Pulsatilla | Chapter 12/? [Part One]
Pulsatilla
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: A complete mess was what Jung Yunho became after his beloved wife’s death. Trapped in a permanent state of isolation and loneliness, Yunho summons his knowledge on biology in hopes of recreating his wife in the form of an artificial human. However, the experiment goes terribly wrong and instead creates a male who has all his wife’s looks and qualities, one who he eventually decides to name ‘Jaejoong.’ Coping with the idyllic memories Jaejoong brings back of his wife, Yunho tries his best not to fall in love with his creation, knowing that the love he brings along is not the real thing-or is it?
Rated: PG-13 - NC-17
Warning(s): NC-17 material, language
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing(s): YunJae
Chapter 12: Fenêtres (Part One)
Definition: The Pulsatilla is a deciduous perennial flower native to Europe and Asia that grows in the leftover nutrients of a dead plant. It is usually grown to replace another plant. It is capable of curing diseases and may be used in remedies.
[Please leave your comments on part 2 of the chapter. I've disabled the comments on part 1]
F e n ê t r e s
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The colossal apartment building shook frantically from the storm, sounding like it was ready to shatter as the thunder roared continuously in the background. The rain splattered onto the large glass windows-which nearly looked naked without the attendance of curtains. Yunho thought it was rather poignant, having nothing to cover the windows so he could easily see the night view of the city whenever he wished. But now, with the rain immersing the windows, the scientist didn’t have a single thing to see-even if he was raised nearly fifty stories above the ground.
Putting aside the thunder, the apartment was considered quiet, too quiet in fact that Yunho wanted to scream out vociferously just to make a single wave of sound. In his mind however, Jaejoong’s angry voice still managed to pierce through his eardrums, rendering them numb while they nearly annihilated them. Although he had yelled back at the boy in the same voice, never had he thought that he had hurt Jaejoong as much as Jaejoong had hurt him. Seeing him storm out of the apartment contradicted his initial thoughts and made him notice that yes, it was crystal clear that the two of them couldn’t look at each other the same way ever again.
There was a part of him that had no intention of caring any less, yet, it rang loud and clear in his head that something he treasured so much in this mundane life was now gone. He didn’t know whether such a miraculous thing would reappear after the death of his wife, but a part of him doubted it greatly. Judging from Jaejoong’s bitter words earlier that evening, it seemed that he would never consider returning to his apartment. Since Jaejoong had just no where else to go, Yunho purposely denied the prediction to make himself feel better, if only for a temporal amount of time.
Having nothing much to do around the house with Jaejoong gone, Yunho wearily sank into the sofa, fetching the remote and turning on the TV in hopes that it would entertain him for few minutes. He flipped through the channels, catching glimpses of various dramas, news broadcasts, and variety shows, but couldn’t coerce himself into focusing on any particular one of them. Each time he tried to submerse himself into a television program, the thought of Jaejoong came back to his mind telling him that an intriguing TV show did not nearly have enough power to snatch his attention away. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t relinquish such a memorable face from his mind.
He tried closing his eyes for a while, but was proven unsuccessful as the boy reappeared time after time. It was as if the inside of his eyelids were painted with the portrait of Jaejoong, reminding him to never forget his face despite whether he held a grudge against him or not. Opening his eyes reluctantly, Yunho returned to the television program, taking a look at his watch every few seconds, wondering when Jaejoong was going to be back.
No matter how painful it was, Yunho tried his hardest to play the argument they previously constructed in his mind, attempting to dig up crucial details. Surely this whole conflict could’ve been avoided if Jaejoong didn’t follow him to the café in the first place, or better-if he himself hadn’t gone on the date to begin with and instead, spurned Yoochun’s request completely. Since both of their wrongdoings contributed to the perturbed yelling match, Yunho had no intention to blame himself for initiating it. If the two main factors didn’t arise, then Jaejoong would still be here, laying within his arms as thunder hollered in the background of their lovemaking.
