Friends, Countrymen, Sluts,

I come before you today to announce my retirement from the land of Live Journal. After a year and a half of talking about my cock, I feel my Sm0t persona has reached its end ( Read more... )

I almost walked out of the locker room in my boxers yesterday. I was all tired and spaced out when getting changed that I didn’t even realize I hadn’t put my shorts on. I was about to leave the locker room when someone coming in gave me a really funny stare. I looked down to see I was only in my skivvies and almost froze. Not wanting to look like a ( Read more... )

I love coming home drunk at 11:30 on a Thursday night to find my housemates drinking whisky on the rocks ( Read more... )

The elections are over and apparently 49% of the country is moving to Canada, 27% no longer believe in the God they hardly paid attention to anyways and 5% say ‘get over it, we survived the last 4 years and so we can survive the next 4 ( Read more... )

Congratulations America, you have decided to remain bent over, asshole nice and dilated, for four more years. You have chosen a political party which has cheated you out of one election, sent your children to war, destroyed your economy, pillaged your environment and ostracized you from the rest of the world. That’s the equivalent of going out on a ( Read more... )

I walked in to work this morning to find a swear-box next to my desk. I have to pay £1 for any minor swear words, £5 for the F word and £10 for my favorite one; cunt.

It's not even noon and I've already paid £8. THAT'S MY BEER MONEY YOU COCK GOBBLING PIG FUCKERS!!!!!

P.S. My co-worker is down £11, so HA HA to his stupid-ass.

( Read more... )

Stupid sex. I know what needs to be done yet the sex keeps making me trip over myself. Does anyone have a talisman that can ward off Pussy's evil powers?

P.S. There is no need to remind you that castration is NOT an option.

The internet is killing punctuation. I repeatedly receive emails and IM's from people who are too fucking lazy to type a simple period or comma. Yet as I am about to demonstrate, punctuation is crucial in order to properly convey one's message. Note the difference between ( Read more... )

I went back to my corporate HQ today to pick up a few things when the front desk girl asked me, "So, do you have a girlfriend ( Read more... )