-
the seduction
I just recognized a trigger. I analyzed it and let it go.
There is something provocative about losing control.
I know this fact better than I know myself.
But I will not let it rule me.
There is something seductive about following masochistic impulses and responses...
( Read more... ) -
breathe me
Exercise update
Yesterday:
Walked 40 minutes (approx 3 miles)
Walked 40 minutes (approx 3 miles)
Today:
Walked 30 minutes (approx 2+ miles)
Walked 40 minutes (approx 3 miles) -
A man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?
So I have been getting back into the swing of recovery and healthy living. When I woke up, I immediately ate breakfast, although I was feeling very sick. I put it down part way out of disgust, but came back a few minutes later to finish it. Why is it that a healthy breakfast is a challenge but I can inhale 2 ice cream bars without even thinking ( Read more... ) -
honestly trying to work through it....
So, after a little bit of thinking, I came to the conclusion that I have not been living in the moment. My thoughts are all wrapped up in the future: when I will be driving, when I will have a new job, the new things I can buy, the new clothes, in the future, when I am fit, when I am thin, when I am pretty, when I am successful, when I go to ( Read more... ) -
fuckin freedom fast
Tomorrow is my behind the wheel test. I hope to God I can get my license. Once I have that and my car (which will be anytime), then I can get a good job. -
graduation follow-up
I know I didn't write about the ceremony but I really don't care. I don't want to taint the experience with words, because it is something I know I will remember forever ( Read more... ) -
except the abusive spouse is me
Which reminds me.... Jesse relapsed on drinking after I told him I couldn't go to the 4th of July thing. He sent me an incoherent email and I asked him if he was still sober, and he confessed that he obviously hadn't been ( Read more... ) -
Graduation was amazing.
Plus, we didn't drink!! at all! -
Don't let me let you go........
Today mom and I went to an Al-Anon meeting today (I drove both ways). It wasn't the best meeting and I was feeling detached (in denial?) and almost burst into a hysterical fit of laughter a couple of times. There was some good information in there but I don't know if my mom is open-minded enough to continue going?
We came home and I cooked ( Read more... ) -
grad seating
PS Colleen and I are in ROW 39 (I am person #1 and she is person #2)!!! THE LAST ROW!!!!! After 325-some-graduating seniors. Damn! But I get to pull down the balloons at the end! That is pretty cool. I should be able to reach it with my heels on even though I couldn't today!