im really sorry for this...but unfortunatly this is going to be my last public entry..ever. for as long as i have had this LJ which is a really long time i have kept it public but that was also with the hope of things eventually getting better in the back of my head. i dunno if that hope is there anymore ( Read more... )

OH MY GOD MY HEAD IS KILLING ME TODAY!!!! it feels like its gonna explode. why do people have to get headaches like this i just don't get it. I SWEAR IM SO FUCKIN CLOSE TO SMASHIN MY FUCKIN HEAD INTO THE WALL!! AHHHH!!!!!!!

i've come to the realization that there is no alcohol strong enough, no bowl of weed deep enough, no razor blade sharp enough and never enough pills to make this pain im feeling go away. i can't pretend anymore, im not happy, and at this point i dunno if ill ever be happy. i don't know if ill ever find that place where i can go and be happy and ( Read more... )

at this point i feel its almost to much to ask to just want to feel like i belong somewhere. when i lived with my parents i never felt like i belonged there. i just passed the time till i could get out of there and get out on my own. i thought getting out on my own would be the best thing in the world, that i would be the happiest person ever. ( Read more... )

Such a lonely day ( Read more... )

ok so im really fuckin freakin out right now!!! my god damn mother just sent me a email and oh my god i don't get her. i swear i don't think i have ever wanted to spiral down the path of self destruction as bad as i do RIGHT THIS FUCKIN MOMENT!!!!! this is seriouly the last thing i need right now. she has no freakin clue how much pain she is ( Read more... )

its been a little bit sense i have updated this thing. honestly i haven't been in the mood. i mean what do i have to say. today i feel...fat, depressed, sad, worthless, horrible, i hate my life, i wanna die...it just goes on and on, and honestly just more and more depressing. i swear each entry is more down and depressing then the one before, ( Read more... )

its been a while sense i have written in here, i guess i just haven't felt like it. seems like every entry is sad and depressing but i know that won't be changing any time soon. i thought this deep sadness i was feeling was just a faze and that i would snap out of it but who am i kidding. as long as my life is the way it is, ill never be happy ( Read more... )

so yeah...sorry if some of this makes no sense, i kinda took to many of my headache pills, but now i have no more which makes me sad :( but i have another doctor appointment tomorrow and they will give me more so that makes me happy ( Read more... )

I FUCKIN HATE BEING SAD!!!! all the shit going on with my parents has made me actually think about my life and how it is not what i wanted for myself!!! my life was such a mess before my stupid parents kicked me out and after...i honestly think it was that very second i just gave up!!! THIS ISN'T WHAT I FUCKIN PLANNED FOR MYSELF AND ITS KILLING ME ( Read more... )