family portrait [7/?]
title: family portrait
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: pg-13
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: Something hits him, the fact he already knew that he’d never be wearing this while he waits at the end of an aisle for that person who means most to him in the world.
Previous: 01 02 03 04 05 06
It's a nightmare. It didn't have to be, but that's what he's turned his own life in to.
He didn't mean for it to get to this point, going out nearly every night, walking into some club or bar and drinking until it doesn't hurt anymore. He tried to be normal, going out with Yukari's friend, a smart, pretty girl with hair dyed blond. Under other circumstances, Tegoshi thinks he could have loved this girl, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Their first date was a double with Masuda and Yukari, it was supposed to make it more comfortable, but having to look at Masuda sitting across from him the whole night made him anything but.
"Sayaka works at the hospital with Yukari," Masuda says, Tegoshi can't tell whether he's trying to start conversation or trying to talk to him without making it awkward.
"Really?" he looks at her with a smile, forcing himself to take interest. She nods, asks Tegoshi what he does. "Um, nothing."
"Yuya-kun is between jobs right now," Yukari says quietly.
Masuda leans forward, talking to Sayaka, but his eyes are focused on Tegoshi. "I used to tell him he should be a singer."
"Shut up."
"You sing?"
"No."
"He's fantastic." Masuda is strange like that for the next few months, always saying flattering things about Tegoshi in an obvious effort to talk him up, but he feels like it's all directed at him more than Sayaka. Usually, he just shakes his head, tell himself he's imagining it, that it's just his desire to still have something between them.
For six months, it keeps up. Tegoshi practically moves into Sayaka's apartment, much to his mother's excitement. She constantly asks him if she's the one, if her little boy is going to be married soon so she can stop worrying. He always says he's not sure, but it's a lie. It wouldn't be fair to marry Sayaka, not when he knows she'd always be second in his heart, at best. And it wouldn't be fair to him if he settled just so his parents could sleep a little better. Six months, then everything swiftly ended.
It started one night when they were at Masuda's place, having dinner and looking at ultrasound pictures. They're having a boy, Masuda is beyond excited about it, and they already have a name picked out for him. "That's a secret though," Masuda says.
After dinner, while the girls sit in the living room discussing baby clothes and what color to paint his room, Tegoshi is left alone with him in the kitchen, washing the dishes because Masuda can't stand it when they pile up in the sink. "So, how are you, Yuya? We never really get to talk, just the two of us anymore."
"I'm fine," he says, not bothering to look up. "Just like always."
"Are you happy? You and Sayaka?"
"Who cares."
"Yuya." Tegoshi thinks he can feel Masuda's eyes piercing through him. "I miss the old you. The Yuya that used to smile honestly and play pranks on dad. I don't want you to be unhappy."
That hits a nerve, he throws the plate he was washing into the sink, spraying up soap and water. "I was happy, before you backed out of a promise to me. So fuck off. I'm doing the best I can." Masuda just looks at him. "What?"
"You've got," he reaches up to Tegoshi's face, brushes his thumb under his eye, "soap."
Tegoshi doesn't know what comes over him, but he breaks down, letting his head drop and hair fall in front of his face. "How could you do that to me, Massu?" he doesn't even try to keep his voice steady or hold back the tears. "How could you?" he hits Masuda's chest weakly, steps closer to lean his forehead on his shoulder.
Masuda is quiet for a while, as if he doesn't know what to say, putting his arms around Tegoshi and rubbing his back gently. "When your dad left," he finally says, "how did you feel?"
"Abandoned," Tegoshi answers honestly, fingers digging into Masuda's shirt. "I'm not asking you to leave your son, though."
"If Yukari knew, do you really think she'd let me see him?"
He doesn't want to say anymore, nothing he can think of won't come off as completely selfish. "Taka, can I have a kiss?"
"Yuya…" Masuda backs a way slightly.
"Just one," Tegoshi begs, looking at him with red eyes, damp cheeks. "I won't ask you for anything else." Masuda doesn't put up a fight, pressing their lips together. He puts a hand behind Tegoshi's head, backing him into the counter. It's more than he asked for, but he wouldn't dare complain. There's something in Masuda's eyes when he pulls away, some mix of sadness and regret and everything else Tegoshi feels in the pit of his stomach. "See?" he says with a laugh, a forced smile. "I'm okay now." He drys his hands with a towel, starts heading toward the kitchen door when he hears Masuda say his name. He grabs Tegoshi's hand, pulls him close enough to kiss his forehead. Tegoshi smiles, pats Masuda's cheek. "Goodnight."
He doesn't say it like a goodnight. It's a goodbye.
++++
He comes homes late for the sixth night in a row, stumbling through the door in an obvious state of inebriation. Sayaka is still awake tonight, standing when he walks into the room. "Yuya, where have you been?" her voice is an odd combination of frenzied and partial relief. "I've been worried- what is wrong with you?"