If he was able to go back in time and do what he did differently, everything would be in perfect shape, allowing no unnecessary difficulties to plague their lives. But no matter how much he regretted what he did, Yunho understood that Jaejoong’s words were entirely genuinely-put. Even if he had decided not to go on the blind date and Jaejoong had decided not to stick his nose into his business, Yunho knew that the argument would make its appearance before them another time. Something so inevitable was bound to happen sooner or later, and he was partially relieved that he had gotten it over with sooner instead of suffering with it later, when he became even more infatuated with Jaejoong than he already was now.
Taking his own words into deliberation, Yunho inferred that perhaps he had only said them because he was controlled by his anger at the time. He would never, ever, say Jaejoong wasn’t valuable enough to be human or that he wasn’t the least bit real-not as long as his mind was in tact. Due to his unreserved aggravation minutes ago however, he had let the words fly out of his mouth, sending daggers straight into Jaejoong’s brittle heart.
His eyebrows began to furrow as he glanced at his watch once again. It was ten-thirty-which meant Jaejoong was gone for a little more than half-an-hour. A certain pain started to situate itself into his chest, calling itself ‘worry’ as it planned to conquer not only his heart and mind, but his entire body as well.
Why the hell does this feel so damn familiar? Yunho asked himself as his eyes returned to the television screen. Why does this feel like it had happened once before?
Then, as a car commercial played on the television screen, something hit him. This had happened before, in fact, it had happened to his very wife, Kim Seulki, who died that same, gloomy, rainy day. The two of them had had an argument over Yunho spending far too much time at work and not nearly putting enough attention to his marriage. It was the first time Seulki and he had ignited an argument as serious, and it was also the first time Seulki acted without thinking, storming down the stairs and arriving on the streets only to be struck by that spiteful, speeding storage truck. That day, the rain was falling just as hard, the thunder roaring just as loudly. Everything was ironically in the same exact place.
If everything was in place, then it only meant that Jaejoong would have to meet the same fate Seulki did.
Suddenly jumping up from his previously sluggish position on the sofa, Yunho grabbed a jacket from the nearby coat closet and seized the doorknob as quickly as he could, thinking that perhaps by acting faster, he would have more luck on finding Jaejoong. He ignored the television screen that was still on and rushed into the elevator as quickly as possible and descended down to the ground floor. He exited the lobby shouting Jaejoong’s name out like a mantra, hoping that at least he was still in the world. He ran out recklessly into the streets, not paying a grain of attention to the automobiles as it honked continuously at him, telling him to get out of the way. As he situated himself on the sidewalk across his apartment complex, Yunho called out Jaejoong’s name even louder, nearly shattering his voice box as his run became faster by each passing second. He didn’t care how utterly insane he looked, running at what seemed like the speed of light within the ferocious storm at a time in Seoul when it was rather dangerous to be roaming the streets alone. It was the strong longing-the irresistible desire to just see Jaejoong, if only for one last time. Yunho pleaded to be with him, to feel his fiery touch against his fingertips once again. Without Jaejoong by his side for the slightest second, Yunho felt that living life was like enduring a painful torture with no visible end.
He searched through street after street, forcing his eyes to peruse through every single thing. He recognized an eye-catching black-haired male standing in the doorway of a nearby market. His heart instantly sank however, when the man turned around and displayed no features close to Jaejoong’s. Choosing not to give up, Yunho coerced his shoes to carry him deeper into the town, hoping that he could at least catch a glimpse of Jaejoong.
To Yunho’s misfortune, he was nowhere in sight.
Yunho wanted to make himself feel better about the whole matter by telling himself that there were currently no car accidents which occurred on the streets-which proved the theory that Jaejoong had been run over by a storage truck invalid. On the other hand, convincing himself to feel better simply by using that detail did nothing to lift up his spirits, considering he didn’t sense Jaejoong’s presence, hear Jaejoong’s voice, or feel Jaejoong’s touch. He felt that something was clearly missing, and that he needed to get that something back before insanity seized his entire body.
Although he was exceedingly tired from the time-consuming run, Yunho chose to continue, feulled by an undefeatable passion to retrieve Jaejoong and to have him back at his side once more. He made a vow to himself to never sleep or stop searching before he knew where Jaejoong was and unsurprisingly, that’s just what he stuck to that night.
