EARTH WEEK! super fun. oh man. so awesome. so many friends, so much love. finally having projects to work on. i finally feel a little bit useful again. although, it brought up this feeling of not being able to move on. constantly hanging around people who are still in school, still doing what i was doing before i was meant to have gone on to ( Read more... )

holy best week ever batman ( Read more... )

waiting on other people to make decisions about my life is frustrating. i want to take control of my own life, but the fact that we are so rooted in our impressions and relationships with others makes that next to impossible. at least for the time being. i need money to do the things i want to do. but that means i need someone else to think i am ( Read more... )

welp. it's new years eve. i'm not sure when all this time passed, but alas, here we are again. and that means it's time for my annual "try to create the year in brief for my life" post. and so it starts ( Read more... )

spent the last two nights caroling with old meistersingers and i have never felt more content. or, at least, not in a pretty long time. there are few groups from high school that i would want to spend 8 hours with. it was incredible, the way the feelings we had in high school came bubbling back up 5, 6, 7 years later. and it didn't matter if one ( Read more... )

i don't know what keeps me at this website. habit maybe.

i want to understand the difference between the intense love i feel for my friends and, like, love love. i don't know where one starts and the other ends. i think it makes for all the awkward things that happen in my life. and lots of the sad things too. i keep feeling sad these days.

i'm disillusioned. i have ridiculous expectations. i should have none at all. that's why i'm constantly disappointed. some day i will learn. some day. dammit.

halloween in boulder. soooo excited.

i really have nothing else to say. ah well.

i got the boulder county job. well, not the one i applied for, but one that is close to as good. AND REQUIRES NO DRUG TEST THAT I CAN FORESEE. so i'm smoking. if they require the drug test, i guess i'll fail it. or fake it. either way, i'm over it. i am tired of being afraid of such actions, which are clearly harmless, getting me scared for job ( Read more... )

ok. i can't god damn do this anymore. any of this. i can't take being unemployed. i am never one to turn away from some time off...but only if i know i will have something to go back to one day. sure, i bitch and moan when the vacation is over...but doesn't everyone? i miss having some sense of purpose. knowing there are things that need to be done ( Read more... )

triumph: giraffe-sized fly has met a bitter and squished end. finally. i have peace ( Read more... )