i am really starting to believe that this lj was a great idea. i feel somewhat lonely and frustrated this morning, and i almost turned to an addiction to feed that loneliness, but then i thought - hey, i'm going to reply to my lj comments and check out my friends page and stuff. that is a better option, i will be connecting to others, i won't have ( Read more... )

i feel better and less melodramatic than i did last night. that's good. i actually felt irked at my melodrama this morning when i re-read what i posted last night. i don't know if that's healthy or not... i have a tendency to get very annoyed at anything i see as blame-shifting, guilt-avoidance, self-pity. i don't want to be that person.

but i ( Read more... )

can't get my thoughts straight. read a great chapter from "the heart of addiction." my god, get this book. everyone. everyone. i don't even care if you aren't addicted to anything, it's worth reading.

horrible, negative memories though. patterns i am forced to remember. one person to the next, leaving me feeling abandoned, second-best, helpless to ( Read more... )

i figure starting a journal to vent anonymously and meet people who are going through a similar experience is a good idea. i'm just going to start at the beginning, when it comes to my drinking.

i drank for the first time when i was 14, i think. (well you know - DRANK drank. i had probably snuck beer before, but i'm not counting that.) tequila, at ( Read more... )