’ or ‘Yu-chan’, never once Yuya.
It never had felt this good to hear his name, his full name, on someone else’s lips, to be pressed against someone and to just share a kiss, just a simple, raw, passionate kiss. No one had ever had this kind of effect on Takaki before, not even Rubi and he had thought he loved her once.
But Yabu, he thought, pulling the older boy into another kiss. Yabu is something entirely different.
Which made it all the more confusing when suddenly, the other boy pushed him away.
"Yabu..." The other boy was already ten feet away, smoothing out mussed up hair and pushing clothing back in its rightful place.
“You’re not listening to me, Takaki-kun,” Yabu replied. “We can’t do this now. Not while JUMP still needs us to watch over them and Shoon still needs me to keep him alive while Johnny figures out what he wants to do with him. Not while Hasshi and Kamei are just beginning to talk to you again, just beginning to see this entire thing for what it is and how it’s not our fault. Not while the juniors and JUMP still need a leader and while the outside world will always require us to be apart in order for things to run as smoothly as they can. And especially not while you still can’t see me for who I am.”
A few moments and so many words later, he was gone, leaving a confused Daiki and Hikaru at the door and a feeling of despair, of a forced goodbye, and of something akin of hope still ringing in Takaki’s ears.
[~/-/~]
“We can’t do this now. Not while JUMP still needs us to watch over them and Shoon still needs me to keep him alive while Johnny figures out what he wants to do with him. Not while Hasshi and Kamei are just beginning to talk to you again, just beginning to see this entire thing for what it is and how it’s not our fault. Not while the juniors and JUMP still need a leader and while the outside world will always require us to be apart in order for things to run as smoothly as they can. And especially not while you still can’t see me for who I am.”
“I don’t know what to say…”
“Do you really have to say anything?”
“Of course.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re my everything.”
[~/-/~]
“I’ll always be here, you know. I’m not going anywhere.”
“What if I can’t find you?”
“That’ll only be if you can’t figure out what you want.”
“And if I figure that out?”
“Then you’ll know where I am.”
“…Kota, you know I’d never stop looking for you, right?”
“Yes.”
“I promise I’ll find you.”
“I know you will.”
“I don’t know how long it’ll take me though.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Will you wait for me, Kota?”
“…forever, if I have to.”
A/N : Wow, this crept up on me fast.
I didn't think it would end this way. But apparently, it did. UNLESS, you guys tell me something different.
I'm offering up some options and checking to see which ones both are to my liking and are manageable with my schedule. If you have any other ideas, please let me know.
1) Let it finish like this. And just end it.
2) Let it finish like this. And then a couple omake chapters just to cover loose ends.
3. Let it finish like this and then create a full-blown sequel. There's a certain way that I know I can do this option and I'm not sure whether or not I should reveal it but it includes both Yabu and Takaki's POV's, a leap into the future a few months, and before that, a leap back in time.
4) Keep going. For some reason, while this ending is really good, it doesn't seem like the story has closure to me. I have a few ideas of where I could go from here but not many so this story would be ending in a couple chapters if I chose this option.
5) Any options you guys present.
I'll edit this A/N more depending on whether or not this chapter is actually the end. And I also am really tired, have two tests in the morning tomorrow and a football game and band practice from 2:30 to 10:00 tomorrow night. So I'll edit this A/N then.
Until then, ja ne!