Sometimes my husband will leave for work or go to bed without acknowledging me to give me a quick “love you” or “goodbye.” This can either be:

A) an accidentally hurtful and ignorant action. Or

B) a strategic way to punish me with plausible deniability, and slight gaslighting.

I don’t see a way it can be both.

Now I’m coming to the realization that it ( Read more... )

I asked what I could do, he said not drink at work. It’s a fair request. I will ablige to the best of my abilities. I will do this, not because I’m considering his emotional well being, that well being has been fucked since before me; but to prove to him that I can change (though he firmly believes I can’t) and he can’t, because he’s a piece of ( Read more... )

Now, at about 3 am when he got home, we finally came to the conclusion that there is no way to fix it. The conversation went roughly:

Me: Take care of yourself. Don’t worry about me, I don’t know what you need. But if you need the place vacuumed because of your allergies, fucking do it, don’t just sit around sulking that I’m not doing it for you.

( Read more... )

And it’s to document my assholery.

Today I begin documenting the asshole lives of myself and my significant other. We are assholes to each other, friends, family, you name it. I’m just here to put on digital paper so when I kick the bucket we’ll all know why.

Yesterday I finally gave standing up for myself a try. I looked at my husbands text message ( Read more... )

I’m only here when I’m feeling this way. I tell myself that the proposals I get at work are just the booze. “You don’t love me, you love alcohol.” I believe myself when I say that. I don’t feel worthy of any love. Not from my husband who I just torture with my alcoholism. Not from my customers, I genuinely don’t know what they think they see in me ( Read more... )

I’ve been thinking a lot of my uncle’s suicide.
( Read more... )

I’m pretty obviously hurting right now.
( Read more... )

I am attempting to infiltrate my photobucket account.

I know that face

And it can fuck right off.

Sometimes we need different things

Opinions of others opinions are not opinions on the actual issue.