He couldn’t care less about the harsh wind and rain that splattered onto his face without mercy. He couldn’t care less that his limbs were begging him for rest, hoping that they would be granted with if only with a few mere seconds for rest. He couldn’t care less that his stomach was growling from the lack of proper food and advocated him to stop at a fast food joint to get at least something down his throat. All he ever cared about at the moment was Jaejoong. He didn’t have the time to care about anything else.
Yunho searched through the streets until he came to the grocery store (which was one of the places Jaejoong took a strange liking to). Running through the aisles of products foolishly, Yunho was struck with the same result as before: Jaejoong was nowhere to be found. Exiting the grocery store, Yunho’s weary legs brought him to Kim Junsu’s Piano Gallery, but was devastated to see that the store had already closed down for the night. With the two major places to find Jaejoong crossed off his list, Yunho had no idea what else to do other than to search the stores one by one, calling out Jaejoong’s name until his throat became entirely dry or until his voice box shattered into fragments of blood and veins.
The cold rain was forcing him to shiver, slowing down his blood flow and numbing his fingers. He could see his hot breath clearly before him-a vivid warning that reminded him to stop searching before he was struck with a terrible fever. Ignoring the devil on his shoulder that constantly told him to find comfort for himself, Yunho followed the angel’s words assiduously, keeping his eyes open for the beautiful boy he had just forced out of his door by using his pungent words that would’ve done damage to an entire army.
There was a part of Yunho that ridiculed himself mockingly as he reached a part of town that he was not familiar with. Jaejoong was not the only one lost at the moment, he himself had also gotten terribly lost and relinquished all sense of direction as he diligently focused on his only motive. Being lost with someone wasn’t wonderful, but it certainly wasn’t horrible either. Being lost by himself with no one to accompany him however, made Yunho’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, making his anger re-awaken.
He looked up at the dark sky, at the perpetuating rainfalls. If only the rain would stop falling and provide him with a clear sky, then perhaps he would have better luck finding Jaejoong amongst this frigid night. Tightening his fists, Yunho told himself that the rain was something not to worry about, and that he would be able to summon up all the strength to fuel the marathon (it seemed) he was trying to finish.
“Oh Jaejoong…” When a fraction of his voice was diminished, Yunho whispered his lover’s name affectionately, hoping he would be able to hear his reply, wherever he was. “Jaejoong… where are you?”
Following his voice’s footsteps, his knees began to buckle, weakening his muscles until they brought him to the ground. The frustration and pain that was created by his journey coerced his tears to fall nonstop, making his body shiver wildly in restlessness. His knees met the cold ground as his tears joined the puddles of rainwater below him. But despite everything else being merged together, he was still unable to rejoin with the partner that had stolen his heart without warning and ran out of the door rapidly with it in his palms.
If Jaejoong really had his heart clenched in his palms, Yunho wondered if the boy had kept it safe and sound in his possession, or, if he fell to his aggravation and disposed of it instantly. Yunho’s heart yearned for Jaejoong to reside with the former verdict, but was entirely contradicted when all the information in his mind suggested that it was more likely for Jaejoong to choose the latter. Shaking his head and trying to get rid of every single negative thought, Yunho was left with nothing else but the clear fact that in the end, it was he who had brought all this upon himself.
He opened his clenched fingers and examined his palms fastidiously. “Just what have I done?” He asked himself, wishing that something-anything-within him would be able to tell him what to do from this point on. Nevertheless, like searching for Jaejoong, he could not find a feasible nerve within him that had the guts to tell him how to advance from that point on.
Staring out into the space languidly, Yunho was nearly ready to give up. There was no strength left within his limbs, even if his motivation was at a godly level. If he had the power to, he would most definitely extract his heart from his body and force it to go look for Jaejoong. His heart after all, had the most strength out of all the other muscles within his body.
When nearly all seemed lost however, Yunho was struck with the melody of his cell phone’s ringtone, notifying him to pick up immediately.
Yunho’s eyes lit up with exuberance as he anticipated that Jaejoong was on the other line. Finally, after all this time of running through the rain, trying to find one person within another few million residing in Seoul, he was granted with a solution to all of his problems.
But, when he picked up the phone call, he was devastated to hear that it was not Jaejoong’s voice that appeared on the other side of the line.
The voice sounded highly cynical and sardonic as it reached Yunho’s ears. “Looking for someone?” It asked, making the hairs on the back of Yunho’s neck stand up unwillingly.
