For the first time in my life, I feel content with myself and with my life.
I'm at a damn good place right now.

( I only did this because I'm bored )

( I need to vent and feel sorry for myself, for now. )

It's so incredibly frustrating and unbelievably saddening to not be able to remember the past 5 months of your life. People keep telling me about things I did and said, that don't even sound like things I'd say or do. And according to my mom, I had a whole bunch of dates lined up, with people I don't even remember meeting. I just hope to God they ( Read more... )

Tomorrow is the day I leave for rehab. I'm so incredibly scared. But I also feel like a giant boulder is about to be lifted from my shoulders. I'm going to embrace everything they offer me, listen to everything they tell me, and soak up everything they have to give. I'm going to put everything I have into this program. I'd really appreciate some ( Read more... )

I don't have a whole lot to update on here. It's the same ol' same ol'. Things are getting progressively worse. I'm spending all of my money on pills, including pills I already know I'm allergic to. Throwing up has become a daily occurance, and I always know that it's going to come an hour after I take pills. Any pills. Even just cold medicine. My ( Read more... )

My body is so sick. Everytime I put just one pill in it, my body rejects it. My soul is also telling me that I'm killing myself. Or at least who I was/want to be. I put myself on the waitlist for a rehabilitation center today. I check in the 16th and will stay for between 21 and 30 days. My brother and mother don't even think I'll make it to the ( Read more... )

( Christmas makes me emotional )

Since Wednesday, I have only had 5 1/2 hours of sleep, and now it's almost Monday. I'm so tired but I can't sleep.

My dad had a heart attack this morning and I relapsed because I felt a ridiculous amount of guilt for ever even thinking I hated him.

My dad is fine now, but tomorrow I have to go from being sober 18 days to being sober 1.

Step #1: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.This is the first step from the 12 Steps of Narcotics Anonymous. Is it just me, or does this step seem pointless? I mean, I've obviously already admitted that I'm powerless over my addiction and that my life had become unmanageable, otherwise I wouldn' ( Read more... )