[the muscles legacy] > 2.1
Catch up for extra credit:
[ 1.1 ] [ 1.2 ] [ 1.3 ] [ 1.4 ] [ 1.5 ] [ 1.6 ] [ 1.7 ] [ 1.8 ] [ 1.9 ]
[ 2.0 ]
[ downloads ]
Warning haiku time:
more than somewhat depressing
content ahoy. Yarr.
...no really, this update's a bit of a downer. D:
Last time on the Muscles legacy...
We had a moderately epic (and decidedly belated) Halloween party in which everybody got some.
Sens: I--I didn't want some!
Silence! Nobody asked you!
(damn I suck at even relatively frequent updates. D:)
Magnum got her point across. No, really.
Recent budget cuts forced us to...er, scrounge for some more colourful supporting cast members.
And after an inordinate number of years and kids, Sens finally put a ring on it.
I don't actually listen to Beyoncé, by the way. >_> I'm not sure why I end up quoting her most every update.
...no, seriously!
(Shut up, Max...you can still retain some of your Sims nerd cred if you just SHUT UP.)
Oh yeah, and GlaDos is suddenly a vengeful witch.
Premeditated and in-character turn or convenient plot device? You make the call.
And now, the continuation:
Sens: I don't know why we bothered buying patio tables just for this. No one's using them.
Yuuko: I know, dear. Perhaps we should have set an example and used them ourselves?
Sens: Oh, and eat with the proles? Bollocks.
Magnum: Thanks, Dad.
Sens/Yuuko: --oh shit.
Random Cheerleader from University: ...god, I shouldn't have gone to that frat party last night...
Eire: Oh, how neat! My glasses are resistant to mystical lights and make me look like a Far Side drawing!
Yuuko: Um...
Sens: Oh. Er...hey, GlaDos. Nice hat. Where'd you--
GlaDos: Shut your mouth, you goddamn--
GlaDos: You were mine!
Yuuko: Oh god, Sens!
GlaDos: You're next, bitch.
Yuuko: ...wait a sec, "you're next"? Wait one fucking second.
GlaDos: Excuse me--
Yuuko: --shut up. I'm speaking right now. I, the woman who raised your hideous illegitimate offspring--oh, she grew up rather pretty by the way, not that you'd know--when you decided to amble off for awhile just for the hell of it.
GlaDos: You insolent bitch. I built this goddamn house and raised your kid when you two dicked off to [ INSERT UNIVERSITY SUBHOOD HERE ] just for--
Yuuko: You hired a pack of crazed Mafia-owned robots to build this place! Yeah, that's right, we know! We're--we're still paying 'protection money'; I bet you didn't think that one through! AND, if you even remember, we came back to find our kid laying on the lawn, for chrissakes--didn't think that one through either? You're just a defective goddamn machine, and you want to ruin my wedding?
GlaDos: Shut up!
Yuuko: I wo--
GlaDos: --no, shut up! We end this now!
Sens: ...you know, maybe it's okay. I'm okay. I mean, she went for me and not--
GlaDos: DIE, BITCH!
Sens: ...fuck my life.
Sens: Yuuko...
Beretta: Oh god, Dad! Are you--
Sens: ...okay...I'm fine...Yuuko?
Beretta: Oh...god, we only heard...she was screaming, Dad, and no one can get up there, and...
Grim: *sigh* I knew it was only a matter of time before I came to this place. Well, this one's pretty damn crispy. Somebody get me a shovel.
Sens: ...god...no--
Slightly-Confused yet Coincidentally Appropriately-Dressed Wedding Party: --YUUKO! D:
Derringer: Mom...no, Mom...
Magnum: She can't be...she's such a beautiful person, she's...
Random Cheerleader from University: What's the big deal? Some broad killed yer' mum with lightning. Now where do you want the plates?
Even Noodle forgoes his usual 'yo dawg, I can't get by' routine to properly mourn.
Noodle: I used to chew on her slippers!
Sens: I guess she's really gone.
Sens: Well then.
Beretta: Funeral arrangements. Yeah, I can do the funeral arrangements. I mean, everything's still set up from the wedding. It's not so bad--
Beretta: --It's not so bad...
Beretta: Daddy?
Sens: I'm going to kill that orange-haired bitch.
Beretta: Dad...that's not the way.
Sens: ...yeah.
Derringer: Besides, she'd just turn you crispy like she did to--
Beretta: (shut up shut up SHUT UP!)
Beretta: I think we need a little help.
Beretta: Dad.
