i can not sleep ( Read more... )

i wanted to say a few things
but now i cant fucking remember what
maybe if i actually did drugs, instead of just carried them around in my pocket, id be more of a success at memory.

40 or 50, or did you slip 2 more in there somewhere
oh well, does it really matter
you know thats not why youre awake
what matters is
the point is its 6:18 am and youve got an hour and 12 minutes of hope left
you decide to just give up and play innocent bystander to your thoughts

( do not pass go, do not go beyond here, do not collect your 200 bucks, aka do not read beyond here unless you are extremely bored or a masochist )

i say this tentatively
and "knocking on wood" for its entirety

things are coming together
i have smoothed over life with the parentals
i am moving into anchorage this weekend
i do know, sort of.
know in that..universal self knowing bs kinda way.

i dont know

i wish i could say more but i dont feel more.

i need to get out of here and i know that. i know that more than i know anything, even 2+2.
life is on repeat, fuck it, eject.
my thoughts are so damned redundant
and not even necessarily negative
just fucking repetitive
i should have been born to anarchist bohemian parents
that would go a long ways in explaining

i like to sit at my computer scantily clad.
and watch brazil
and think of...times past

woke up this morning to blondies "one way or another" in my head
and bob between my arms
i dont know at what point he snuck into my bed
but his presence was much needed
--i think that my dogs my soulmate, what of it--ive therapy tonight, and for the first time since the beginning ( Read more... )

i cant even explain this weekend
so im not going to.
ill leave it at
it was great
and absolutely the most horrible...ever
im kicked out permanently (how many times has this happened in the past year)
somehow, my dad put a spine on and stood up for me
and thus..i still have a place to live.
and a life to lead
ha thats a joke.
not a funny one. dont

no ones speaking to me.
but you.
you listen to me like im dying
and dont treat me like im fragile.

thanks.