Knowing exactly what-or in this case, who-the stranger was referring to, Yunho felt cold sweat plummet down his back, putting his frozen body into a permanent state of shock. A thusand questions rushed through his mind within the same instant, all threatening him for answers. Who was this man? How did he know he was looking for someone in particular? And most of all, did this man have Jaejoong in captivation?
“Who the hell are you and what do you want with Jaejoong?” Yunho demanded rudely, letting his assumptions seize a tight grasp of him. “Where is he?” Yunho bellowed impulsively.
The man chuckled on the other end of the line. “Oh, don’t worry about Jaejoong. He’s safe and sound where he is.” The man claimed. “It’s you who’s in deep jeopardy.”
Yunho lifted an eyebrow, perplexed by the stranger’s words. “What do you mean?” He questioned in unreserved curiosity.
“You see Yunho, I’m Kang HyeSung and I work for the government.” The man’s low voice squeezed out.” Unfortunately for you, we know who Jaejoong is… or in this case, what he is.”
Yunho was unable to respond to his words, too petrified to move even a single muscle. If what the man said was true, then yes, he was in jeopardy. But that wasn’t all he wanted to know; in fact, he needed to know the process and the tactic the government used to discover the immutable truth.
“Judging by your silence, I think that by now, you’re irresolute whether you want to reveal the truth to us or not. But rest assured; your lies are not going to adulterate the information we’ve already found. That Jaejoong of yours-he’s not human, is he?” The government official asked. “In fact, he was created by you to replace a certain someone.”
Astonished by the man’s high knowledge on something so secretive and confidential, Yunho sought to remove the phone from his ears and smash it onto the floor so that the device was well-damaged. But considering the man had captivity over Jaejoong, Yunho needed to survive through the phone conversation if he ever wanted Jaejoong back in his possession.
He tried to remind himself that Jaejoong wasn’t an item-something to be owned and lost. But with the occurrences of tonight running wild in his mind, Yunho couldn’t help but admit that Jaejoong was indeed, a possession.
“I’ve figured you out, Yunho.” The government official, HyeSung disclosed. “Your wife died from a car crash, taking all the happiness you would ever have away from you. And like the desperate coward you are, you took her DNA into your possession, and tried to recreate her. It must’ve been horrible for you to realize you had instead created an utter monster in her place.”
Feeling his anger boil riotously, Yunho rashly raised his voice without any thinking. “Bastard! You have no idea what the hell you’re talking about!" He felt derided-humiliated by the man’s spiteful words. “Jaejoong is not a monster-he’s everything I want and more!”
“Ah… so you actually have feelings for this boy.”
Yunho frowned. “Didn’t your mother tell you not to be so nosy and peek into others’ businesses?”
The man laughed irreverently once again. “Oh Yunho, don’t worry. Having emotions for Jaejoong is not a horrid thing.” He persuaded. “Besides… it makes things a dozen times easier for us.”
The scientist lifted an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“You see, Yunho-sshi, we’re very grateful that you were able to create Jaejoong. For no scientist would’ve been able to make this discovery on his own. With Jaejoong, the country of South Korea can establish a project for the army, creating more ‘artificial’ humans exactly like Jaejoong to fill positions in armies and businesses.” He explained. “We’re currently running tests on Jaejoong to figure out how he was made and what makes him, him. But to figure him out completely, we need your help.”
Yunho was tremendously baffled. The man had planned to use his lover-his ultimate source of joy-for the government’s desires and to fulfil a scientific discovery. He would not possibly allow it!
“I am unwilling to cooperate.” Yunho denied the offer clearly and confidently. “I am not willing to let you use Jaejoong simply because you want to make a scientific discovery. I won’t let you run cruel tests on him that he is unwilling to sit through. And no, I will not cooperate because this is just downright sick.”
“Sick, is it?” HyeSung asked, incredulous. “Well, if you don’t agree to this sick task then no, don’t expect to see Jaejoong ever again.”
He wanted to scream, being threatened by the man and having no other choice but to yield to his request. Having Jaejoong taken away from him with no opportunity whatsoever to see him again meant death for a major part of him. If he agreed to the government’s request, he would at least have hope of getting him back eventually. He didn’t know when the government would be done with their experiment, but a part of him knew that it would take a significant amount of time before they were finally willing to let go of the valuable boy who held all the answers to their most profound of questions.