Sens: We danced in front of a bonfire once.
Beretta: Good. I've just made a call, and--
Sens: She loved bonfires.
Beretta: Yeah, I know. Dad, just...just don't do anything stupid, okay? We'll sort things out tomorrow.
Sens: Yeah.
Hm...I dunno. At least we can be certain it's not an omen of bad things TO COME.
This is just here 'cos I wasn't aware tombstones could be kicked.
Harsh. >_>
Yeah, um, I RATHER THINK NOT.
/gamespam
Sens: I'm gonna kill her, y'know, just burn her down or something. Witches, man, y'know...it's just--
Sens: --it's just she ruined the wedding party, man! That shit doesn't look good on me. Nobody's gonna party here anymore.
Ah, priorities.
Alright, that's enough mopey soap opera-esque drama for awhile.
I swear! >_>
I've done a 180 on the Magnum front, for the record.
She's actually quite fetching, I think. :D
Magnum: I have waited eighteen years to hear that.
Derringer is still the resident master of fishing fail.
Derringer: I am going to hurt the friggin' woodsman who keeps tossing his old boots into our pond.
Magnum: WHOO, FISHIN' IN FRONT OF MY STEPMOM'S GRAVE. :D
Anyways, it's family meeting time!
Well, the part of the family that hasn't drunk itself into a depressed stupor, anyway.
Beretta: ...so, I used a chunk of the savings to book us a little vacation. God knows we need one.
Magnum: Beretta, without even telling us? That's not wise, that's just--
Derringer: --completely awesome! :D Where are we going? I bet it's somewhere cool! Like Mexico!
Magnum: Oh, for crying out loud, Derringer...
Derringer: Are we going to Mexico? Or, like, Spain or somewhere?
Magnum: ...well, where are we going anyways, Beretta?
Beretta: Er...Twikii Island. It was all we could afford after...um, after the wedding.
Magnum: *facepalm*
One last primp, and...
...they're ready to go!
The OMNIDriver: Oh, you've got to be kidding me. I have to drive these bastards all the way to Twikkii Island? They're so paying me extra for this...
Noodle: GTFO so I can use my 'box.
Later that day...
Beretta: *smiling yet vicious wrath*
Derringer: --look, when you said I was on Dad duty, I thought you just meant 'lock up all the sharp objects', not get him into another taxi.
Magnum: Dear God, this is hilarious! Dad's not here! Hehe! *psychotic giggle*
Beretta: You know what? I've had it with trying so damn hard. Someone call suicide watch--we're going to enjoy this vacation.
Intrusive Tour Guide: Hear, hear! :D
Beretta: Now, let's go see about that guy in the hot spring...
Derringer: Um...I don't get it. Why is everybody congratulating me for sticking my gum under my seat?
Beretta: Hey, mind if I switch up your tunes really quick? I have the perfect song for this.
Fire Dancer Bloke: Sure, go ahead, doll.
Stereo: --drop it like it's hot, dawg, drop it like it's hot, drop it--
Fire Dancer Bloke: Leave.
Beretta: *smirks*
I don't send Sims on vacation very often, so there is definite picspam going on.
Derringer: ...you really have to shove that thing in my face? I'm just trying to have a nice swim here.
PICSPAM.
Um...most people would move to avoid a giant wave. Or at the very least be pushed underwater by it.
Derringer: Well, there is only a meter and a half of water on this part of the beach...
Point taken.
Beretta: How the hell d'you hold this thing again?
Fire Dancer Bloke: First you manage to get my stereo stuck on Snoop Dogg, and now you steal my baton? Pssh...tourists.
*resists the obvious doggy style joke*
Magnum: I have found...ZE ILL-USIVE MONSIEUR CLAW!
Ze Ill-usive Monsieur Claw: OHOHO...EET APPEARS I HAVE BEEN...LE FOUND!
Magnum: AH, OUAIS OUAIS, MONSIEUR LE CLAW!
:\ Sometimes I worry.
Magnum: Holla!
Beretta: Whoops, chipped the paint! :3
Fire Dancer Bloke: I hate this family.
Derringer: Hey guys, come check out my--
Magnum: --SANDCASTLE! :D
Derringer: ...castle.
They don't need tequila on Twikii Island. They just fry up the damn glowworms.
Derringer: So...why is she digging like a dog over there?
Beretta: You think that's like a dog...you should hear some of the things she tells me. I swear--Romance Sims.
Magnum: Finally. The good Doctor's going to give me what I want.
Beretta: Digging for attention? Oh, please.
