not really got a lot to say. still feeling miserable. got too many decisions to make that just seem impossible. today is my first step on my plan of recovery. eating normally. i haven't eaten yet today cos i'm scared i'll binge but i'll try and have tea later. mum says to make a list of the things i want to change/sort out but i'm not sure what ( Read more... )

still feeling really down. i have so much stress in my life i just can't handle it. all i want to do is curl up and cry. i can't though because it's too cold and my mind won't let me rest. decided to go stay with mum again and see if that helps. not sure for how long yet, i've been written off sick for six weeks. i just can't see anything changing ( Read more... )

feeling so depressed now i am home. all my positive thoughts and energy has gone. i miss my mum and family so much i want to die. i just feel all alone here even though i have griff, its not the same as a whole family. the builders downstairs are doing my head in, they are soooo noisy! i just miss not having to worry about stuff. trying my best to ( Read more... )

feeling slightly positive about going home now. this time tomorrow i'll be all settled in. i am going to make a big effort and structure my free time. shower and dress everyday. mum has given me some facial cleanser and moisturiser to use twice a day. my skin is perfect now. it shows what making an effort can do. i'm going to clean my entire house ( Read more... )

going home on wednesday. kind of looking forward to it, kind of not. i have missed quaffle heaps! i can't wait to give her a big hug and kiss her furry little nose. griff says we have a vole in the house :| i am taking some traps back with me that catch things alive so we can let it go. it's gonna freak me out if i see it running around the house! ( Read more... )

woke up ill this morning. i stayed in bed until 2pm then mum told me to go in with her instead of thinking about wanting to kill myself. i so almost overdosed this morning. i had the rispiridone in my hand and the coke ready. it scares me when i get like that. i phoned griff instead and told him what i wanted to do. he begged me not to and cheered ( Read more... )

had a nice few days. mum took me shopping and got me some new jeans that actually fit me. they are tighter than my usual ones and i am paranoid i look fat *rolls eyes* dad also got me some new trainers. they are awesome adidas superstars, white with pinky/red stripes. i went round dad's for sunday lunch and he was asking uncomfortable questions ( Read more... )

staying with mum in somerset for a bit. i have been written off sick for a month by my psychiatrist. he upped my risperidone to 3 mg a night. it doesn't make me sleep anymore but it should stabilize my mood. i have to pay for my prescriptions here which sucks a bit. i am so poor it is ridiculous, especially after a month on SSP. that's if my boss ( Read more... )

why is it so hard to think positive? everyone at work is jokingly having a go at me for being negative and complaining. i can't help it. my brain just thinks like that. was getting excited earlier at the thought of recovery but now it seems impossible. possibly moving house is stressing me out soooo much. why is there so much to organise? dr p told ( Read more... )