"Nothing, shut up," he pushes passed her, kicking his shoes off into the living room.
"Are you drunk again?" he doesn't answer, Sayaka grabs his arms, looks at him with obvious worry. "What are you doing to yourself?"
Tegoshi grabs her shoulders, shoves he back until she falls into a chair. "I said shut the fuck up!"
"Yuya," she almost stands, but seems to decide against it. "I can't stand this. You…It's like you're not you anymore."
"As if you know who I am," he mumbles, goes into the kitchen to get himself another drink, Sayaka following behind him.
"Did something happen to you? You haven't-" she grabs a bottle out of his hand. "Will you just stop!" He sighs heavily, starts to walk away, but Sayaka grabs his arm. "You need help, Yuya," she says quietly, calmly. "What can I do?"
"Stop touching me, for one," he shakes his arm free, trips over his own feet on his way back into the living, picking his shoes off the floor and struggling to put them back on, mixing up his feet.
"Yuya,"
"We're done."
"What?"
"We are over," he says slowly, trying his best to sound clear.
"What have I done, besides trying to stop you from destroying yourself?" she sounds more angry than upset.
"If I want to destroy myself, who the fuck are you to get my way?" He feels a sudden pain in his face, Sayaka's hand making contact with his cheek.
Tegoshi walks out after that, doesn't care enough to listen when she shouts at him down the hall, most of it is various of come back and get help anyway, neither of which he wants to do. This was the inevitable point for him to reach, the pit beyond every doomed relationship he's gotten into.
He spends the next three hours sitting at a bus stop, not intending to get on any of them. At three a.m., a man sits down next to him, rests his arm on the bench behind Tegoshi's back. "You alone, kid?" Tegoshi turns his head. There's a slight sent of alcohol on the man's breath, at least he thinks it's from the man. Tegoshi just nods. "You need some company?" Again he just nods. The man leans in closer, lips brushing over Tegoshi's neck. "What's your name, kid?"
"Doesn't matter."
---------------------
This chapter is pathetically short and has a generally depressing, hopeless feeling...but that's how I feel today, so I guess it rubbed off.
I don't know when I'll be able to update this or Cherish because my (last!) semester starts next week and that officially cuts the time I have to type this up to almost nothing. I'm not even going to add an "unless my comp starts working" because I'm ready to assume that=never. I can't fix it and anyone that can makes no effort to, so fuck it. I haven't had a truly functional computer for my entire winter break, I'm done being nice about it.
Pardon my rant :x I sound like a bitch :( Tegod, forgive me.
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: pg-13
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: Something hits him, the fact he already knew that he’d never be wearing this while he waits at the end of an aisle for that person who means most to him in the world.
Previous: 01 02 03 04 05 06
It's a nightmare. It didn't have to be, but that's what he's turned his own life in to.
He didn't mean for it to get to this point, going out nearly every night, walking into some club or bar and drinking until it doesn't hurt anymore. He tried to be normal, going out with Yukari's friend, a smart, pretty girl with hair dyed blond. Under other circumstances, Tegoshi thinks he could have loved this girl, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. Their first date was a double with Masuda and Yukari, it was supposed to make it more comfortable, but having to look at Masuda sitting across from him the whole night made him anything but.
"Sayaka works at the hospital with Yukari," Masuda says, Tegoshi can't tell whether he's trying to start conversation or trying to talk to him without making it awkward.
"Really?" he looks at her with a smile, forcing himself to take interest. She nods, asks Tegoshi what he does. "Um, nothing."
"Yuya-kun is between jobs right now," Yukari says quietly.
Masuda leans forward, talking to Sayaka, but his eyes are focused on Tegoshi. "I used to tell him he should be a singer."
"Shut up."
"You sing?"
"No."
"He's fantastic." Masuda is strange like that for the next few months, always saying flattering things about Tegoshi in an obvious effort to talk him up, but he feels like it's all directed at him more than Sayaka. Usually, he just shakes his head, tell himself he's imagining it, that it's just his desire to still have something between them.
For six months, it keeps up. Tegoshi practically moves into Sayaka's apartment, much to his mother's excitement. She constantly asks him if she's the one, if her little boy is going to be married soon so she can stop worrying. He always says he's not sure, but it's a lie. It wouldn't be fair to marry Sayaka, not when he knows she'd always be second in his heart, at best. And it wouldn't be fair to him if he settled just so his parents could sleep a little better. Six months, then everything swiftly ended.
It started one night when they were at Masuda's place, having dinner and looking at ultrasound pictures. They're having a boy, Masuda is beyond excited about it, and they already have a name picked out for him. "That's a secret though," Masuda says.
After dinner, while the girls sit in the living room discussing baby clothes and what color to paint his room, Tegoshi is left alone with him in the kitchen, washing the dishes because Masuda can't stand it when they pile up in the sink. "So, how are you, Yuya? We never really get to talk, just the two of us anymore."
"I'm fine," he says, not bothering to look up. "Just like always."
