I'm pessimistic ( Read more... )

i want to call him. it's driving me nuts. i want to so bad but i'm holding back and i keep wondering why. i know a lot of it is to do with my mother. i know that i just dont want her to know how bad it is. He called on friday. i "wasnt here". he's been laid off. so i know i can call him and he wont be at work or whtever. but i keep hesitating ( Read more... )

yes. when he's around i'm happier than happy. My mom says she hasn't seen me so happy in years. true. there's a magic about him. but he's like a drug. for one thing, VERY addicting. and for another... the highs are amazing and the lows are terrible. I've become a HIM junkie. last night i hit an emotional wall. i was back to my lowest. Like i had ( Read more... )

what?! i have to be ready that soon?! no ( Read more... )

eek. Friday was so amazingly awesome. It started when he called in the morning. "wanna go fro coffee ( Read more... )

Well i no sooner finished writing my last journal than i started feelign completely different about everything i wrote. Suddenly i didnt give a shit about Paul. I stopped even thinking about blaming Jacquie for anything and i kinda came out of my funk a little. i even started sewing. for me, sewing is a good sign. means i've stopped dwelling on ( Read more... )

So lately i've been meaning to write here. i'm still disturbed as ever. Doesn't help that i'm not taking my zoloft like im supposed to either. Not that i don't want to, even though i don't. I just forget to a lot of the time. Plus im way too lazy to make a whole other meal before bed. like, i'm tired for fuck sakes, i just want to sleep. And sleep ( Read more... )

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!
just cause i can't actually yell right now.
guh.
it shouldn't bother me. but it does. damn hormones.

It seems so simple as long as i just dwell on the bad things. then something out of left feild comes and knocks me to the ground ( Read more... )

Wow where to start ( Read more... )