“You won’t hurt him, will you?” Yunho asked nervously, stuttering. “He’ll be perfectly fine, going through all those experiments, won’t he?”
There was a momentary silence on the other end of the line, telling Yunho that the man was in hesitation. “We can’t guarantee that.” He divulged after moments of thinking the scenario through. “We can’t promise that he will be in the same condition he’s in now when he’s released. But we will try our best to keep him alive.”
Try their best to keep him alive? Just what the hell did they mean by that? Was Jaejoong so fragile and delicate that he would shatter from a single touch? If that was the case, Yunho felt worse and worse about him agreeing to the government’s one-track demands.
He had to choose between two heart-wrenching choices: to never see Jaejoong again, or to see him, but see him being hurt first. Deciding to be as selfish as he possibly could be, Yunho chose the latter almost immediately, knowing that the first choice was just too agonizing to tolerate. He understood that he was being egotistic and pompous, but inside, all he wanted at the moment was to have Jaejoong back by his side, exhilarating him with his melodic laughs and his never-ending munificence.
“Fine.” Yunho agreed, having no other choice. “But I demand Jaejoong be kept safe and sound within your facility, and that I‘d be able to see him on a regular basis.”
The man agreed. “Of course.” He consented. “Besides, it is you yourself who will be a major contributor to the project.”
Yunho rolled his eyes, realizing it was he who eventually had to take part in this horrid experimentation. “I understand.” He claimed, wishing that as he took part in the experiments, he would at least be able to see Jaejoong’s face during his stay.
“Good.” The man sounded extremely satisfied. “We'll need you to arrive at the Seoul lab for biology and research first thing in the morning tomorrow. For now, try to get yourself some sleep and be prepared for the upcoming day.”
Yunho was bewildered. “But, can’t I see him now-”
“No.” The answer came almost a nanosecond later. “Don’t worry, he’ll be safe and sound where he is. And besides, seeing that he was on the streets by himself with tears on his face, I don’t think he has any intention to see you.”
Yunho felt that a hole had been created within his stomach, forcing him to feel as empty and as feeble as he possibly could. After all the trouble of running through the streets, trying to look for Jaejoong, he was struck with the fact that no, Jaejoong didn’t have any interest of returning to him ever again. In the end, everything felt so damn one-sided.
“All right then, I’ll be there.” Yunho declared all the while telling himself that everything was going to work out eventually. He hated himself for agreeing to governments requests, but knew that this was the only way to retrieve Jaejoong from them. He understood that it was only a matter of time before Jaejoong would return to him, bringing him back to the days when everything was so delightful and carefree.
The man on the other end hung up after a silent utterance of “good night,” informing Yunho that it was time to return to his apartment, attain sleep, and awake the next day to face his fears.
But he wasn’t finished yet-he was far from finished. He told himself that he needed to do a lot more tonight; that he shouldn’t retire to the penthouse just yet without Jaejoong by his side. He had no intention to sleep, no intention to let loose to permit his eyelids to fall before him. For the first time in his life, Yunho felt that the concepts of sleep and freedom weren't such valuable things after all.
He was still extremely curious about the whole situation-about how the government figured Jaejoong out in the first place. Pivoting his foot and directing his footsteps to another direction, Yunho decided to shove the questions into the back of his mind in hopes that he would be granted with answers eventually.
But out of the questions he was willing to leave for tomorrow, there was one question that he wished to know now.
Did Jaejoong still have the heart to love him, even after all this?
He wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. Besides, all the cumbersome turmoil that had arisen was carried out by him. In the end, the blame all came down to one single person.
He had made the same mistake, once again.
Onto Part 2
R é s u l t a t | A l i é n é | D é s o l é | B a i g n o i r e | M u s i q u e | N o c t u r n e 1 | N o c t u r n e 2 | J a l o u x | P e s a n t e u r 1 | P e s a n t e u r 2 | r ê v e | S o u p ç o n n e u x | M e n s o n g e | F e n ê t r e s 1 | F e n ê t r e s 2
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