first off, i just read a few paragraphs from my book i wanted to share, simply because i really enjoyed them and just have to type them out here.

One of the first things you hear in AA - one of the first things that makes core, gut-level sense - is that in some deep and important personal respects you stop growing when you start drinking ( Read more... )

i thought our cats were OVER this... last night, one of them (probably james brown) peed on my hubby's work clothes that he left out for this morning! and i just changed their litter yesterday. i don't get it! i know james doesn't like him, but it's unlike her to make a habit out of peeing on his stuff. it makes him so mad, and though it is a tiny ( Read more... )

so, tonight i went to my first SMART meeting...

apparently, and i didn't know this, it's a brand new group. this was only their second meeting! and there was only one other person there; plus the guy leading the group. so, talk about intimate. but i enjoyed it nonetheless, and i want to go back next week. they are hoping the group grows with time, ( Read more... )

so friggin excited.

we are MOVING! oh gawd, yay. not very far, mind you - only about 30 miles - but still. i am going to miss our apartment - we were really fortunate to find this place, and it's hard to imagine finding another apartment that is such a deal... we live in a one-bedroom, one-bath place that is downtown, on main street, upstairs from a ( Read more... )

ugggggh. i know that working hard is important to self-esteem, but god, sometimes it's so hard.

ever since i started working for myself, i have been forced to admit something - i am NOT self-motivated. i'm just NOT. i could spend the entire day farting around online, easily, never changing out of my pajamas. which is why, for one thing, i am ( Read more... )

the panic passed, i found something productive to do tonight, self-destruction averted. i was really proud of myself for fighting through an incredible desire to give in, and stay home, and just wallow... and instead, leaving the house to go do something much healthier, and not involving drinking or any addiction. :)  good for me ( Read more... )

i can't tolerate people.

i get a message in my facebook inbox from C. "i'm in st. augustine, i haven't been here in a long time. just wanted to say hi and see how you were."

my gripes with this message - he knows i'm married. he also knows that we have very different lives - lives so different, in fact, that we can NEVER be friends. he actually ( Read more... )

so, i made a playlist for my sobriety journey! this playlist starts, metaphorically, in the grips of sadness & addiction - it moves to awareness of a problem, and the decision to change - it journeys through self-discovery and honesty with others, determination through sadness and relapse, and into a general sense of optimism and spiritual clarity ( Read more... )

so, someone suggested in a comment on a post that i look into SMART recovery, since i am interested in getting a therapist for my recovery and haven't found one yet. it's an alternitive to AA, a more psychiatry / psychology based program that uses CBT methods. it views alcoholism as less of a disease, and more of a maladaptive coping method - it ( Read more... )

so last night i finally finished the heart of addiction. it was sort of sad to finish it, but i'm so glad for having read it it's almost indescribable. i wish it would go on and on, because i'm afraid that with time, the clarity it gave me is going to vanish. the clarity both about my addictions, myself, my past, and the sense of contact i've been ( Read more... )