Some think this sort of thing is amusing.

Yes, I am aware I am behind in my correspondence. I will respond.

From my owls:

Dear Mr. Snape ( Read more... )

Dear readers,

When one is wanted by the authorities, it is sometimes necessary to stoop to certain levels in order to keep the wolf from the door. Should you see this, then, you will understand that it was not by any means my idea to participate in such a travesty.

S. Snape

The aurors who seek me are, naturally, failing. In a pathetic attempt to learn more about me to aid them in their search, one sent me the following:

What is the most unusual object you own? How did you come by it?

Never yours,
TonksThe most unusual object I own? Fascinating. I have never had a great number of personal possessions as I ( Read more... )

Another from my correspondence:

Dear Severus,

I've been watching you for some time now and I just want you to know that I know you're not as bad as everyone thinks. Deep inside you is a wounded animal who just needs patient understanding. Don't build so many walls around yourself -- let some one in. You'll find there are any number of people ( Read more... )

My editors have informed me that they have received complaints from those who don't know where to send letters for me to answer. Having used owls all my life, I find addresses superfluous, but I was overruled. Therefore, I have stated in my information how to contact me if you are so foolish as to have a question for me.

Sneers at the ones who ( Read more... )

One would think the reception my previous replies received would be sufficient to limit my correspondents to more reasonable requests for guidance. One would be mistaken. A case in point:

Dear Mr. Snape ( Read more... )

The nature of my situation has necessitated my absence from these pages. I trust my absence was not missed. Were it not for my contractual obligation, I would not have returned.

I am in receipt of an owl that would appear to require a response here.

Dear Mr. Snape ( Read more... )

Dear April Fools ( Read more... )

Dear Readers --

The editorial staff at Witch Weekly have informed me that my article is beginning to generate interest. For that reason, my request to be transferred from the advice column to the alchemy beat has been denied.

Therefore, you can continue to send me your pathetic letters and I will be obliged to respond.

S. Snape