Beretta: She ain't got nothing on me.
Derringer: ...okay, I know this is partly my fault, but I can't help but think you chose a really stupid spot to stand blankly in.
Beretta: ...who the hell digs a bloody hole for hours then goes to bed without showering? God, I can't sleep like this!
Beretta: Much better. :D
Beretta: Will you hurry up? I want to head back to the beach; go talk to the witch doctor or whatever you're so concerned about.
Magnum: Hey, we're talking about a guy with great and unknown powers. My ass has to look great for this.
Beretta: ...really, what are you going to do if it doesn't, put lipstick on it?
Derringer: The bastard! How DARE he take up counter space in his own house?
Voodoo Masta: Excuse me, would you mind lending me a--
Derringer: What? No! How DARE you ask a stranger for assistance?
Magnum: Oh, move over. It's just a burnt fan...wait, why is there a Darth Vader action figure stuck in here?
Voodoo Masta: Well, I am a voodoo practitioner. Think about it.
Magnum: ...did it work?
Voodoo Masta: Nope, Luke still got his hand cut off. Must have gotten the Latin wrong.
Derringer: You know, if she shoves that metal screwdriver in the wrong spot she'll be burnt to a crisp like Mom.
Beretta: One less plane ticket back home...
Magnum: I can hear you both.
Beretta: Oh, we know.
Magnum: DAMN IT ALL!
Yeah, that's helping.
As is this.
Beretta: I don't do repairs.
Derringer: Yeah. And for once we're not failing at fishing!
Magnum: It's done.
Voodoo Masta: So it is.
Magnum: Are you going to give me what I want now?
Voodoo Masta: Certainly.
Voodoo Masta: HERE YA GO, GIRLFRAN!
Magnum: O. M. G!
Magnum: It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!
Magnum: Now. What about that other thing?
Voodoo Masta: ...I must first warn you. With great power comes great--
Magnum: --responsibility, yeah, yeah, I've heard it all before.
Voodoo Masta: Actually, I was going to say 'magic hangovers', but yeah, I suppose that works too.
Magnum: Whatever. It's decided then, and in celebration...
Magnum: CRAZED HULA DANCE PARTY!
Beretta: You? Play squash? Really?
Voodoo Masta: Why is everyone always so shocked about that?
Beretta: No, no, you just don't...you don't seem the health nut type, that's all.
Voodoo Masta: I--I'm not! I just like playing squash, that's all.
Magnum: (in his PANTS.)
Derringer: (OH!)
Next up on the itinerary is a jaunt onboard the pirate ship.
The pirate ship I have never before seen in-game, so picspam commences.
Some kids have jungle gyms.
Magnum: What's THAT? It's a giant squid! No, it's Emerald WEAPON! Or is it--
Derringer: --the reflection of some palm tree in the water, Magnum.
Magnum: Well, forgive me for suspending my disbelief a little.
After taking this picture, I saw this exact same camera angle on not one but TWO other posts on LJ.
Derringer: Can you just focus on my plight for once? I'mma walk the plank!
Have fun with that. Meanwhile...
Phantom Cap'n of Doom: Y'arr, those damn kids these days...they always be romping on m'lawn!
Beretta: Hey, Cap'n. Join in!
Phantom Cap'n of Doom: A--arr?
Magnum: Don't worry. We don't judge Derringer for not being able to dance.
Beretta: Much.
Phantom Cap'n of Doom: Well then mateys...let's sing a rousing sea chanty. Then WHORES! and LIQUOR! LOTS'A LIQUOR!
Derringer: Yo-ho...what?
Magnum: ...and a bottle of...something...
Beretta: --IT'S A PIRATE'S LIFE FOR ME! Y'ARR!
This is why you're heir.
Derringer/Pigtail'd Vaykayer/Exotic Local #047: Ah, the sweet smell of relationship fail in the morning.
I'd like to point out that in that bathing suit, you're going to have particularly hilarious tan lines.
Just saying.
Beretta: I shall call you the Emerald City! See, this is where your faceless dictator hides out, and here's where you fire the anti-flying monkey cannons...
>_>...You just can't let your sister have anything, can you?
And with that, they head back home.
Thank god. I don't like vacations all that much. D:
The OMNIDriver: Get out.
Derringer: Okay. H--hey, what's that in the back of the...
Beretta: Aw, hell no.
Beretta: DAD.
Sens: Oh. Hey, kids.
Next time on the Muscles legacy:
78% less death!
Well, no promises. ._.