I've hit a low. Why do I feel this shitty? It's not like theres anything I can do. Most of the time I'm ok just never thinking about him. But there are these nights when I cant get my mind off of it. How everything ended, how he hasnt called me since, how he has someone whos so much better than me in every way, how he just doesnt care. I cant help ( Read more... )

I just had a long talk with my father over lunch. He could tell something was wrong because I showed up in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and just wandering around the office. And I told him that I am just depressed. But now that I am using that word to describe things fairly often, I dont quite think its exactly right. I mean, I probably am depressed ( Read more... )

For those of you who thought i wasnt that stupid, i assure you.. i am. i shouldnt be able to live for myself... someone should do it for me. please. i suck. and dont say i dont, because i know i do.

These past two days have been some of the weirdest in a very long time. Monday, I was supposed to "talk" with him and make him understand why im so upset. But.. that didnt really go according to plans. He got invited somewhere, i dont really know or care, and couldnt get home till late. And I had to get up at 5 to take my grandma to the hospital. ( Read more... )

OK. Im calmer now. I think I was having a small anxiety attack while I was writing that last entry. But Im not really in an angry state right now, so I didnt want to leave that as my last entry for the day. So here I am. Writing a brand new one. yay ( Read more... )

BAHHH! Im so sick of stupid people. I just cant deal with them. I was reading someones live journal about how they were so depressed and this year had been so hard for them and blah blah... but i wanted to know what happened to them.... and .... NOTHING fucking did. AHHHHHHH... people are so stupid! Ok.. so a fucking boy that you loved doesnt want ( Read more... )

So, Im writing because selase told me to. But I dont really have anything to say. Except that Im so FUCKING excited to go to Hawaii in a week. AND be with AMY. Thats gonna be the shit for sure ( Read more... )

I could write about so many things right now. All the shit that has happened in my life, all the issues I have, all of my many problems.. but instead I want to write about this wonderful person that has given me something that no one has ever given me. She has given me the strength to believe in myself. She has given me an outlet to lay all my shit ( Read more... )

Today I started thinking about something that I hadn't in about 2 years or so. Granted, it was prompted by something amy said, but thats ok. I started to think about my parents divorce and just how awful the whole ordeal was, and the shitty outcome, and how I still havent fully accepted the fact that things will never go back to the way they were, ( Read more... )

So. havent updated in a while. i guess ive just not had the urge to write recently. but thats not entirely true cuz ive writted in my xanga a couple times. i dont know why i write in that more. i guess i feel like thats something ive had for so long and i cant let it die. i still go back and look at shit i wrote like years ago.. its crazy. and ( Read more... )