"Are you happy? You and Sayaka?"
"Who cares."
"Yuya." Tegoshi thinks he can feel Masuda's eyes piercing through him. "I miss the old you. The Yuya that used to smile honestly and play pranks on dad. I don't want you to be unhappy."
That hits a nerve, he throws the plate he was washing into the sink, spraying up soap and water. "I was happy, before you backed out of a promise to me. So fuck off. I'm doing the best I can." Masuda just looks at him. "What?"
"You've got," he reaches up to Tegoshi's face, brushes his thumb under his eye, "soap."
Tegoshi doesn't know what comes over him, but he breaks down, letting his head drop and hair fall in front of his face. "How could you do that to me, Massu?" he doesn't even try to keep his voice steady or hold back the tears. "How could you?" he hits Masuda's chest weakly, steps closer to lean his forehead on his shoulder.
Masuda is quiet for a while, as if he doesn't know what to say, putting his arms around Tegoshi and rubbing his back gently. "When your dad left," he finally says, "how did you feel?"
"Abandoned," Tegoshi answers honestly, fingers digging into Masuda's shirt. "I'm not asking you to leave your son, though."
"If Yukari knew, do you really think she'd let me see him?"
He doesn't want to say anymore, nothing he can think of won't come off as completely selfish. "Taka, can I have a kiss?"
"Yuya…" Masuda backs a way slightly.
"Just one," Tegoshi begs, looking at him with red eyes, damp cheeks. "I won't ask you for anything else." Masuda doesn't put up a fight, pressing their lips together. He puts a hand behind Tegoshi's head, backing him into the counter. It's more than he asked for, but he wouldn't dare complain. There's something in Masuda's eyes when he pulls away, some mix of sadness and regret and everything else Tegoshi feels in the pit of his stomach. "See?" he says with a laugh, a forced smile. "I'm okay now." He drys his hands with a towel, starts heading toward the kitchen door when he hears Masuda say his name. He grabs Tegoshi's hand, pulls him close enough to kiss his forehead. Tegoshi smiles, pats Masuda's cheek. "Goodnight."
He doesn't say it like a goodnight. It's a goodbye.
++++
He comes homes late for the sixth night in a row, stumbling through the door in an obvious state of inebriation. Sayaka is still awake tonight, standing when he walks into the room. "Yuya, where have you been?" her voice is an odd combination of frenzied and partial relief. "I've been worried- what is wrong with you?"
"Nothing, shut up," he pushes passed her, kicking his shoes off into the living room.
"Are you drunk again?" he doesn't answer, Sayaka grabs his arms, looks at him with obvious worry. "What are you doing to yourself?"
Tegoshi grabs her shoulders, shoves he back until she falls into a chair. "I said shut the fuck up!"
"Yuya," she almost stands, but seems to decide against it. "I can't stand this. You…It's like you're not you anymore."
"As if you know who I am," he mumbles, goes into the kitchen to get himself another drink, Sayaka following behind him.
"Did something happen to you? You haven't-" she grabs a bottle out of his hand. "Will you just stop!" He sighs heavily, starts to walk away, but Sayaka grabs his arm. "You need help, Yuya," she says quietly, calmly. "What can I do?"
"Stop touching me, for one," he shakes his arm free, trips over his own feet on his way back into the living, picking his shoes off the floor and struggling to put them back on, mixing up his feet.
"Yuya,"
"We're done."
"What?"
"We are over," he says slowly, trying his best to sound clear.
"What have I done, besides trying to stop you from destroying yourself?" she sounds more angry than upset.
"If I want to destroy myself, who the fuck are you to get my way?" He feels a sudden pain in his face, Sayaka's hand making contact with his cheek.
Tegoshi walks out after that, doesn't care enough to listen when she shouts at him down the hall, most of it is various of come back and get help anyway, neither of which he wants to do. This was the inevitable point for him to reach, the pit beyond every doomed relationship he's gotten into.
He spends the next three hours sitting at a bus stop, not intending to get on any of them. At three a.m., a man sits down next to him, rests his arm on the bench behind Tegoshi's back. "You alone, kid?" Tegoshi turns his head. There's a slight sent of alcohol on the man's breath, at least he thinks it's from the man. Tegoshi just nods. "You need some company?" Again he just nods. The man leans in closer, lips brushing over Tegoshi's neck. "What's your name, kid?"
"Doesn't matter."
---------------------
This chapter is pathetically short and has a generally depressing, hopeless feeling...but that's how I feel today, so I guess it rubbed off.
I don't know when I'll be able to update this or Cherish because my (last!) semester starts next week and that officially cuts the time I have to type this up to almost nothing. I'm not even going to add an "unless my comp starts working" because I'm ready to assume that=never. I can't fix it and anyone that can makes no effort to, so fuck it. I haven't had a truly functional computer for my entire winter break, I'm done being nice about it.
Pardon my rant :x I sound like a bitch :( Tegod, forgive me.